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5. You’ve had multiple relationships with the same person.
Have you ever seen a fly that keeps flying into a glass door when there is an open window on another wall, but they never seem to notice it? They just continue to fly into that closed window and when you’re watching, it’s obvious they’ll never get through. You just want to redirect them over to the open window – this is how some people treat relationships.
If you continue to go back to the same person over and over and over again, you are the fly trying to get out of the door. It’s only natural that you’ll think that every other door or window will be closed too, but sometimes, you’ve got to stop and look around the room.
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6. You’ve been fishing in the same pond.
Perhaps worse than catching the same fish only to throw them back and catch them again, is to continue catching multiple different fish of the same kind.
Many of us tend to stay in the same circles. We often go to the same places on the weekends or fall into a routine that limits how many new people we meet. Similar to the fly in the previous example, this is a situation of how we represent the world to ourselves. We find only what we choose to focus on, and much will be illuminated if we step outside of our comfort zone and surround ourselves with different types of people.
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7. You think all relationships end anyway, so why bother?
There are two sides to this coin. First, yes – many relationships do end. But, not all of them. Am I saying that you’ll be one of the lucky ones who ends up in a Notebook-esque marriage with a white picket fence, a dog, and 2.5 kids? Maybe, maybe not. But, to prevent yourself from having a positive experience before it even begins will do more harm than good.
Secondly, why bother, you say? For the same reason I’ve mentioned in previous articles. Sure, relationships end, but so do movies. So do books. So do nice dinners. But we still give our time, effort, and money to experience these things, because it’s the experiences along the way that make life beautiful.
Why bother? Because each person who enters our lives helps us grow into the person we will become. Each relationship that doesn’t last will teach and prepare us for the one that does.
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What do all of these points have in common? The inherent negativity does not come from the fact that you were in a relationship, but from the person who you were with.
We have all had bad (learning) experiences along the way, but it’s important that we don’t let them contaminate our future.
The next person you bump into when walking around the corner has a completely different genetic makeup, experiential background, family upbringing, and outlook on life than the last person you broke up with.
The question we each have to ask ourselves when meeting someone new is: Am I going to let this person take the blame for the actions of someone they’ve never met, or am I going to explore the entire new world of experiences that they can show me?
The answer is up to you.
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This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
Photo credit: iStock
“7. You think all relationships end anyway, so why bother?” If I may, I’ll modify that: “You think all relationships end *badly*, so why bother?” The problem is that people, on the whole, don’t seem to understand how to end a relationship well, and that’s because they don’t really understand relationships. Let’s face it, most people enter into a relationship to get one of more of their needs met. When it starts looking like this isn’t going to happen (because, of course, this is exactly what the other person is trying to do as well), people can get angry with… Read more »
I find #1 a bit presumptuous. Not everyone is looking for a monogamous relationship, therefor the whole “cheating” thing is a not very inclusive. Plenty of “mature respectable adults” are in happy non-monogamous relationships, so please don’t condescend.
I can see your point yet challenge this….as an agreement between consenting adults, it isn’t considered cheating. All about perspective. I’ve known several “open” people who have been cheated on, on their terms. 😉
I wouldn’t consider it cheating if if was a non-monogomous relationship. The definition of cheating is to act dishonestly or unfairly, so it cannot be cheating if both partners consent. I really liked the way you worded that section, even though it was a bit cut throat. I’ve been cheated on by two of my partners and to be honest it has affected my view of relationships. Funnily both partners were in anguish with regret afterwards. Its almost as if they were not able to see past the temptation presented to them at the time to the consequences of there… Read more »