9 ‘Musts’ for Avoiding the Pitfalls of On-Line Dating

Everything is done on-line now.

Reading, working, route-finding—it’s really no surprise that when it comes down to looking for love, we turn to the internet for that, too.

But, as with any form of electronic communication, it is open to misunderstandings—a seemingly innocent remark can be read all wrong, and we have no way of putting it right as every time we send another message we are digging ourselves an ever bigger hole.

There are ways of avoiding the pitfalls of online dating though, advisories gained through many hours of sweating in front of the laptop and wondering what the hell we did wrong!

Read her profile

This may seem obvious, but many men will look at the photo and skip the reading part. She will catch you out. If she has asked in her blurb that someone should message her with more than simply a “hi” or “how are you?” then put some effort in.

Show her that you have read and taken heed of her request, otherwise you have already shown her that you are not a good listener and she won’t want to know you. Focus on a fact she has included and use that as an icebreaker. A one-word opener doesn’t bode well for deep and meaningful conversation.

Ask her about herself

A good conversation is like a tennis match.

Imagine the ball is the conversation, and you and the lady you are getting to know are the players. She will bat some information to you, and you take a return shot with your own input.

Back and forth.

If all you do is talk about yourself, then you might as well be playing ball up against a wall; there is no chance for her to have a go. Ask her about her day, her family, her likes and dislikes, and let her answer. Make it a two way street.

Good communication skills are the key to any successful relationship, and it has to be reciprocated by both sides.

Don’t ask her weight or dress size

Yes, men can be slightly clueless when it comes to deciphering the female psyche, but asking a lady about her weight or dress size is just plain rude and will earn you a swift hit of the block button. Women, like men, have insecurities about their appearance, and putting both feet in your mouth by asking her if she’s fat (which is what that question amounts to) is unfair, rude and cruel.

A lady is a lady and should always be treated as such.

Save the pillow talk for when you’re a couple

Nothing screams player more than a guy who goes straight for the kill with sexual innuendos and approaches. It’s tacky and juvenile. There will be time enough for that if and when you make it past the gates of internet hell, and even then, it should be done with finesse and respect.

Asking her whether she wears suspenders and high heels is for the boys, not the men.

Keep the cursing for the lads

No lady is going to be impressed by foul language. Of course we all swear, but it should never be done to a lady, and certainly never at one.

Profanities simply show a lack of eloquence when it comes to the art of conversation.

Keep your kit on

If you were to approach a girl in a bar, you wouldn’t lie back on the couch with no shirt on and flex your pecs at her, would you? WOULD you?

I thought not, so why would you do it online?

Show yourself to be well dressed and smart in your profile photos, and smile. No scowling, ex-girlfriends, pints of beer or bottles of whisky, and definitely no skin shots.

And please, for the love of God, don’t send explicit photographs. Ladies aren’t impressed by them, and they really don’t welcome them.

Spell-check and check again

It is worth the time and effort of spellchecking everything you write to a potential date. Poor grammar, bad spelling and sloppy sentences are a big turn off, and reflects on you as a man.

If you’re dyslexic, then tell her at the start—no worthy woman will be put off by that, and will be impressed by your honesty and openness.

Otherwise, it shows laziness.

Be original

I know of men who have one standard opening message when it comes to online dating, and they cut and paste it to every single woman they approach.

You won’t fool her, and she will switch off pretty sharpish when she catches on. That smacks of desperation and an “anyone will do” attitude.

Show her some respect by writing an original message, address her by name if it is in her profile, and mention one or two of her dislikes. That way she will know you have made an effort, and she will appreciate it.

Leave the ex out of it

During the course of the conversation, never EVER badmouth your ex. Nothing screams bitter like an ex-bashing session, and no matter how much she hurt you, your prospective date doesn’t need to hear about it, at least not yet.

Further down the line it might come up; at some point we all visit the ex-files, but in the early stages all it will achieve is to give the lady a taste of how badly you take a break-up. And she won’t want any part of that.

The golden rule for cyber-dating is that your behaviour online should be no different to your behaviour in real life.

Treat any female you meet (both on and off line) with respect and kindness and it will pay dividends.

If you live by a gentleman’s code of conduct, you will attract a lady.

That’s all there is to it.

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Photo: Getty Images