7 Un-Sexy Dating Tips That Actually Work

Dating advice today sounds a lot like —

Wear this outfit, use this flirty line, or learn this move for the bedroom!

Ag.

Relationship gurus will give you “advice” that sounds more like manipulation tactics or cheap tricks to keep people interested.

(Because you know, just being your authentic self isn’t enough these days.)

Dating doesn’t have to be a game. And it shouldn’t be about always having the upper hand or staying one step ahead.

Here are 7 tips for those looking to build meaningful and long-term relationships.

They aren’t sexy or glamorous, but they are tried and true.

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1. Friends first

“If you don’t like him as a friend, you won’t like him as a husband.”

I got this advice once and it really stuck with me.

People tend to forget that friendship is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

We tend to skip this part because it isn’t as exciting finding romantic or sexual chemistry. However, while “chemistry” is full of highs and lows, friendship is the stable undercurrent that maintains a relationship over time.

I am not advising that people only cultivate friendships for the purpose of dating.

But relationships built on lasting friendships do stand the test of time.

2. Hold the bedroom

When sex is introduced into a relationship too early on, it tends to lead to stronger feelings of attachment (or maybe even love) — especially for women. It can accelerate the level of emotional dependency at an unhealthy rate in an otherwise immature relationship.

Don’t get me wrong — sex isn’t the problem.

The problem is expressing (with your body) emotions, sentiments, or commitments that you haven’t actually made to each other yet.

It would be far wiser to establish that commitment and emotional intimacy before moving into the bedroom. You want to know that your affections for each other are legitimate, and not only based on hormone-driven attachments.

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3. Pay attention to financial habits

It may not come as a surprise that money problems are the number one reason for divorce.

Nobody likes to talk about finances because it can be a touchy subject, but the way a person manages their money can tell you a lot about them.

Are they financially responsible? Do they try to live above their means? Are they stingy? Generous? Do they have sound financial goals or aspirations?

While I wouldn’t recommend asking them a laundry list of money-related questions on a first date, it never hurts to pay attention.

4. Religion and politics

After money, these are the famous “forbidden” first-date topics.

Too personal…too divisive…too whatever.

I think this mentality is nonsense. If the person you’re seeing is going to get to know you eventually, why not get the hard stuff out of the way?

Especially when it comes to heavier topics — it’s better to know where someone stands than to make assumptions and find out later that you were wrong.

Plus, why would you want to waste weeks or months dating someone who has a completely different worldview?

Especially if religious or political views are highly important to you, it’s better to be transparent from the jump.

5. Conflict resolution styles

In any healthy relationship, disagreements are bound to happen. The important thing is not to “never fight” but to have healthy ways of communicating when things aren’t going well.

Some people resolve conflict by hashing it out directly when it happens, while others need time to cool off and address the problem later when they’re more level-headed.

Some people like to be to the point, while others like to soften the blow by also complementing while expressing discomfort with something.

Some people take criticism harder than others. Some hold grudges for longer than others.

It’s important to learn how to communicate displeasure in a way that doesn’t permanently wound the relationship. A good way to begin is by asking, but also observing how they handle conflict with you and others.

6. Family and upbringing

A person’s family and upbringing can tell you a lot about them, even if they claim to be different or estranged from family members.

Do they have divorced parents? Siblings? Was their family religious?

A lot of these things, whether positive or negative, have a huge effect on who people are as adults.

While you should never interrogate someone about their past or upbringing, pay attention to the way they speak about their childhood and family members. (Or if they speak of these things at all.)

7. Healthy boundaries

When you first start getting to know someone, it’s easy to feel like you want to completely outpour yourself into them. You want to spend every moment together and talk to them every chance you get.

But more often than not, having healthy boundaries and only spending a limited amount of time together is the healthier option.

You don’t want your entire life to suddenly revolve around the person you’re dating. Especially if it’s not a committed relationship just yet.

Limit the amount of time you text. Don’t get too deep too quickly. Allow things to develop at a natural pace.

The healthiest relationships grow and unfold over time and with patience and consistent effort.

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