6 Subtle Signs Your Date Isn’t Worth the Effort

Back when I was an airline staff, I saw things that made me shake my head in disbelief.

As a woman who has honed the ability to see when a fellow woman is getting the short end of the stick, I’ve had to fight hard to resist the temptation of pulling her aside and dropping a massive truth bomb in her mind.

“Mind your own business!” I’ve learned to tell myself.

Maybe it’s just me. But please tell me if this scenario sits well with you.

The pilots in my airline (most were male) were entitled to first-class staff tickets.

However, I noticed a common trend that unsettled me.

Usually, these pilots would approach the aircraft door aircraft with their potential lovers strapped on their arms.

But as soon as they boarded, they’d go separate ways. The pilots would head to first class while their lovers would head to economy class.

My colleagues often wondered why they didn’t let the lady sit in first class. I mean, he was trying to impress her, right?

So why not let her enjoy the luxury and finesse?

Or, why not get a ticket for her to sit in first class too?

Or, why not sit in economy class with her?

This arrangement would probably not have been a big deal for most people. But it didn’t sit well with me.

Here’s why?

The dating period is when one is supposed to put their best foot forward. It’s a make-or-break. How you treat your potential lover determines the balance and commitment to follow if you end up together.

And yet, some people just can’t be bothered to try.

This is precisely why dating such people isn’t worth the effort and will almost always end in disaster.

Read more to find out the exact signs to look out for.

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They whine about everything.

Oh, how exhausting!

I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to waste an hour of my time sitting with someone who has nothing positive to say.

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Sure, life is freaking hard. There’s no arguing with that.

But come on, when you’re on a date, you want to catch a whiff of fresh air.

You want to be reminded of all the beautiful things happening in life. You want to create happy memories.

Whiners are emotional vampires.

Just like there’s something powerful about hanging around positive people, there’s an equally powerful effect in being around constant whiners — You tend to absorb their vibe.

And should you end up together, those vibes will only magnify. You’ll settle for life under a dark and heavy cloud.

Grumpy people aren’t worth the time or effort.

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They try to kiss you on a first date.

Recently, a close friend went on a date. The guy ticked all the boxes — he had cleaned up real good, and the conversation was stimulating.

But it all came crashing down when it was time to say goodbye.

The date had gone so smoothly that, for some reason, the dude thought he could snog my friend.

Obviously, his assumption cost him a second date and any other after that.

This is a trend that –sadly- guys tend to think is okay.

Certainly, some people are open to kissing and even going the whole nine yards on date one.

But, the majority need time.

The truth is, it doesn’t take much to know if someone wants you to take an extra step.

A person’s body language will tell you more about them than their words.

If they step back, are hesitant, or suddenly seem in a hurry, that’s a cue.

There’s an openness that signals she’s good for the kiss, and you’ll know it if you’re attentive.

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

They have poor hygiene.

Imagine the discomfort of sitting across a dude/chick with unwashed hair, bad breath, or body odor.

If your date shows up like this, look for an exit.

At the very least, one should bathe and comb their hair. These are things you don’t even do for someone else. They should be basic. Done daily.

In fact, when dating, you should dial it up a notch and clean up real good.

Most people overlook the truth that outward appearance can often give you a sneak preview of the state of affairs of that person’s life.

It can show you how organized they are and if they take themselves seriously or not.

The danger of getting intertwined with someone like this is that they start to weigh you down.

And if you’re a clean person yourself, you start assuming the caretaker role, constantly cleaning up after them.

It’s appalling, and you have to ask yourself, “Am I looking for a spouse or a project?”

They’re disrespectful to service staff.

As an inflight attendant, you see all sorts of rudeness unfolding in subtle ways.

Some people display an aggressive tone of voice when demanding a product.

Others never acknowledge you through eye contact and never say, “Please or Thank you.”

But this isn’t the worst treatment accorded to service staff. I’ve heard stories of waitpersons being used and abused, and treated like trash.

People who act like this don’t value who a person is but focus on their job title and earnings.

But if you zoom in, you’ll notice that they suffer from a deep insecurity, which is why they feel they have something to prove by being mean to others.

People who treat others this way have an inflated sense of self and almost always carry that into a relationship.

If your date verbally abuses or disrespects the waiter, it won’t be long before (s)he starts to disrespect you.

These are the same spouses who expect you to cater to their needs without reciprocating. They see their spouses as servants rather than equals.

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Photo by Shardar Tarikul Islam on Unsplash

They bring up their ex constantly.

I once went on a date with a guy who spoke about his ex-non-stop. Due to my naiveté, I didn’t make much of it at the time.

A year later, I bumped into him with a woman. It turns out she was the ex he had been talking about.

They were back together, and surprise, surprise, they were expecting.

The point?

Anyone who continuously talks about their ex has unresolved issues and shouldn’t be trying to date. They are probably on a rebound, are still in love, or aren’t serious about you.

From personal experience, dating such people never ends well because you never get the complete person.

We often underrate the importance of dating a fully present and committed person, yet, it’s worth all the hype.

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They circle back every topic to themselves.

Before you’re halfway into a conversation, they plunge right in and make it about themselves.

You know what’s clear about these types of people?

They aren’t interested in you because they don’t think there’s anything interesting in your life.

Meanwhile, they’re convinced that they’re “it” and that everyone should hear what they have to say.

I get it. None of us is as interesting as we think. But when someone is interested in dating us, they need to show some level of curiosity in us.

Because if we end up together, who’s to say they won’t make the relationship all about themselves?

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The truth is that you can never fully know someone after a few dates. At times, it takes years for their true colors to float to the surface. And we can’t do much about that.

That said, we must always observe and listen to how we feel about potential lovers if we want to avoid chaos in our love lives.

Now you know what to look out for.

If you see these signs, run when you still can.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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