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Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.
Making Dating Fun Again
There are five words I’ve heard countless times over 18 years of coaching people in their love lives. Maybe you’ve even said them to yourself. What’s surprising is that they often come from people who are genuinely looking for the love of their life.
“I’m so done with dating.”
Maybe you’ve said it yourself. Maybe you’ve heard it from a friend. Either way—I get it. Dating can be exhausting, awkward, and often feels like a chore. It can pull us away from the people and things we actually care about.
If you’re having these feelings, I want you to know they’re both normal and extremely common.
The Dip: When Dating Feels Draining
We all hit that moment in the middle of something—a point known as the dip. I felt it when writing my book Love Life. You get stuck. It feels like bashing your head against a wall. You can’t look at it anymore, and suddenly you resent the whole process.
There’s a question that Tim Ferriss poses in moments like this:
“What would this look like if it were easy?”
It’s simple, but powerful. It helps us zoom out and imagine another way of approaching things.
I believe there’s another variation of that question that’s especially useful when you’re burned out on dating:
“What would this look like if it were fun again?”
Approach dating with new beliefs and it can feel natural, low-pressure—and dare I say—even enjoyable. And enjoying the process again might just be the key to actually finding love.
So today, I want to give you seven key mindsets that will change how you see dating—and let you experience it with fresh eyes.
(Oh, and yes, there are three Harry Potter “dragon eggs” hidden in this video. If you find them all, you win our version of the Triwizard Cup—which I’ll reveal at the end.)
Also, to make sure you don’t miss videos like this, subscribe to this channel. It’ll help more than you know.
Mindset #1: I’m Just Here to Connect With a Human Being
Dating shouldn’t feel like a job interview or a test. All you’re really trying to figure out is:
- Do I like being around this person?
- Is there a feeling of connection?
- Do I find them attractive, funny, interesting?
That’s it.
But our minds go to extremes. We start asking, “Is this the person?” And suddenly, we’re consumed by outcomes and lofty expectations that are unfair to place on someone over a couple drinks on a Friday night.
Next time you go on a date, try this: Drop the pressure. Stop wondering if they’re the one. Just focus on how you feel in the moment. Lead with curiosity.
Play a simple game:
What’s interesting about this person?
What can I enjoy about this conversation?
The benefit is twofold. If you’re not immediately attracted to them, you’re not disappointed. If you are, you’re not putting them on a pedestal or trying too hard to win them over.
When your mindset is just to meet someone and be curious, the pressure disappears.
Oh—and if dates feel too much like interviews? Matthew AI makes an excellent wingman. You can get opening lines, flirting tips, connection-building questions, or even a reinitiation text for when you get home. It’s like having me in your pocket.
Mindset #2: It’s Not a Waste of Time Just Because It Doesn’t Lead Anywhere
Dating apps have made us a little cutthroat—like if we don’t find the one instantly, we’ve failed. But that’s not how dating works.
Some dates are fun but sparkless. Some become flings that fizzle. Others feel promising, but one of you just isn’t ready to make the effort.
None of that is a waste of time.
It’s all part of the process. It’s experience. It’s learning what you want—and what you don’t want.
When we say, “It has to be the one or it’s a waste,” we put too much pressure on people and dismiss potential matches too early. That bitterness can come across in how we interact—and that energy isn’t attractive.
We always have the option to walk away. But if we never give anything the chance to grow, we might never know what could have been.
Instead, approach every interaction as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Mindset #3: My “Type” Is a Fluid Concept
Dating is harder when we’re tied to rigid checklists. Our “type” often stems from outdated ideas or early crushes—not real connection.
When meeting someone, focus on these basics:
- Is there a little attraction?
- Do I enjoy talking to them?
- Are they kind and respectful?
That’s all that matters. Not whether they match some idealized image you had when you were younger.
You can’t expand your dating horizons from your couch. You have to meet people face-to-face and feel that spark in real time.
Attraction isn’t a photo—it’s a movie. Real attraction lives in energy and movement, not in static images.
Mindset #4: Rejection Doesn’t Mean Rejection
Rejection is a normal part of dating—and it often says nothing about you.
Think about the last time you weren’t into someone. Did you think they were unlovable? Probably not. You just didn’t feel a connection.
Other people flake, cancel, or disappear for all kinds of reasons. And most of them have nothing to do with you.
You get to decide what rejection means. Choose a story that protects your self-worth and reminds you that you’re still worthy of love.
Mindset #5: Disinterest Is a Turnoff
If someone is inconsistent, flaky, or gives half-hearted energy—that is a turnoff.
Stop seeing it as a mystery to solve or a challenge to win. See it for what it is: boring.
You want someone excited to spend time with you. If you’re always chasing their attention, it’s not a healthy foundation for a relationship.
Mindset #6: Finding a Partner Won’t Solve Everything
Love will bring joy, but it won’t fix your life. It won’t complete you, or let you ignore your other needs and passions.
Your life is made up of many parts—friendships, work, creativity, family, travel, pets. Romance is just one part.
If you’re feeling pressure because of a dream like having biological children, that’s real. But don’t let it turn dating into a source of panic.
I talk more about that in my book Love Life, and there’s a linked video at the end that will help if you’re in this place.
Mindset #7: You Only Need One
You only need one person to see you as the one. That’s it.
You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea. You just need to meet the right person, and when you do, all the past letdowns will fade into irrelevance.
Yes, you may face obstacles—whether it’s age, being a single parent, finances, or self-image. But you don’t need to change everything. You just need to start with your mindset.
When you bring confidence, openness, and joy into your dating life, you’re far more likely to attract someone who values the real you.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Love isn’t like winning the lottery—people find it every day.
Take joy in the small wins:
- One fun date
- One great conversation
- One moment of flirtation
Every win is a green light to keep going. Celebrate the progress instead of obsessing over the finish line.
The best part? You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to show up.
Bonus: You’ve Found All the Dragon Eggs!
If you spotted all three Harry Potter dragon eggs—congrats! You’ve unlocked two bonus videos:
- Seven Habits to Transform Your Love Life & Social Life in 2025
- How to Cope If You Want Kids But Haven’t Met the Right Person Yet
They should both be above me right now. Enjoy, my little love wizard.
(Nailed it.)
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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