Listen:
When you show interest in a woman, there’s a chance she won’t share the same feelings for you.
I know that. You know that. Everybody knows that.
But can you at least give yourself a chance of winning her heart?
Absolutely.
And one way to give yourself a chance is through flirting.
What is Flirting ?
Flirting can be considered a high art — it’s a complex weave of body language, enthralling conversation, humor and psychology.
It’s a back and forth dance used to signal romantic interest in a person. You can ‘test the waters’ to gauge mutual interest from a potential lover before investing emotional energy.
Back when I was in the dating game, the mystery and intrigue of guessing whether someone was into you or not was all part of the fun.
So, now that we’ve established what flirting is, let’s get to the business of how you can successfully flirt with women.
1) You must be confident and intentional
Confidence is the cornerstone of your flirting strategy. It’s your superpower when it comes to flirting.
Flirting without confidence is like wearing your clothes inside out in public, it’s so awkward.
If you’re not confident, you need to fake it until you make it.
Why is it important?
Because the human brain is automatically programmed to filter information from people that are confident.
The women that I’ve dated in the past have all mentioned how my unwavering, steely confidence had them captivated. It was the biggest thing that kept them interested and curious about me.
I’m not tall, dark and handsome. I’m 5’5 with an average build and average looks but I have dated many attractive women. Once I worked on my confidence, women stopped being an issue for me.
You must be willing to overcome your fear of rejection when approaching women and risk it all. You must be immune to rejection and accept that it’s part of dating.
In a study at the University of Kansas involving 52 pairs of single straight college students, women detected flirting from men correctly only 18% of the time.
What does this mean?
It means that men need to be more intentional and direct when they are flirting with women. Most of the time, weak flirting signals can be interpreted as just being friendly. You don’t want to be that guy.
2) The power of eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It can communicate a variety of emotions.
You can gauge what someone’s trying to tell you just by the way they look at you.
Think of the stony look your teacher gave you when you were naughty in class, to the stern gaze someone gives you when you cut them off in traffic.
In a crowded room where voices can’t be discerned, eye contact speaks a million words, it’s your first tool to capture a woman’s attention.
When you look at an attractive lady you’re interested in, consciously gaze at her for a second longer than you normally would, and then smile.
A glare is longer than a glance. And it’s ok so long as it’s done correctly.
Glaring at her with a stony face, will make her think you’re a serial killer out to kidnap her — at best you’ll be labelled as the “creepy guy”.
Consciously glare at her a few times with a smile and If she’s interested, her eyes will meet yours and she’ll smile.
She’ll look away momentarily because she’s trying to discern what your eye contact means.
If she makes eye contact with you several times afterwards with a smile then that’s your cue to approach her and initiate a conversation.
A woman who’s not interested will not look not back at you — She’ll avoid meeting your gaze, so as not to give you the wrong idea.
It’s a filtering mechanism women have learnt from early adulthood to prevent unwanted attention from men they don’t want to be approached by.
A good way to practice eye contact for shy and introverted guys is to make eye contact with people you meet all day. This could be at the shopping mall, the gas station, library or wherever.
Don’t break eye contact with them — let them break eye contact with you first. It’ll be uncomfortable in the beginning but it will soon feel natural once you’ve had enough practice.
3) Offer genuine compliments
Women love compliments because it makes them feel desirable, appreciated, noticed and boosts their self esteem.
A well-thought out compliment will leave her flushed and craving more attention from you.
Be specific, avoid generic compliments like “you like nice”.
Reserve this for your granny.
While it’s nice to hear, it probably applies to one hundred other women. “You look nice” doesn’t hit the same way as:
“You look really beautiful in that red dress, it looks like it was made specifically for you”.
If you want to play it safe, try compliments that are not based on appearance — they are less suggestive.
For example, “you’re so interesting to talk to, I could chat to you all day”.
Most women hate blunt, forward talk so in the beginning, avoid sexual innuendos for example, giving compliments on specific body parts.
Saying “you have a great ass” to a woman you barely know will only lead to a sexual harassment charge, especially in the workplace.
4) Random acts of kindness
According to several definitions, kindness is the act of being generous, friendly and considerate.
It’s more than just being nice. It’s about consistent small thoughtful gestures.
The small doses of kindness are part of your game plan to sweep her off her feet and become irresistible. The right dosage of random acts of kindness is as potent as the deadly venom of the black mamba snake.
