We all want our children to be prepared to make their mark in the world on their own terms. One mother’s advice.
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“This conversation came at the right time, mom. I was just thinking last night that I want to leave my mark in the world, not just go through life existing.” This came from my son just as we were wrapping up a phone call. We had already been on the phone close to an hour and he was getting off to spend time with his family, so I simply said, “Great! You can do it.”
We had been discussing an investment opportunity and ideas so I knew he was referencing his idea of financial success. Which I support, I was just left wanting to make sure he knew there were additional ways to leave one’s mark on the world that would possibly be more meaningful to him.
It turns out that the best chance one has at leaving their mark in the world is to live their authentic truth. I know it seems too simple to be so, but it is, and not enough people are doing it. There is this pull to please, to seek approval, to be accepted, and too often we think the way to do this is to accommodate and become what we think others are expecting of us. As soon as we give into that, we are not living in our authentic truth.
My son, as you set out to leave your mark on the world, here are eight essential practices that will pave your path and keep you connected to who you really are.
1. Be You, Live Your Authentic Truth.
Be authentically you at all cost. There is nothing worth sacrificing who you are. Your partner will not benefit from it, your children, clients, peers, no one benefits by you pretending to be someone you are not. However, in a world where many are trying to be like everyone else, either because they think that is the thing to do or they are afraid of being different and losing others approval, being yourself can be revolutionary in your own life and those of the people you love.
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
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I know it sounds crazy, but millions of people are waiting to be told it is okay to be themselves. Living in your authentic truth puts you in a position of leadership and mentorship to anyone who is watching, and a byproduct is it brings you greater and lasting fulfillment. St. Thomas is quoted as having said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Be You! Everyone else is taken and no one else can do You. They may do the same work or share the same passion, but their expression of it will never match or compete with yours if you live from a place of authenticity, because you are each uniquely different. Living up to an image that you have of yourself or that other’s have of you is inauthentic living.” Learn to love all of your idiosyncrasies.
2) Surround Yourself With the Right People.
Jim Rohn says, “We are the average of the five people we spend most of our time with.” So pick your five wisely. Those five people will be the difference between where you are today and where you find yourself in five years. You become the people you hang out with and the environment you live in.
The late and legendary Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend and a few other entrepreneurs, were interviewing Jim, a gentleman who had started from nothing and retired with a net worth of over 150 million dollars. Scott walked up to a whiteboard at the center of the room and wrote on it, What would Jim tell himself at 35 yrs old? “I would make sure I was around the right people, in the right environment and found the right partner”, Jim answered. He went on to speak for an hour just on surrounding yourself with the right people. That’s it! He didn’t talk for hours about industry trends, or about all the things he had learned on competitive advantage, how to make big profits or how he amassed his wealth. He just knew if you had the right five people around you, lived in the right environment, and married the right person (if you choose marriage), that anything you applied yourself to could be magic. We become what and who we immerse ourselves in. So immerse yourself in the activities and people that are in alignment with what you most want for yourself, and say No to everything else.
3) Grow
One of our basic needs as humans is to thrive and in order to do that we must stretch and grow beyond who we were yesterday. Being uncomfortable is a natural part of growing; embrace and appreciate it. Life is not a destination, we do not get the degree, the job, the partner and the family and reach the finish line. There is no finish line in life. If you behave as if there is, you will attain stagnation. With few limitations, the possibilities for your life are endless and each day your potential expands as you do. Make being curious about and exploring your potential a daily practice. Reach!
4) “Love Everyone And Tell The Truth” – Ram Dass
Love — Everyone has a story, a struggle, a reason they are who they are. You don’t have to bring them into your fold or share a beer at the pub with them, but do love them. Loving others whether it is verbally expressed or not, is a benefit to both parties, however, you do this for you, not them. You cannot have a closed heart to some and a fully open heart to others. I know it feels like we can, but eventually you begin to notice hating others or judging others interferes with our ability to be vulnerable which blocks us from experiencing love in its purest form.
Truth — You can find thousands of people who will tell you what you want to hear or what is popular, but finding someone who will tell their truth in the face of opposition is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Be the needle in the haystack. Be the person who’s word is gold, because you can always be counted on to tell the truth, even if it’s only yours and no one else agrees. This level of integrity is admired, hard to come by, requires courage, but is in each of us. A nice byproduct of truth telling is we develop a keen ear for the lies we tell ourselves.
5) Put Down Your Phone And Turn Off Your Television
Another basic human need is connection. We are not connecting while in front of the TV, nor are we connecting in the most gratifying way on our phone. Social media is a noisy place to hang out. You invite a powerful force of energy into your life every time you sign in. Remember those people you surround yourself with? Social media connections influence your life also.
Be aware of the voice that says, “I will be grateful when …” and replace it with “Thank you.”
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We have 24 hours in a day, with eight hours of sleep and eight hours at work, and if you account three hours for errands and chores, that leaves us with five hours. The average person spends one and a half hours online, and an average of five hours watching TV. You can see why so many do not leave their mark on the world and possibly leave a bad one with their families. Use your telephone for phone calls and TV on occasion. Go outside, engage in your hobbies, spend time with and play with your family. Set time aside to meet up with your five people of influence. Read a book, attend a seminar, learn to play an instrument, build something, paint something, express yourself creatively regularly. Notice the people around you, acknowledge them, be present for them. Taking the time to connect with, listen to and check-in with people improves both of your lives.
6) Live In A State Of Gratitude
We have been misled to believe we must do something or that something needs to be done in order to be grateful, but gratitude is actually a state of being. We can choose that for ourselves and we should. Be aware of the voice that says, “I will be grateful when …” and replace it with “Thank you.” Everything is better through the lens of gratitude. When we are happy and optimistic we make better choices in our lives, we attract the right people and we manifest the experiences that move us forward.
7) Be Of Service
“To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.”- Stephen R. Covey
Nothing is more rewarding than serving others and knowing you have made a difference by doing so. It serves a multitude of basic needs that are required to thrive; love, connection, belonging, contribution, collaboration, meaning, and community, to name a few. Pay attention to the needs of your community that are not being met and tug at your heart regularly. Investigate and see how you can help be a part of the solution.
8) Let Your Life Be Driven By Your Curiosities
Trust in them, they will lead you to the most spectacular discoveries about life and yourself. If you have not found the things you are most passionate about, your curiosity will surely lead you to them. Steve Jobs tells the story of auditing a Calligraphy class out of a curiosity to learn calligraphy while those close to him thought it was a complete waste of time. Jobs is quoted as having said, “If I had never dropped in on that single calligraphy course, the Mac would never have had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts,” something he attributed to helping set the Mac apart from other computers at the time. “Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity, turned out to be priceless later on.”
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Photo: Getty Images