Love is a beautiful thing in life. But the misconceptions that come with it are the worst things that can happen to anyone. Most of us are raised with certain misconceptions regarding love and relationships. These only get in the way of our happiness. This is where one has to reflect on themselves and be emotionally intelligent.
As a result, if people pay attention to their inner selves, they will not be able to be trapped in love myths. Let me list 7 love myths that I had to confront in my life and consider them dangerous.
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Believing that “love conquers all”
I have been a fan of romantic comedies and
Disney movies since my childhood. They all described this picture of love as conquering all odds.
And I believed it wholeheartedly.
But then reality came crashing when I entered my first serious relationship. We could not sort out our communication problems or coordinate our life plans. Even if we loved each other very much.
The Greek philosopher Plato once said, “The greatest wealth is to live content with little.”
This applies to love too. Love does not necessarily conquer all. But it is about being happy within the relationship and learning to face all the problems as a team.
I realized that although love is strong, it requires work, patience, and sometimes, therapy to grow.
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Expecting your partner to complete you
Do you recall that scene of Jerry Maguire where he says? “You complete me.”
These are words that may sound romantic, but are in fact very unhealthy.
I once thought that having a partner would be enough to eliminate every single emptiness in my life. This resulted in disappointment and unfair pressure on my partners.
The reality is that you should be a whole person on your own. It is your partner’s role to support you, not to be the person you are incomplete without.
According to Epictetus, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”
Emphasize on individuality and self-care. If you are satisfied with yourself, then you will be able to work on a healthy relationship as well.
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Thinking jealousy is a sign of love
Ah, jealousy.
It is usually depicted as a strong form of affection in movies and literature.
But in reality, it’s toxic.
I recall feeling proud when my partner got jealous. I used to think that meant they cared. But all it resulted in was mistrust and animosity all the time.
Jealousy is born out of insecurity and fear and not love. Love is a strong feeling between two people based on trust and appreciation.
The Roman philosopher Seneca said it right, “He who indulges empty fears, gets himself real fears.”
Do not fuel jealousy but rather try to strengthen the trust between both of you in a relationship.
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Believing love at first sight is the norm
Cinema has brainwashed us into believing that when we find the right person, we will know immediately. butterflies will come, people will freeze, and you will be in love with the first person you see.
It can happen but this is not very common. All long term relationships are built gradually over time.
I remember rejecting a great person because I did not have that initial attraction towards him/her. Later I came to know that friendship is not built in a day. Thus it is normal to take some time before you start having deep friendships.
As Marcus Aurelius said, “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Do not rule out the prospects because you have not found a good chemistry with them at first instance.
Love needs to be given an opportunity to blossom.
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Expecting your partner to read your mind
I once thought that if a person loved me, he or she would understand everything I wanted without my telling it to them.
This led to a lot of disappointments and bitterness.
The fact of the matter is that nobody is psychic. People cannot just read the mind of the other person. It is very important that the two individuals involved in a relationship are very open and truthful with each other.
Do not consider that your partner has a clue what you are thinking or how you feel. Be clear in what you are saying and tell them to do the same.
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Thinking love should always feel exciting
The honeymoon phase is a very exciting one. But when it fades, many people feel that something is wrong with the relationship which they have with their partner.
I recall becoming anxious when the butterflies began to fade in my long-term relationship. I thought that we were no longer in the ‘love zone.’
But I’ve found that love grows and changes. It goes from the adrenaline rush to the warm bond.
There is a difference between comfort and boredom. Embrace the stability and protection that is associated with long term relationships.
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Believing you need to find “the one”
It is beautiful to think that there is a soulmate out there for everyone, but it is not the best idea.
In the past I thought there is only one person in this whole world that is made for me.
That made me put a lot of pressure on myself and of course I was disappointed.
The fact of the matter is that there are a number of people that you can be happy with. It’s about being with a person who can complement your needs and wants. And working together to create a stable partnership.
Do not look for the perfect match out there, look for a partner, and be the best that you can be to him/her. Develop yourself and do not be selective with the people you interact with.
Such myths of love can act as barriers to one’s ability to be in a healthy loving relationship.
But by applying the knowledge we have gained from the philosophers and our day to day experiences, we can easily point out these myths. Then we can start eradicating such illusions. And let ourselves to feel love in its purest, most fulfilling sense.
As I said before, love is not about searching for the perfect partner or the perfect relationship.
It is about the process of maturing with the partner. Helping each other and developing the relationship that will be beneficial for both partners.
I hope you enjoyed reading. This blog post comes from what I’ve learned, what I think, and what I believe.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Baran Lotfollahi on Unsplash
