5 Things You’ll Go Through as a New Parent

When a kid is born, the usual thing to do is to congratulate the new parent, tell them how their life is going to be wonderful now and filled with love.

I don’t do that. Well, I do congratulate them, but I also tell them that I know it’s going to be hard, but they can get through it. This is not me trying to be funny or sarcastic, but rather realistic, I’ve been through the process of being a parent twice, so I know what it really means.

The phrase “having a kid will change your life” is definitely an understatement, your life doesn’t change, it ends. But only because a new life needs to be born, one that includes this new little person. You see, that new child you just met isn’t just going to live with you, that baby is going to be a part of you.

And although that might sound romantic and fantastic, there is also a dark side to it, one that many parents ignore and don’t even expect. Which in turn tends to scare the living crap out of them.

Don’t worry though, it’s all normal and I’m here for you, just relax, it’ll be over… eventually. But before that happens, these are my top 6 ways your life is going to change with a new baby.

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1. Lack of sleep

There are many shapes and forms for this one. Lack of sleep doesn’t only mean, you don’t get any sleep, it can also mean you just get to sleep a few minutes at a time, essentially destroying your REM sleep cycle.

The thing about this one is that you’ll hear a lot of new parents going “oh no, my baby is wonderful, I guess I got lucky, she sleeps all night”

That’s the exception, not the rule, trust me, most kids wake up A LOT during their first year (yeah, I said year). And there are many reasons for it as well, all of them are normal and natural, all part of the process of growing up. Everyone goes through it in a different way, except parents, we just don’t sleep right until they do.

The classic things that might cause your new baby to keep waking up are:

They’re hungry. This is a no-brainer. As most doctors will probably suggest, you should feed your baby whenever they’re hungry and since they’re just understanding how to feed, they usually feed for a little while, get tired, sleep, and then wake up hungry again. This happens during the day, but during the night as well. The good thing about this one is that you can fix it just by feeding them.
Gases. This is the opposite of being hungry because my friend, there is very little you can do about it. There are positions and in some cases, particular massages you can give to your baby to somewhat help them with their stomachs trying to understand how to deal with food, but in the end, it’ll be about time. They’re going to not only be awake but crying most likely.
Do not despair, that is the worst you can do when this happens, just accept that fact that you’re not going to sleep like you thought you would and keep massaging them. It’ll be over, eventually, but know that it’s normal and that it’ll happen.
Too cold or too hot. A classic new parent mistake is to either put too much clothing on them if they’re born during winter or too little if it’s a hot summer night. Their bodies are still learning what it means to live outside their mother’s whom, where the temperature was somewhat constant. So try to avoid having them sweat all night or catch a cold because you’re not giving them enough cover during the night. Again, this will require you to keep this in mind and just try different combinations, whatever makes sense, just avoid the extremes.

There might be others such as noise, too much light, and the normal things that might cause someone else to not sleep comfortable, they will also affect your little baby, and if they affect them, they’ll affect your sleep.

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2. Fear of breaking them

Do not be afraid to break your baby. I know they’re small and look so brittle, but trust me they’re resilient.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean don’t be careful, just that you should remember they’re not made of glass and you can interact with them. In fact, touching them and letting them be close to you so they can get to know the smell of your skin is a great way to build a connection.

During the first few months of their lives, babies will not be really using their eyes to know who you are. They’re still trying them out at this point and their sight is blurry, or unpredictable since they can’t really control where to look at. So rely on their other senses to help them recognize you. This means interacting with them physically, let me get to you how your skin feels like and what it smells like.

Play with them, they won’t break, just be careful about it!

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3. Fear of sudden death

I hate this one, and if you’ve been through it yourself, I’m terribly sorry, no one should have to suffer the loss of a baby in any way, especially this one.

For those of you who’ve heard something or maybe nothing about it, I’m talking about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS for short). This is when a seemingly healthy baby suddenly dies, normally during their sleep.

There is no real evidence yet as to why this happens, and my intention is not to go into theories here. Just know that while it is a possibility, there is nothing you can do to avoid it, so when they go to sleep, you should too. Let your baby rest and restrain yourself from waking them up every 10 minutes to check if they’re OK.

As parents, losing a child is probably one (if not the) of our biggest fears, so during the first year of life of our newborn baby, it’s completely normal to want to check every once in a while when they’re sleeping to make sure they’re still breathing. If you’re going to do it, just make sure you don’t wake them up, let them rest, even when you can’t. They need it.

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4. Mamma bear syndrome

This is how I call the moment when everyone comes to meet your newborn and you’re like “if you take them off my arms, I will bite your head, I mean it!”.

And although I called it “mamma bear”, I went through it myself as a new father as well. After discussing it with friends, I realized not wanting to share my baby was completely normal, I wasn’t the only one going through it.

That being said, it required a lot of willpower on my part to still do it. And I don’t mean this was happening with strangers or relatives I hadn’t seen in a while, I mean I was only OK with giving my kid to my wife, no one else was good enough.

And if you’re going through it yourself, just know that it is normal, but you should also be thankful that others love them just as much as you do, and they also want to be close to them.

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5. Couple’s stress

Stemming from some of the previous points, you might start seeing some stress between you and your partner. Especially if this your first child for both of you. It’s normal, you’re getting less alone time, and maybe at first, you’re thinking it won’t matter, after all, it’s your kid and you love that little human.

However, it is also true that it is not OK to forget about the couple’s time in favor of baby time. Assuming you’ve been a couple for a while before the baby got here, you probably have a routine, you probably have places you like to visit together and stuff you like to do as a couple that you just can’t do with a baby (and you won’t be able to do with that kid for a long time).

Do not assume your life as a couple needs to be over now that you have a kid. If you have safe ways to leave your kid with people you trust, then it’s OK to be apart from them for a few hours to go to the movies or have a night out with your partner. The less you wait, the better it’ll be for both of you.

And if you can’t leave your kid with anyone, then try to build a new routine that happens around your kid but doesn’t involve them. Pick up a new couple’s hobbies you can do in your house when your kid is sleeping, or playing with something else. Just don’t forget about your own lives in favor of the baby’s.

I know it sounds a bit selfish, and you might feel like that when doing it, but you’re not. Parents don’t stop being a couple just because their kids are born, you need to remember that. Spending time for yourself or with your partner might also alleviate some of the stress generated by the previous points, so don’t neglect it.

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Being a new parent will change your life. It will actually turn it upside down, but in the best of ways, you just have to remember that people usually tend to dislike change, so we tend to focus on the bad aspects of it. These are 5 of those aspects and they’re completely normal and everyone can deal with them. Just focus on the bright side of that change.

What do you think? Still up to the challenge? Have I left one out that you’ve heard about or went through yourself? Leave a comment down below and share so other future parents might learn from your experience!

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This post was previously published on A Parent Is Born.

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