What if what stands between you and your dream relationship is yourself?
You may think you’re the complete package: Intelligent, good-looking, financially stable, and nice. Yet, every guy you meet turns out to be a disaster. I don’t know you or your relationships. But I know one thing:
The only thing your failed relationships have in common is you.
You’re doing the wrong things without even knowing it. It’s not your fault: Humans tend to project themselves on others. So when you think something’s cute, you’ll think others find it cute as well (even when that’s not the case). But men and women think differently.
That’s when you scare your potential relationships away.
Before you find your dream relationship, you need to stop making these mistakes. These are the things women think men like, but they don’t:
1. Acting like your problems make you cute.
Have you ever met a woman who acts like her flaws make her quirky? It goes like, “oh, I just spent $500 with makeup. I’m so bad with finances!” Did you think that was attractive? I guess not.
Your problems don’t make you cute. They are probably the reason your relationships don’t work.
It’s not because you have flaws (nobody is perfect). But it’s your attitude towards it. When you think it makes you adorable, it’s like you’re proud of it. You don’t see your problems as problems but as assets.
This mindset has a deeper issue: You will never fix your problems. Why would you fix your finances if you think that makes you cute?
That might even work when you’re a teenager. But when you act childish, you’ll attract childish partners. If you want a mature partner, you have to act like that.
Mature people do their best to solve problems.
2. Stealing hoodies.
You know the old cliché of the girl who steals her boyfriend’s hoodies. But here’s the problem: Wearing once is okay; stealing isn’t.
Nobody likes to lose stuff they like.
Let me give you an example. Imagine your boyfriend takes your makeup (I know it’s unlikely, but bear with me). You use it almost every day, it’s expensive, and you like wearing it. But now you can’t. How do you feel?
When you steal your boyfriend’s items, you’re disrespecting him.
Although you don’t mean it, your actions speak louder than words. So when you take his things without asking for permission (and you never return them), you show your disrespect for his opinion.
Yes, hoodies are comfortable and maybe even sexy. But you can buy your own.
3. Fake hair/nails/eyelashes.
You may not admit it, but the beauty standard has clear rules. You have to be skinny, have long and shiny hair, and have long eyelashes. That’s what most women consider attractive. But what about men?
Men like natural beauty.
Yes, beauty is subjective. And don’t get me wrong: Men like it when you put in the effort to look pretty. But if you look too artificial, that’s not attractive.
Everything comes down to the balance between natural beauty and fake.
When it comes to beauty and self-esteem, I follow one simple rule: You should do what makes you feel good. So, if you choose to change your looks (whether that’s your hair, nails, or even plastic surgery), make sure you do it for yourself.
4. The gamer girl.
This one has a condition: Men don’t like the gamer girl when it’s fake.
It’s like in the movie How to Lose a Man in Ten Days. The protagonist changes her personality to prove a point. Although things work well in the end, all the trouble in the movie happens because they aren’t authentic.
You can’t fake your interests to get closer to a man.
Sooner or later, people can tell when you’re fake. It’s like a sixth sense. And, even if you manage to fool him, what type of relationship do you expect to build? One based on a lie?
Nobody likes to be lied to.
If you genuinely enjoy gaming with your boyfriend, that’s great. But don’t fake it to please him (although your intentions are good).
5. A six-pack.
I’m not talking about beer (men love that): I’m talking about muscles. Here’s why men don’t like a six-packed woman:
Muscles make you masculine.
Yes, everybody has muscles. But imagine a woman who has more muscles than Arnold Schwarzenegger. It doesn’t feel right, does it?
Men and women are equal but different. Some traits are associated with femininity or masculinity (even if you’re unaware of it). That’s why men are unsettled when women are extremely muscular.
Don’t get me wrong: You should work out. Exercising has more benefits than I can name. And it’s great to take care of your health. But don’t obsess with muscles.
Even if you stop making all these habits, there’s one that makes you attractive: Confidence. Yes, it’s great to consider what other people think. You don’t live in a bubble.
But people like authentic people (and that takes a great deal of confidence).
The only way to build genuine connections is by showing who you are. You can’t bullsh*t your way across relationships. You need to do the hard work: Become vulnerable, overcome your problems, and put effort into the relationship.
There’s no secret formula that “brings your loved one in seven days.” But confidence takes you one step closer.
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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