Before I write this, I’d like to give full disclosure. Ladies, I’m not warning you. I hope we live in a day where men work to elevate themselves. I hope men will read this and stand up tall, respectable and genteel. Yes, that’s the root word for gentlemen.
Connecting with other people is essential. Moreover, I am not limiting myself to the realm of romantic love and romancing the stone. I’m referring to every significant connection you make in your lifetime. One yes, they all matter. The romantic is amazing, but every relationship carries equal importance. They have all had a role in making you who you are and will continue to play a role in shaping the person you become. They say that “no man or woman is an island.” But they’re a part of life that causes much stress for many individuals. Hell yes, I’m saying relationships, as amazing and important as they are, comprise a critical part of our lives.
It’s not easy to attract like-minded people and keep them around. And if I had to speculate, I’d think that the most challenging aspect of creating and maintaining good, happy relationships is working on ourselves to become the kind of people we want to be around.
Listen closely. I’ll put it short and sweet style. To have successful relationships means you have to be the kind person others want to be around.
We just need to make up our minds. I know this because my life has changed a lot, and I’ve mostly become the person I wanted to be. I think that other people can do it, too. They just have to commit to it and keep working at it.
That’s how we each become our own kind of great. And that’s the goal we should all have, right? Don’t we all want to be the best possible versions of ourselves? I believe so.
Good God, let’s get to the bullet point already. I get it. I’m on it. Blah blah blah…I’m sorry I’m wordy. Sometimes it does take a lot of words to make the point.
1.Amazing men will not rely on others to solve their problems. They gladly accept help but always take responsibility for their circumstances
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Whom would you rate as “excellent” if he had everything you could want in a partner (good looks, charisma, intelligence, etc.), but was so careless that he still needed his parents’ help to get out of sticky situations even when he was an adult? Actually, I seriously doubt that…
Ability and duty are Siamese twins.
The majority of people are only considering the ability side of the problem. Or, even worse, they try to appear capable without actually becoming proficient in anything. In addition, that’s not exactly fantastic, is it?
Achieving greatness is a function of skill. Great is not an accident or luck. Ability in any area, including interpersonal interactions, correlates positively with success. And the excess of power is duty. After you’ve exhausted the personal benefits of a skill set, you can put it to use by lending a hand to those in need.
Good men never find themselves in a position where they have to beg, like having to choose between sleeping on the floor or calling their parents to tell them they’ve messed up again and need a place to stay. And when things do become that bad, they shrug it off as an unfortunate reality of life.
2. Small stuff, Whatevs
Photo by Emmanual Thomas on Unsplash
True, you must know that. Keeping an open mind and not getting defensive go hand in hand with this one. Successful guys lower their stress levels while increasing their tolerance for stress by just living their lives. We put ourselves out there, we grow from the experience, we change and adapt as a result, and ultimately, we become better people for it. To put it simply, great men grow. Every day, no matter how small, is a day in which we advance.
In order to succeed, great men have honed their ‘whatevs’ capacity to remain calm under pressure. If your relationships suffer, your life snowballs. Mastering your feelings to the point that you can laugh off the absurd curveballs life throws at you is no laughing matter.
If you aren’t already practicing meditation and mindfulness are great strategies to train yourself to worry less about trivial matters. Take heed, men; what I just wrote is mission-critical.
3. Begging is for those that haven’t mastered their world
Photo by Nayeli Rosales on Unsplash
Period. Not for money, sex, following, favors, or their life. Men don’t beg. Men are independent and self-sufficient. Men accept responsibility. Men conquer adversity. Great men either find a path or make one, said Hannibal Barca.
You’re thinking…
You might assume I’m preaching a stoic-to-the-point-of-unhealthy maleness that says we can’t show vulnerability or express our feelings. I disagree…We show our feelings and accept the outcome.
Great people don’t beg because they recognize that it’s part of life when things don’t go their way. Win win win win…nobody wins every time. Great guys are always willing to accept life on life’s terms and comprehend when situations are out of their control.
4. Being defensive is being insecure
The ability to do so is a crucial building block in the process of accepting feedback for improvement. Awesome men don’t wallow in self-pity or worsen the situation by lashing out angrily when confronted with valid criticism or a compelling argument against their own beliefs and actions.
One important proviso is that the individual opposing him must have good motives and reasonable grounds. This means a wonderful guy is open to receiving and considering practically any feedback from the world around him that comes from an authentic place of conversation. People may try to strong-arm you, and they may even resort to dishonest methods, especially now in the Internet Age. Never fall into a baited trap, but always be open to an honest conversation. Those kinds of open discussions, which you know I mean, are often the most painful. Things we don’t like to hear, but that, with reflection, make sense.
That’s why average males get defensive so fast and respond so unthinkingly whenever anything remotely difficult comes their way. This also reveals interesting details about the man’s ability to manage his impulses.
In addition to being open to reasonable criticism, great men are also willing to spend time trying to help individuals who simply can’t see things from another perspective.
5. We will NEVER discount the feelings of others
Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash
You’ve probably seen a pattern. Greatness has nothing to do with cool skills. They aren’t automobiles, money, clothes, or external appearances. No one has ever been dubbed great due of their looks or toys. Not excellent.
Once mastered, greatness behaviors help others as much as they help us. Greatness is quietly going the long road and doing the hard thing instead of succumbing and taking shortcuts.
Great men’s interactions aren’t merely transactional transactions; they assist the most important people. Great men value relationships beyond shared aims and territory. Loving, giving and being-with-one-another are principles the wonderful guy values. They’re not just means to an end but magnificent ends in themselves.
“The language of friendship is not words but meanings,” said Henry David Thoreau. Friendship goes beyond appearances.
Great people always, always listen. They respect others’ feelings. Great guys don’t shut down others when a topic becomes uncomfortable since that’s responsible; they’re willing and able to reply to any situation.
Most individuals want to be heard. They want to be heard.
We can’t help others unless we listen to them, right? Most individuals listen little and talk much, throwing forth phrases they think would make them intriguing, never taking the time to be interested in others. They make every conversation about themselves rather than building a solid exchange.
We wish to promote being responsible and well-rounded. We desire external and interior congruence. A healthy, outstanding person is coherent and responsible in many situations. They’re responsible because they’ve learned life skills so well that they overflow with them.
Responsibility is key. Master it or you’ll never be great.
Men, let me make it very simple for you. Ask yourself this question. What’s most important. What you don’t do, or what you actually go forth and DO?
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: Everton Vila on Unsplash
