6 Signs They Don’t Care

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It’s easy to tell someone you care about them, to send little texts and use affirming words when you’re together. But when the stakes are high, someone who doesn’t care about you will be silent. They may not admit it, but their actions speak volumes.

It doesn’t matter what your love language is, talk is cheap when it comes to showing someone you love them. And if someone’s talk is cheap, you’ll notice a few sad signs. Once they do, it’s your job to listen.

6 truly sad signs someone doesn’t care about you, even if they won’t admit it

1. They’re never first to reach out

When someone truly cares about you, they stay in touch instead of waiting for you to text or call first. All relationships function with some level of give and take, but there’s still a sense of balance. Sometimes, you’re the one who initiates plans and other times, they are. If you notice you’re always the one to reach out first, it could be a sign they don’t care about the relationship as much as you do.

When that balance gets out-of-whack, it’s almost always a sign something is wrong. It may be that they’re feeling insecure and need some reassurance about how you feel. But it also may be that they just don’t care as much as you do, and you’re simply on their mind enough to reach out first.

The only way to know is to ask. Not in a needy way, but in a clear way. Try saying, “I love hanging out with you, but I feel like I’m the only one reaching out. Is there a reason for that?” and let them answer without suggesting an answer for them.

If their answer isn’t convincing, they probably don’t want to admit it, but they likely just don’t care enough about you. But you won’t know until you ask directly for what you want. It’s the only way to truly know if someone can give you that.

2. They know pretty much nothing about you

When someone forgets important details about your life, it shows they don’t really care about you. They make up excuses about why they forgot to send you a text on your birthday or brush off the fact that they don’t remember stories you’ve told them, but deep down, their lack of effort signals a lack of genuine interest.

It might seem like a guy cares about you when he brings you flowers, but despite you telling him a few different times that you’re allergic to them, he just keeps bringing them. These are the moments that should tell you someone doesn’t care about you. In fact, they know nothing about you!

If people’s actions don’t align with their words, it shines a light on how ambivalent they really feel. Now is the time to stop making excuses.

3. They don’t ask you genuine questions

There’s likely a big reason they know nothing about you. They don’t ask you real questions because they don’t genuinely care.

Keeping conversations shallow often means someone is trying to hide that they don’t really care about you. They might ask how you’re doing, but they stop asking questions after you tell them you’ve been having a hard time. Or, they only ask questions with simple, one- or two-word answers.

The questions they ask are innocuous, barely skimming the surface of who you are and what you care about. They don’t wonder about your dreams or your fears, which stops your relationship from getting any deeper.

Asking open-ended questions can keep people from drifting apart, while cultivating a sense of emotional safety. Thoughtful questions lay the groundwork to create a relationship where everyone involved feels safe. Someone who avoids asking questions is trying to hide how little they care about getting to know your inner world, even if they won’t admit it.

4. They’re inconsistent

Reliability is a key part of showing other people they’re important, and when someone doesn’t care about you, they act like your time isn’t valuable. They cancel plans with minimal warning or show up late to meet you often enough that it makes you wonder whether they actually want to spend time with you.

They’re not only unreliable when it comes to hanging out, they’re emotionally inconsistent, too. They may open up and share how they feel and they’re present when you need them, but not on a regular basis. They always seem to run hot or cold. Sometimes, you’re their closest confidante, and other times, they shut down completely.

When someone doesn’t care about you, they’re usually unable or unwilling to show up for you in a consistent way.

5. They dismiss your feelings

It’s not always easy to share how you feel, even with the people you love most. All too often, people keep their big emotions inside, because they’re scared that opening up will lead to rejection. This fear gets exacerbated when someone dismisses your feelings. It’s a big sign they don’t care about you.

Emotional invalidation isn’t always intentional, but its impact is painful, despite the intent. When someone is trying to hide that they don’t care about you, their reactions usually leave you feeling misunderstood and undervalued. Being emotionally invalidated makes you question whether you’re wrong for feeling the way you do, which is why it’s important to remember that your emotions are always valid, even if someone else minimizes your experience.

Long-term emotional invalidation can erode your sense of self-esteem and make you feel isolated. Learning to validate your own emotions can help you heal. Be compassionate with yourself and give yourself the understanding you’ve been denied by people who don’t truly care about you.

6. They’re not willing to compromise

Knowing how to compromise effectively is a crucial skill in every relationship. No matter how close your connection is, you won’t always see eye-to-eye, which is why it’s so important to stay flexible and open-minded. If someone isn’t willing to compromise, even on little things, they really don’t care about you. Or at least they care less about you than they do about being in control!

It keeps people feeling connected, like they’re working together, as part of a team. In contrast, a bad compromise occurs when only one person gives, and the other takes. Making sacrifices is part of every relationship, but those sacrifices shouldn’t only go one way.

Reaching a healthy compromise requires people to listen to their own needs and communicate them clearly. No compromise is perfect, but the process of getting there should make you feel valued and heard.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.