7 Ways to Appreciate Your SO During Quarantine

For couples, being stuck together 24/7 during the lockdown can be a blessing or a curse.

But think about, when else will you have ALL THE TIME to do everything you want with each other from the comfort of your own home?

This goes out to all couples — whether you are dating, moved in together, newly-weds, furry parents, or married with children. We are amidst a pandemic, let’s spread the love around. Even if it means just around the house for now.

According to the self-expansion model developed in 1996, partners feel increased level of satisfaction in their relationships where they participate in novel and enjoyable activities together. Thus, greater relationship dissatisfaction can arise as a result of boredom when couples stop engaging in self-expansion activities.

From an evolutionary-economics standpoint, astounding evidence suggests that the more a couple invests in their relationships, the more rewarding the relationship. Maintaining a good relationship can also be considered as a personal investment in one’s psychological health.

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There are tried and tested ways to a loving relationship. We can refer to them as scientifically backed-up best practices to appreciate your significant other (SO), and boost your relationship during quarantine.

1. Learn Each Other’s Love Language

Everyone expresses love in different ways. Trust me, I married an introvert. Correspondingly, everyone has their unique way of responding and interpreting love.

In 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote about the 5 Love Languages in his book which outlines how to express and receive love in a romantic relationship. The languages include: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

If you do not already know each other’s love language, try out the quiz here. It can certainly be an eye-opener for some couples, especially when expectations have been misaligned in the past.

A US-based study attempted to test the validity of the love languages. Interestingly, couples were less likely to report distress the more similar their love language is. However, do not be surprised or discouraged if you have a different love language to your partner. It only gives you the opportunity to explore further as a couple.

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2. Cuddle With Your Pets

This may not scream romance, but studies have shown pets can have a positive impact on the quality of romantic relationships.

Accordingly, benefits of couples who are pet owners are said to share superior partner responsiveness, adjustment, and relational investment.

The suggested reason behind the positive correlation is due to the idea that pets provide couples with opportunity for practicing empathy, which is a crucial ability in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. So if you don’t already have a fluffy family member, and have a huge love for animals, then why not consider adopting a pet to add some spice to your life?

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3. Practice Positive Communication

Reminisce on the honeymoon phase, the early flirty DM’s, and those all-nighter conversations that consisted of getting to know each other on a deeper level.

A study looked into four scientific online databases: PsycINFO, PsychARTICLES, JSTOR Journals, and ScienceDirect.

The goal of the study was to synthesize the findings and sum up what couple activities contribute to high marital satisfaction. The results include five main points:

1. Engaging in small talk and providing verbal and non-verbal messages of affection

2. “Positive” exchanges which include any interactions perceived by both parties as constructive

3. Successful conflict management, which includes the use of “we” pronouns, and the Listener-Speaker technique

4. Possessing and implementing effective communication skills such as using “I” instead of “you” messages;

5. Using “positive” communication skills such as clarification to elicit “positive” affect such as feeling understood

While positive communication may seem like the obvious to many, we forget how easy it is to get caught up in life’s daily struggles. Sharing a happy and intimate conversation with your SO can help lighten the mood after watching today’s news.

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4. Play Together

Literally. Have fun together. It does not even have to be sexual. Play in adulthood can be defined as an activity or behavior that:

a. is carried out with the goal of amusement and fun, b. involves an enthusiastic and in-the-moment attitude or approach, and c. is highly interactive among play partners or with the activity itself. — Vleet and Feeney

A study consisted of 199 participants with type 1 diabetes, who recorded daily diary measures of play with their partner. The results of the study inferred that daily play was positively linked to improved mood, greater support received from one’s partner, and greater perceived coping effectiveness with daily general stressors. The findings emphasizes the importance of having fun as a couple, and the important psychological and relationship benefits that comes along with it. Sounds fun, right?

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5. Spend Time Together

Yes, Netflix and Chill can be part of the list. So if you’re already doing this, then congratulations, and keep it up until human race discovers the vaccine.

In all seriousness, a study examined the quality of a romantic relationship and the personality traits as a predictor for happiness. For emerging adults, companionship and emotional security are recognized as the strongest characteristics of a romantic relationship that attributed to happiness.

If you are in a relationship, spending time together should be second nature. Be present in the moment, learn a new fact or two about each other while you are at it.

The good news is the quality time you spend with each other during quarantine can be lengthy and uninterrupted. Seriously, need I say more?

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6. Cook For Each Other

Ever heard of the saying, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”? Well, that old saying should have been updated to, the way to ANYONE’S HEART.

Cooking is often regarded as a kind gesture. While many may view cooking solely as a household chore, it can certainly be a way to please others. A study has suggested that it increases perception of responsiveness in a partner, and also has an enhancing effect on intimacy.

In addition, evidence also shows improved well-being of a couple when the responsibility of household chores, such as cooking is shared between the two partners.

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7. Support For Autonomy

While you may think this contradicts the entire list, it does not. Autonomy does not suggest you ditch your partner, or run away from sexual intimacy. Instead, autonomy support can be defined as ‘‘the degree to which the environment allows individuals to feel that they initiate their actions, rather that they are being coerced’’.

A study explored university students’ subjective well-being and found that happiness was reported highest when the romantic partner was perceived as highly autonomy supportive.

Ideally, you don’t have to force or suffocate your SO into spending every lockdown moment together. Take a breather, and savor it. Spend some time exploring your own interests, contacting your own friends and family, etc. Likewise, if your SO has hobbies they would like to explore, try your best to support it. Being connected to your own self and encouraging your SO to do as well only contributes to a respectful, yet fruitful relationship.

As nerve-wracking as the current pandemic is, it is not everyday we are blessed with time to appreciate that we are in a loving, romantic, relationship.

This is hopefully a time in history you can look back to with your SO, and relive all the positive efforts you have invested to keep your relationship happy during a global pandemic.

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Previously published on Medium.com.

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