Jordan Gray offers up seven tips to help you realize that it’s a lot simpler than you think it is.
Is there anything more painful than the state of limbo that occurs when you’re living in a relationship and you aren’t sure whether or not you should end it?
Did something change in the relationship? Maybe you’re growing apart… or you’re falling out of love… maybe you were never in love in the first place.
How do you know if that annoying thing you just noticed has always been there, or if it speaks to a mismatch in your core values?
The indecisiveness and anxiety can eat you up inside. Well, worry no more. With a few quick filters to pass your thoughts through, it will be completely clear whether or not the person you’re currently with is the one for you.
Here are seven signs that you should break up with them.
1. You’re In Fault Finding Mode
When you watch a movie that you love you get transported away to a new world. It takes you over and you follow the parts that matter.
When you watch a movie that you don’t like you start picking it apart. You look for reasons to justify why you don’t like it.
“This plot doesn’t make any sense. I don’t care about the main character. I think I just saw the boom mic dip into the shot. This movie sucks!!!”
The same thing happens in relationships. When you like the person you’re with, you pay attention to the things about them that you like. They transport you to another world and they feel like a soft place to fall on a daily basis.
But when you aren’t into your partner you go into fault finding mode. They bother you more and more and you can even see negative traits that weren’t there to begin with (whether they really exist or not).
So if you find yourself looking at your partner through an increasingly critical eye, then this is a warning sign to either check in with reality and salvage the relationship with communication, or cut it loose.
2. Communication Is Increasingly Difficult
The first two things to go in a relationship when it’s becoming progressively apparent that it should end are communication and sex.
You can only have so many relationship founders meetings between the two of you until the writing on the wall becomes obvious.
If you can’t talk through your issues anymore and they seem like an insurmountably high wall to climb, then it might be time to sever ties.
3. Your Body Is Pushing Them Away
Our bodies often know that the relationship is dwindling before our minds do.
If sex feels more like a chore then one of your favourite hobbies, then it might be a big red flag to end the relationship.
4. You Retreat Elsewhere
If you find yourself repeatedly taking increasing amounts of time away from your partner, then you’re either hiding from the issues that you need to talk through or you’re numbing yourself to the reality that it’s on it’s way out.
Whether you use socializing, TV/video games, or work to get time away from your partner while the resentment and negativity breeds under the surface in your relationship, then your desire to get away from your partner might be worth listening to.
5. They Drain You More Than They Energize You
Simple as that.
If your partner is more of an energetic black hole then they are a positive, inspiring force in your life, that may be enough of a reason for you to terminate the relationship.
6. You’re Looking For A Way Out
Whether it’s your wandering eye that’s looking at other women, your itchy feet that make you want to leave town for an extended period of time, or your increasingly frequent conversations with friends in which you rationalize your way out of love with her, if you’re looking for a way out you need to ask yourself why.
If you aren’t ending the relationship because it’s easier not to, that might not be a strong enough reason to keep sticking around.
7. You Aren’t Happy
Stop thinking about whether or not they’re good for you, and drop in to your feelings.
The truth is always in your body. Get out of your head, drop in to your emotions, and listen to what your heart is already telling you.
If you want out, you want out. Not being happy within your relationship (after having done some real, intentional work) is enough of a reason to terminate it.
Should You Break Up With Them?
It’s never as simple as 1-2-3.
Maybe you’re hesitant about the break up because you have a history of self-sabotage. Maybe you have an underlying fear of intimacy and so your mind is racing for reasons to distance yourself from them because you want to avoid letting someone really see you.
Whatever the reasons behind your decision making process, if you’re still on the fence as to whether or not you should break up with your partner, then let’s chat.
The anxiety of indecisiveness that wells up over time saps your motivation and energy.
One final question you could ask yourself is “If my relationship could be over right now without me having to break up with them, no feelings would be hurt, and I know that they would be happier without me, would I wave a magic wand and have our relationship be severed?” If the answer is yes, then there’s your answer.
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This post originally appeared at JordanGrayConsulting.com
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