7 Things That Sabotage Getting the Relationship You Desire

We all want satisfying relationship.

We search, we strive, and we pursue that interest in the hope that we can have that relationship we desire.

The relationships referred to here is long-term.

We all have blind spots and may not realize that we are doing things to sabotage the very relationship we desire, so as you read consider if by your action or inaction you are doing such.

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Communication — We all lead busy lives; we understand that and support our significant other with their interest and endeavors. Yet after a while, we forget or ignore the significance of communication.

Communication is the building and sustaining walls of a relationship.

The first sign of a relationship drifting away is a reduction in communication over time.

So, if you don’t want to sabotage the relationship, value communication, and spend time doing so.

After all the only way to really know someone is through communication.

Pushing too quickly — I remember once meeting someone and within a month or less they were already considering me their future spouse!

We barely knew each other and had just been introduced through a mutual friend. It was impossible in the brief period to know much about each other, yet they determined that I would be their future spouse!

While there may be love at first sight…it takes more than that for a relationship to endure.

Though you may be excited about the new beau in your life, take time to know them, their good, bad, and indifferent.

It is only after you can see the ways that irk you about your partner and still be interested in a relationship that it stands any possibility of lasting beyond the strong storms that sail through all relationships.

Distrust — This may be obvious as no one will enter a relationship with someone they don’t trust.

Yet on many an occasion we engage in simple little lies, not thinking about the accumulation of these over time and how difficult it would be to trust someone whose speech is inconsistent with their actions.

Past pain — Your former partner isn’t your current partner.

Attributing your past pain to them is unfair and lends itself to creating a scapegoat — someone to blame for past hurts.

Sure, they may do things that remind you of your former partner.

However, unless you can start each relationship with a clean slate, it would be wise to take time to heal emotionally before rushing into another relationship.

No one wants to be blamed for things they didn’t do and placing your partner in such a role, dooms the relationship progress.

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Lack of self-awareness — We all wear blinders and are not aware of how others truly see us.

If you have a pattern of selecting the same type of partners each time, that leads to the same type of challenges, it may be necessary to consider some self-introspection, along with getting feedback from trusted family and friends who would offer constructive feedback.

Sometimes we don’t realize that we operate in the role of a caretaker or a giver and this attracts certain types of partners into our sphere.

This lack of awareness can keep us locked in a cycle of repeating the same mistakes over and over without progressing.

Ignoring signs — So you met the partner of your dreams, and you are doing well, they are all that you imagined and more.

Yet there is an inner gut feeling that tells you to be mindful that this isn’t the person you should be settling down with.

You have been hurt before, and you believe now you know the tell-tale signs to look for.

There aren’t any.

Yet you are not comfortable and don’t know why.

While it could sound nonsensical, your inner gut feeling is telling you to tread carefully.

It could be your inner self sounding warning bells of impending danger.

In such cases it is wise to slow down and not progress to anything more unless you are able to quench that inner disturbance.

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Settling — We have visited this one before. 5 Signs You are Settling for Someone You Like but Don’t Love. Yet it is necessary to say that you have looked, you have dated, you have been disappointed and after a while you decide it is best to simply just settle.

It doesn’t seem to get better than this you tell yourself.

So, you settle…Right? Wrong.

Settling works for the short term.

However, if you are looking for a long-term relationship, it may be wise to wait, as difficult as it is to do, for someone who you can genuinely love through the good, bad, and indifferent times.

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Weare all created as social beings and a core need is to find love and belonging in our significant relationships with others.

We can at times sabotage these and so being aware of some of the signs can aid in helping to create healthy, happy, and lasting relationships.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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