Dating is scary enough. Here’s a list of people to avoid to make it easier.
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Dating is a trial and error process. A “numbers game” so to speak. One of the only ways to determine what type of person you really want to be with, is to be with people who aren’t completely right for you.
But, there are ways to avoid unnecessary heartache and skip over the wrong types of people in a better attempt to find the right one.
Here are five types of people to avoid dating.
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The control freak.
While this one should be obvious, often times the “control freak” type can be disguised in the beginning of a relationship as someone who just, pays a lot of attention.
Eventually, though, you will begin to feel a little more closed-in and unable to make your own decisions. Additionally, the decisions you do make could feel judged or looked down upon. This is in an effort to mold you into the person he/she wants you to be in order to obtain a role of “power” in the relationship.
Relationships aren’t about power or control — they are about cooperation and collaboration. For this reason, a man or woman who is a control freak is unable to build a healthy relationship with an equal and should be avoided.
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The constant complainer.
Dating an eternal pessimist is akin to trying to go for a swim with an anchor tied to your ankle. There is a difference between two people balancing each other out, and one who drags another down emotionally.
To try to build a relationship someone who is always complaining or seeing the negative side of things will be increasingly difficult over time because their attitude will begin to rub off on you (if you let it), and while you may not become as negative, you could easily stop always trying to see the silver lining of a situation because they will keep shooting you down.
If you are a naturally positive person, being with someone else who has a similar attitude will elevate your level of happiness, and anyone who does the opposite should be moved on from.
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Silly Putty.
Most of you reading this probably remember Silly Putty. It was a super flexible substance that you could do whatever you wanted with. You could even pull it so hard that it separated apart, but then you could just put it back together again and continue to mold it.
Sure, it was fun to play with, but it wasn’t your significant other. Flexibility and compromise in a relationship is important, but so is having your own opinions and point of view.
Being with someone who doesn’t have their own identity and relies on you for every decision will drain you of energy, and not to mention — bore you to death. As an intelligent, independent adult — your best partner is someone with the same qualities.
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The center of the universe.
The opposite of Silly Putty is that hardened Play-Doh stuff. Remember that stuff? When it would get hard it would have no flexibility at all — it would just stay the way it is and break apart if you tried to do anything with it.
So it goes with someone who is so self-absorbed that everything needs to revolve around them, requiring them to do essentially nothing but be catered to. We should never want to change our partner, but their willingness to be flexible and compromise is essential to ensuring the happiness of both teammates in a relationship.
Additionally, someone who is so concerned with their own self is much less likely to be concerned with your happiness.
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The ultra-materialistic.
Unfortunately, our society and social media have blurred the lines between people who appreciate nice things, and those who live their lives around them. I have noticed this more often lately, as people who have plenty of depth and character are judged because they choose to drive a nice car or wear nice clothes.
That being said, there are of course, still many people out there who will only look to you because of what you can provide for them. While we could just say “gold-diggers,” that term is typically applied to women and I’m keeping this article gender-neutral.
Aside from those who try to use you for what you have, there are those who will try to use what they have to “get” you. People who are always trying to impress you with their possessions probably don’t have much else to offer, and should be avoided.
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With billions of people in the world, it is impossible to categorize everyone — but there are certain traits we need to be cognizant of in order to maximize our chances of happiness in a relationship.
What are some other “types” of people you have learned to avoid? Let us know in the comment section below!
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This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog.
Follow James on Twitter @JamesMSama
Photo: iStock
Ex cons
The “I love you because I’m sad” type. The kind of people that are drawn to you because you make them less sad. I was in a bad place and met this girl who kept saying how she was worse off without me, and I considered it romantic until I got to a better place. She avoided ever giving me a straight answer about where I stood with her, and one time I got annoyed about it and she said, “I’m having such a good day and I’m over it.” I was non-existent to her until she was lonely and… Read more »
I’be dated 3 out of these 5 and think it’s very difficult to avoid dating them because it’s not overtly obvious. The control freak manifests itself over time and can be very manipulative. The moaner doesn’t moan when you’re dating. It’s when the euphoria of dating wears off that the moaning sets in. It’s the same with those that are the centre of the universe. I was married to a centre of the universe, control freak for 12 years and it took 8 years for me to really notice. Maybe that says more about me though. Unreliable is a trait… Read more »
Don’t forget those who are mean and have a bad attitude.Avoid at all cost
Honestly, I have never met a person who did not have most all of these character traits at one time or another. We, as humans, are imperfectly the list above due to stress, fear, and other circumstances. We sometimes do it right, too, but it’s is a mixed bag. Sadly, this article hopes to make a point by painting with the widest brush stroke possible, making a person nothing more than one character trait. Of course, it could be said that judgmental people who want to avoid most of society is probably a bad relationship partner, as well.
I was thinking the same thing. Add the trait of someone who can’t deal with others issues. Everyone had issues at one time or other but avoiding relationships with people who are not on top of the world all the time and finding someone who has their shit together is unrealistic. If you are with someone long enough they will fit into one of these categories at one point or other.
I agree with Devin and Tonya…..no one is perfect….and life would be boring if they were.
I think the control freak and silly putty sound like a great couple.
Great points!
“The decisions you make could feel judged or looked down upon…”
This reminds me of a previous relationship as a teen…luckily I got out of it quickly…
How about the “conditional“. Every statement starts with if you really loved me you would…..
I agree! The emotionally unavailable is another one along with “the sadist.”
The emotionally unavailable. My favorite type! *facepalm*
Great post! I have a constant complainer among my friends and it is really tough to stay optimistic around her. It can rub off easily and being in a relationship with someone like that….is really something to avoid for your own sake. I’ve discovered that it’s really hard for me to be with someone (even as a friend) who is unreliable. I had a friend who kept telling me things like “let’s meet later for lunch”, “let’s go and meet there”, etc., but most of the time he didn’t show up. In hindsight I’m glad that he rejected me, because… Read more »
Great post! I have a constant complainer among my friends and it is really tough to stay optimistic around her. It can rub off easily and being in a relationship with someone like that….is really something to avoid for your own sake. I’ve discovered that it’s really hard for me to be with someone (even as a friend) who is unreliable. I had a friend who kept telling me things like “let’s meet later for lunch”, “let’s go and meet there”, etc., but most of the time he didn’t show up. In hindsight I’m glad that he rejected me, because… Read more »