7 Unexpected Truths About Women I Learned That Changed My Life

I never thought I would be writing this story, but life has a way of teaching you lessons you can’t ignore.

It all started with a painful breakup, followed by months of self reflection, conversations and a few hard knocks from reality.

I’ll never forget the night it all clicked. I was sitting alone in my apartment. I was expecting a call or at least a message from her.

We’d had an argument earlier — one I thought was small — but the silence from her side felt louder than anything I have had before.

Now, she wouldn’t pick my calls nor reply to my tests. Now, I replayed the conversation in my head to figure out where I lost everything.

What is that I said something I shouldn’t have said? Was I not understanding enough? Different questions were popping through my mind. The more the questions came the more frustrated I got.

Until I finally called up a friend, a female, who listened to me to vent for a while before dropping a truth bomb I wasn’t ready for:

Then I knew I was chasing love blindly, making the same mistakes over and over again without even realizing it.

Here are the 7 thingsI learned about women that changed my life — and maybe, just maybe, they’ll change yours too.

1.They Want Emotional Security More Than Money

Women love money and need your money. But they want more than money. But money isn’t a cornerstone of a lasting relationship.

I believe providing money and material things is enough to make a woman happy in a relationship, but I realized emotional security is far more important to them than all these things.

Women want to feel safe and secure emotionally to know they can express themselves without being judged, dismissed or ignored.

Women crave connection, comfort and understanding, and you’re expected to provide these even during their vulnerable moments.

You can have all the money in the world, if your woman doesn’t feel safe with you emotionally, your relationship will suffer.

Emotional security is one of the elements that brings the best out of women in relationships.

2. Women don’t always want you to solve their problems

Countless times, when the women I was with shared their problems with me, I would forget my own problems (even if I was going through hell of a situation) and adopt theirs.

If my partner needed money, and I was broke, I would go all out to get the money, even if I had to borrow.

I have realized this is one of the biggest mistakes men make in relationships is always wanting to assume the position of “Mr. Fix It” in every problematic situation.

They just jump into the “fix-it-mode” whenever their partners share a problem or challenge with them. Without knowing that women are not always looking for solutions; they are often looking for validation.

When she’s going through a bad day, personal struggles or challenges, she just wants you to be there, she just wants to be heard and not handed some long to-do-list.

Just providing morale and emotional support. Just “being there” means more than trying to play a superhero.

3. Physical attraction may start the relationship, but emotional intimacy keeps it alive.

I thought hitting the gym and looking sharp would keep ladies captivated. I only worked on my physical features. I wasn’t really emotionally ready for a relationship. And I struggled to connect with the women I was in relationship with.

And that wasn’t not me alone, most of the women I dated too were just like me, no wonder the concept of likes attracts likes in search of love and relationships.

There’s no denying the fact that physical attraction is a key component in a relationship. But it can only be important in the early stages of a relationship.

Physical attraction is often what sparks interest before a relationship starts, but as time goes on, emotional intimacy is what sustains the bond.

Women want to be understood and connected on a deeper level. I neglected it almost completely, no wonder I had many heartbreaks.

If a relationship isn’t deep, it will eventually start feeling hollow, either of you will start feeling something is missing and be hungry for what’s missing, this might lead to break-up.

4. Women respect boundaries but dislike weakness.

In order to prove to the woman you love, you will naturally want to say “yes” to her every requests or demand. This is another trap I fell into multiple times.

Many men just like I did are always falling into this trap, by being overly accommodating to demands and requests their partners are happy with. In reality, this approach often backfires.

It’s unwise to not have your own standard and mind and not to argue or disagree with the woman you love, I’d there’s need to do so.

Women want men that can “lead” them. How can you lead when you don’t have your own mind, standard or opinion and you’re always saying “yes” to her demands. Women are wired to be led and men are wired to be the leader.

Women love and respect those who have boundaries, self-respect, and the courage to stand up for themselves. Being kind and considerate is a good value. But being a pushover isn’t cool.

If you’re constantly sacrificing your needs and values to avoid conflict, being misunderstood or arguments, you’re a weakling, I was a weakling too. Until I discovered the truth.

With everything said, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be controlling and dominant in a relationship. It’s about showing confidence, decisiveness, and willingness to lead when necessary.

5. Love dies when effort stops.

Relationships need legs to walk, you have to give it the legs. For a relationship to work, you have to make it work. And you have to be committed for relationship to work.

Relationships require consistent efforts to strive. I started many relationship strong with romantic gestures and attention but gradually I let slip over time. Women notice when the effort fades, and their feelings faded along with it. Although I can’t fully take the blame too.

Efforts to make relationship work requires work from both the parties involved. Efforts that make relationships work are usually small consistent actions like thoughtful texts, compliments, spending quality time together, respecting each other and each other’s uniqueness and individuality.

6. She wants leadership, not control

Women don’t just need affection sections, love and care, they also crave leadership and control. This doesn’t mean as a man you will have to be controlling to get choices without respecting her individuality. It means stepping up in key moments of need when help is needed to come in.

When a woman is looking for her man to assume leadership and controlling role in some situations she might be frustrated if he’s passive, insensitive and indecisive especially if it means she will have to handle everything on her own.

Leadership in a relationship is being dependable, proactive, creating a sense of assurance and stability.

7. She values emotional intelligence over brute strength

Although society expects men to be strong. And strength is associated with being a man. Women love physically strong men too. But they prefer the strength of a man to be demonstrated on the emotional intelligence aspect more.

Emotional intelligence is a peak of being a man as it allows you to make good decisions and be controlling in the midst of chaos, disagreement, misunderstanding and offer support during tough times. Emotional intelligence is also when you’re not overly sensitive as a man but being aware of her feelings and knowing what to do.

The Takeaway

Women are not as complicated as they seem to be. At the core, they are the most predictable beings. And their core needs are connected, affection, respect and love.

Understanding these truths can help men avoid unnecessary mistakes and build a relationship that lasts with deep emotional connection and support.

As a man, if you want a love that lasts, invest in understanding, empathy, and growth — because those are the things that truly stand the test of time.

Which of these 7 (Seven) truths stands out the most to you? Let’s discuss in the comments.

Thanks for reading…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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