9 Disappointing Behaviours That Show Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable

Most people agree that emotional availability is crucial in relationships.

But what does emotional availability for your partner actually mean?

Being emotionally available means being able to be truly present for your partner when they need you. It means being there for them emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Unfortunately, not all partners are emotionally available. In fact, some partners can be quite emotionally unavailable.

Emotional unavailability may even be an indicator of a potential cheater.

In my last relationship, I was an emotionally unavailable partner.

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It it wasn’t until my partner left me that I realized just how emotionally unavailable I was. It was not my intention; I was recovering from an abusive relationship with a covert narcissist.

I was damaged goods, and I knew it. But I didn’t know how to fix it. My self esteem was completely battered and I had not yet discovered that I could make myself irresistible in relationships.

So, if you’re wondering whether or not your partner is emotionally unavailable, here are some ways that may show they are.

9 Disappointing Behaviours That Show Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable

1. They don’t communicate openly and honestly.

“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.” — Nat Turner

Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable can be a frustrating and painful experience. It is toxic.

You may feel like you are never truly able to connect with your partner on a deeper level. They may avoid difficult conversations, or they may shut down emotionally when things get tough.

As a result, you may feel like you are always walking on eggshells, unsure of how to reach out to your partner.

According to a paper published by the University of Southern California, “couples with avoidant attachment styles tend to communicate less openly and honestly with each other than do couples with other attachment styles.”

What you can do:

First, it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs.

Second, try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, such as the times when you do feel emotionally connected.

Finally, be patient and understand that effective communication with your partner takes time to develop. With patience and effort, you can develop a deeper connection with your partner.

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2. They withdraw from conflict or difficult conversations.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said.” — Peter Drucker

When things get tough, emotionally unavailable partners tend to withdraw.

They may avoid conflict altogether, or they may simply refuse to engage in difficult conversations. This can leave you feeling frustrated, hurt, and alone.

According to the research conducted by University of Southern California mentioned above, “avoidant individuals are more likely than other people to disengage from conflict or difficult conversations.”

What you can do:

If your partner withdraws from conflict or difficult conversations, it is important to communicate openly and honestly with them about your needs.

Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, such as the times when you do feel emotionally connected.

And be patient, as emotional intimacy takes time to develop.

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3. They are not interested in your feelings or emotional needs.

“Men need to be loved physically in order to love emotionally. Women need to be loved emotionally in order to love physically.” — Marilyn Monroe

If your partner is emotionally unavailable, they may not be interested in your feelings or emotional needs. This can leave you feeling unheard, unimportant, and invisible.

According to a paper in the Journal of Personality, “emotionally unavailable people tend to be less responsive to their partner’s emotional needs.”

What you can do:

If your partner is not interested in your feelings or emotional needs, it is important to express yourself to them your needs. Otherwise, it is not worthwhile being in a relationship where you keep giving but none of your needs is met.

Refuse to become a victim of unrequited love.

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4. They are not interested in sharing their feelings or emotions.

“The ability to communicate emotion is the most important thing in human relationships.” — Tony Alessandra

If your partner is emotionally unavailable, they may not be interested in sharing their own feelings or emotions. This can leave you feeling like you are always carrying the emotional weight of the relationship.

According to a peer-reviewed paper published in the International Journal of Psychology, “individuals who are emotionally unavailable tend to be less likely to share their own emotions with others.”

What you can do:

If your partner is not interested in sharing their feelings or emotions, create an environment that encourages you both to come out of your shells. You could go on a tell-all date where the purpose of the date is to tell each other everything that is weighing down your relationship. Or you could get creative about making time to talk about the things that weigh you down.

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5. They are always busy or preoccupied and don’t have time for you.

“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” — Theophrastus

If your partner is always busy or preoccupied, it can be difficult to feel emotionally connected to them. This is because emotional intimacy requires time and attention.

According to a paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “individuals who are high in avoidance are less likely to invest time and effort into their relationships.”

What you can do:

If your partner is always busy or preoccupied, it is important that you let them know how it makes you feel when they do not make time for you. This behaviour would especially be hard for people whose primary love language is that of quality time.

Nip that problem in the bud as soon as you can so you can focus on building a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

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6. They are more interested in their hobbies or friends than they are in you.

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” — Michel de Montaigne

If your partner is more interested in their hobbies or friends than they are in you, it can be difficult to feel like you are a priority in their life. This can leave you feeling unimportant and invisible.

According to a paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “those who are emotionally unavailable are less likely to prioritize their relationships.”

What you can do:

If your partner is more interested in their hobbies or friends than they are in you, this might imply emotional unavailability. You should communicate with your partner and explain how you feel, in a calm and assertive manner. If they do not make an effort to change their behaviour, then you should reconsider your relationship.

Learn how to identify relationships that are good for you.

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7. They are always ready to criticize or judge you.

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

If your partner is always ready to criticize or judge you, it can be difficult to feel emotionally safe in the relationship. This is because feeling emotionally safe requires feeling accepted and understood by your partner.

According to a paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “those who are emotionally unavailable are more likely to be critical and judgmental of their partners.”

What you can do:

If your partner is always ready to criticize or judge you, it is important to choose yourself and walk away. Life is too short to stay where you are barely tolerated, find someone who will celebrate your very essence.

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8. They don’t make an effort to connect with you on a deeper level and may be emotionally distant

“What you call intimacy is the measure of how much you have allowed yourself to be seen and known.” — Thomas Moore

If your partner doesn’t make an effort to connect with you on a deeper level, it can be difficult to feel emotionally connected to them. This is because emotional intimacy requires a willingness to be vulnerable and share your feelings and thoughts with your partner.

“The greatest distance between two people is not necessarily physical. It can be emotional.” — Gloria Steinem

If your partner is emotionally distant or absent, it can be difficult to feel emotionally connected to them. This is because feeling emotionally close to someone requires feeling seen, heard, and valued by them.

When people are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it’s natural for them to want to withdraw from others. But for someone who is emotionally unavailable, they will withdraw emotionally and physically.

What you can do:

If your partner doesn’t make an effort to connect with you on a deeper level, it is not your fault. Individuals who are emotionally unavailable tend to be less likely to self-disclose. Let them know how that makes you feel and if they do not make an effort to change their behaviour, then you should reconsider your relationship.

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9. They may withhold their affection or dismiss your feelings or concerns.

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” — Lois Lowry

If your partner withholds their affection or dismisses your feelings or concerns, it can be difficult to feel emotionally connected to them. This is because feeling emotionally close to someone requires feeling seen, heard, and valued by them.

People who are emotionally unavailable are more likely to withhold affection and dismiss their partner’s feelings and concerns.

Also, people who are emotionally unavailable don’t know how to or don’t want to be emotionally intimate, which leaves their partner feeling isolated and unloved.

What you can do:

If your partner withholds their affection or dismisses your feelings or concerns, decide whether it is worthwhile for you staying in an emotionless relationship.

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Final Thoughts

In conclusion, if your partner is exhibiting any of these behaviours, it’s important to have a conversation about it.

It is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people have been in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. And there are ways to cope with the situation.

Emotional availability is so important in relationships, and if your partner is unavailable, it can be very hurtful and frustrating.

Do you have any experience with emotionally unavailable partners? What other behaviours would you add to this list?

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