There’s nice.
Then there’s ‘If I do anything that’s in disagreement to you, then you might reject me’ nice.
And that’s not nice. That’s manipulation borne from an insecurity that you’re not enough as you are.
It’s hard to think we could manipulate other people, but we do it all the time. We just don’t realize how much until it’s pointed out to us.
We give too much of ourselves to a person for a number of reasons;
– To avoid conflict
– To avoid rejection
– To be liked/loved
– To get attention
– To get validation
If you do this, you MUST get honest about how you really feel about yourself. Because you might say you love yourself … but your behavior says otherwise.
As do your results with women.
And look, it’s not that you need to become a jerk to have women like you – but there are some jerk-like things you can adapt to pull you out of the ‘he’s such a nice guy’ category and into High Value Male status and they are:
- Get Real
No one is nice ALL THE TIME! I’m sure even Mother Theresa got the sh*ts every now and then, so acting like you’re this shining beacon of perfection will have the opposite effect of what you’re hoping for.
Being real means being honest. And you don’t have to tell her what’s in your porn collection … but telling her what you think of things – even if it doesn’t gel with her ideas – will make her feel challenged.
In a good way.
2. Set Boundaries
You don’t have to suffer through a woman’s drama. Yeah sure, we can rant and rave, cry and carry on because underneath it all, we just want a hug and some understanding – but if she’s not respecting you on a continual basis, always be willing to walk.
3. Speak Up
If you’re not happy about something, say it! If you want to do something, say it!
Women get frustrated with men the world over because he won’t speak up. Learn to vocalize what’s going on instead of being playing the passive aggressive cold shoulder card.
Communication skills will absolutely save your relationships with women (and anyone else). So if you struggle with this, cultivate open communication and she’ll appreciate how straight up you are.
4. Put Yourself First
We can only expect to be valued at the level that we value ourselves. So if you’re not loving yourself, putting yourself last all the time and being the ‘all round great guy who lends a hand every time someone wants to move house, but no one’s ever there when he needs to’ you need to:
a) Get better friends
b) Stop trying to be a people pleaser
Helping is great, I’m all for it! But if you’re sacrificing something you really wanted to do because you can’t say no to people, then it’s time to get a little selfish.
They might resent you. But they’ll respect you. And that’s just them trying to manipulate you back into your ‘one down’ position.
Don’t fall for it.
5. Be A Leader, Not A Follower
When you’re in ‘nice guy’ mode, you might think you’re being the leader. But she sees it otherwise.
Nice guys are followers because they’re at a woman’s mercy. The nice guy doesn’t make decisions, he waits for her or ‘destiny’ to do it, which puts him in that follower energy.
So this is how you should live your life … as a leader. First of all, leading yourself and then leading the relationship. This demonstrates high value and will help you command respect without even trying.
Becoming a High Value Male is already innate within you. You already have the traits and ways of being – so this is about tweaking some behavior that isn’t working for you and swapping it out with behaviors that gets you killer results with women.
And in life in general.
Ains 🙂
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Photo Credit: Pixabay