Suddenly, you see her. She looks perfect! You want to go over and talk to her. You’re a good guy, and you want to see if there’s a mutual connection between the two of you.
But how? What do you say? Do you just waltz up and tell her you’re interested? Or do you start more conservatively? As a dating coach and a gent who’s personally met many women in this very way, I can confidently say I’ve learned a ton regarding what works, and what doesn’t.
I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as a “guaranteed to work pickup line.” However, there are many ways to aid you in making a great first impression. Right now, I want to share with you the #1 secret for kicking things off in the right direction. It’s approaching her with confidence.
Approaching her with confidence is essential in getting to know her better. Women love when a great guy gives her the gift of approaching her with confidence. The question then becomes: how do you generate that winning feeling inside just before you go? Below are my seven keys. (The first four are to support you before you talk to her, the last three will serve you for once you do).
Key #1: Come from a place of giving, not from a place of taking. When you see yourself as giving a fun opportunity for two people to meet, you immediately shift from a place of scarcity to one of abundance. Most guys feel like approaching her is equivalent to begging for money. Why? As the guy, you’re not taking anything! You’re giving. Specifically, you’re giving her a chance to experience something spontaneous, something exciting, something new. You’re creating an experience. Never forget this.
Key #2: Remind yourself that most guys never approach the woman they desire. With this in mind, pat yourself on the back for having the confidence to put yourself out there. Taking a moment to acknowledge your courage, before you approach her, makes you feel more confident. This is huge. You see, the human brain responds to fear and reward. Most guys associate approaching her with fear and pain. But not you. Instead, by patting yourself on the back, you’re associating approaching her with pleasure, with reward. This boosts confidence.
Key #3: Accept that she may or may not be interested. Acknowledging that she may say, “no thanks” before you introduce yourself actually fuels confidence. Why? Because you’ve accepted all outcomes (including the worst) ahead of time. Essentially, you’ve faced the fear of rejection head on. As the saying goes, “Plan for the worst, expect the best.” When you do accept all outcomes ahead of time, you free yourself to approach her with a focus on the opportunity at hand. Consequently, you’ll exude more confidence this way.
Key #4: Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea. The truth about approaching her is that it isn’t that big of a deal. Of course, it will feel like a monumental feat at first! But with time, you’ll see that it’s just a unique interaction between two people. And here’s the truth: while there’s a small chance that she’s THE ONE, there’s a much better chance that your future wifey is yet to present herself to you. In knowing this, you alleviate pressure to perform. Accordingly, you’ll feel more confident.
Key #5: Approach her within three seconds of seeing her. By acting swiftly, you’ll stay out of your head and remain in the present moment. This is ideal. Most guys overanalyze. But not you, you’re a man of action. You make your move. You trust that the words will come. This is confidence in action. So you know, the natural words that come out will be more attractive than almost any “pickup line.” What naturally flows from your mouth without preconceived consideration is authentic, whereas premeditated pickup lines are cheesy and fake. She can tell the difference. Likewise, speaking authentically fuels self-trust and confidence, whereas relying on pickup lines mitigates it.
Key #6: Be willing to share about yourself before asking all about her. As the man, you’re expected to lead. And while you just led by striking up a conversation, immediately bombarding her with questions puts her on the hot seat, and can make her feel uncomfortable. After ensuring she has a moment to talk, share a bit about yourself. Tell her a story, talk about your passion, your hobbies. Then, give her the opportunity to reciprocate. This takes pressure off of her to immediately open up to a stranger. It also allows her to get a sense of what a cool guy you are. Knowing this little secret makes for a better conversation, and thus, increases confidence.
Key #7: Never judge yourself negatively after you approach her. The natural tendency is to beat ourselves up when things don’t go our way. Instead, take a step back and consider the interaction objectively. If there was something awkward or weird you did, take note of it and learn the lesson. But then, pat yourself on the back for having the courage to talk to her, and move on. Remember, nobody bats a thousand. In any discipline or field, high achievers fail regularly. What separates them from the pack is they always learn the lessons from the specific event, and then, they reground themselves in their self worth and moved on. Do the same, and you’ll feel more and more confident every time you put yourself out there.
At the end of the day, the more often you express yourself and approach women that catch your interest, the more confident you’ll feel, and the easier it will be. It becomes an upward spiral! Use these seven secrets to jumpstart your dating life!