It will leave her paralyzed from elevated levels of the serotonin and dopamine that are released by the brain.
You can express kindness by:
- Opening doors for her and allowing her to walk through first.
- Putting together a care package if she’s feeling sick.
- If you see her regularly buy her favourite coffee or treat.
- Offering to help if she’s struggling with something for example, opening a jar.
5) Playful teasing
Playful teasing is the one of the most effective ways to flirt with a woman if it’s done right.
It needs to be light hearted banter using a friendly and positive tone. The delivery is more important than the actual words.
The wrong delivery will feel like an insult.
In the beginning, It’s safer to tease her about her minor quirks. Steer away from deep insecurities or traumas that she has no control over.
Pay attention to her reactions so you know when to dial down or ramp up. keep in mind that It’s a two way street so allow her the opportunity to tease you back.
Here are some examples of playful teasing:
- Give her a funny or silly nickname
- Mimic her or do a verbal impersonation of her
- Bring up something funny she did in the past and joke about it
- Point something quirky, nerdy or embarrassing about her
- Accuse her of hitting on you or being sexually suggestive
6) Strategic “accidental” touching
The skin is the largest and most sensitive organ because it has countless nerve endings.
Nothing gets the heart pumping faster than playful non-sexual “accidental” touching. This means avoid areas that are considered sexual for example, the back side and groin area.
When we experience physical touch by someone that we’re attracted to or care about, the hormone oxytocin is released and we experience positive feelings and enhanced emotional connections.
If you really pay attention, opportunities to touch her will present themselves.
You can initiate touch when you say hello, by moving in for a lingering hug and squeezing her tighter. The lingering hug needs to be only a fraction of a second longer.
Find opportunities to graze her hand when she passes something to you or when you show her something on your phone.
Hold the small of her back as she enters through a door.
Hit her playfully on the hand or shoulder when you are both laughing at a joke. If you’re having lunch or dinner you can “accidently” tap her leg under the table with your foot.
When sitting side by side, gently take up more space and have your thigh touching hers but pretend not to take notice of it.
7) Text messages and social media
Flirting over text messages or social media can just be as fun as flirting in person. It’s a good way to solidify the connection that you had in person. If done right, it can amplify those good feelings.
Back in my high school days, I was on the shy side when it came to girls. I found texting was great because I could “hide” behind the phone. For the introverted, It allows you to take more risks with your flirting.
But, building a connection online will never be the same as getting to know someone in the flesh.
You need to do most of the groundwork in person — the online banter should just be the icing on the cake.
Avoid the usual “Hey” or “Hi” as an opener for a text message. It’s the fastest way to get ignored. It reeks of boredom and lack of imagination.
If you’re looking for an opener you can send a funny Tik Tok video or meme to start the conversation.
You need to include emojis in your messages. A flirty emoji with a creative line can add a little pizzazz to a text message exchange and shows your personality.
Texting without emojis is like eating cheap noodles from the gas station — it will fill your stomach up but it won’t get you excited.
Some flirting emojis are quite subtle but some are more suggestive. When choosing which emojis to use, consider how far your flirtation has progressed.
Ok, so let’s get into some actual examples.
Emoji #1 — Wink face emoji 😉 can be bold and suggestive — “I had a dream about you last night, but I can’t tell you about it” 😉
Emoji #2 — Hearty eyes emoji😍 used when offering compliments about her looks — “Wow, that blue dress matches your eyes😍”
Emoji #3 — kiss on the cheek emoji😘 used when signing off — “Try not to miss me too much, good night😘”
Emoji #4 — The adorable monkey emoji🙈can be used to say something you did but were caught out — “I wasn’t looking at your booty, I promise🙈”
Liking her social media posts is a good way of saying “Hey, I have a thing for you” without actually saying it.
To send a strong hint that you’re flirting, focus on liking photos or videos where she’s dressed for a night out or in a swimming suit.
Post comments on her social media with the intention of getting a response. Posting questions will get a back and forth conversation happening compared to just making a comment.
Closing Thoughts
If you put bread dough into a cold oven, it will slowly heat up and produce bread that’s still edible, but it won’t be the most delicious bread.
A preheated oven provides that “last 10 percent” that can turn a “meh” bread into a “wow” bread.
It’s the same thing with flirting. You use it to warm up her engine and let sparks fly and before she knows it, she’s fallen for you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
