“The secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to love something greater than the habit.” — Bryant McGill
My cousin, Laura, considers herself beautiful but unlucky in love.
She is always complaining about how there are no good men left on this planet and threatening to move to Mars because she might have better luck there.
In due time, her relationships turn toxic.
I do not think Laura is unlucky.
I think she has some negative habits that make it hard for her to sustain romantic relationships.
Let me give you an example. A few months ago, she started seeing this guy and things were going great. They had the same interests, they got along really well, and they had amazing chemistry.
But then something happened…
Laura started getting really possessive and demanding. She would call him all the time, text him constantly, and even show up at his house uninvited. The poor guy couldn’t take it anymore and he broke up with her.
This put Laura back to square one. And reinforced her belief of being unlucky in love.
On the bright side, she finally agreed to see a love and relationship therapist.
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“Love received and love given comprise the best form of therapy.” ― Gordon Willard Allport
After a couple of therapy sessions, Laura discovered that she brings many negative habits into all her romantic relationships.
For one, the first guy she ever loved cheated on her multiple times. She started to believe that all guys cheat. Despite the fact that the first guy had all the red flags mentioned in this article, none of the subsequent guys had.
Many times, these negative habits are subtle but can have a hugely detrimental effect on relationships.
She has decided to work on these negative habits and give love one more chance.
If you want your relationship to last, it’s important to be aware of the habits that could potentially destroy it.
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Here are 9 Negative Habits That Will Destroy Your Relationship
And some actions you can take to reverse these habits.
1. Refusing to compromise
“Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.” — Jane Wells
In the journal of psychology, researchers found that the number one predictor of relationship satisfaction is not how often you have disagreements, but how you handle those disagreements.
In any relationship, there will be times when you’ll have to compromise with your partner. Whether it’s deciding on a restaurant for dinner or planning a vacation, both partners should be open to giving and taking.
If you’re always rigid and unwilling to compromise, it’s likely that your partner will become frustrated with you.
On the other hand, if you’re able to be flexible and meet your partner halfway, it can help improve your relationship satisfaction.
What you can do about it:
Learn to compromise.
“Compromise is giving and taking, and that’s what a relationship is all about.” — Unknown
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#2. Failing to communicate with your partner
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw
Being a good communicator will make you irresistible in your relationships.
On the other hand, couples who don’t communicate openly and honestly are more likely to grow apart over time. If you’re not sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner, they can’t understand what you need or how to support you.
According to communication expert, Dr. John Gottman, “Good communication is the most essential ingredient for a healthy relationship.”
Couples who are able to communicate effectively during conflict are more likely to stay together in the long run.
What you can do about it:
Learn to communicate better and more effectively with your partner.
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3. Being disrespectful
“Treat your partner with respect, even if you don’t like them at that moment.” — Unknown
Disrespect is one of the quickest ways to ruin a relationship.
If you regularly insult, belittle, or dismiss your partner, it will eventually take a toll on their self-esteem. Over time, they may start to believe that you don’t value or respect them as an individual.
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to always treat your partner with respect, even when you’re having disagreements.
According to author, life coach, and therapist, Dr. Margaret Paul, “The single biggest predictor of divorce is not whether a couple fights, but how they fight.”
Couples who are able to disagree amicably and with respect during conflict are more likely to stay together in the long run.
What you can do about it:
Respect your partner, and earn their respect, too.
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4. Withholding affection
“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.” — Nicholas Sparks
Affection is an important part of any romantic relationship. It’s a way to show your partner that you care about them and appreciate them.
However, some couples make the mistake of withholding affection when they’re upset or angry. They may think that by withholding affection, they’ll be punishing their partner or teaching them a lesson.
Laura would do this in all her relationships.
But in reality, all this does is create distance and resentment. It may also turn your partner into a victim of unrequited love.
According to relationship expert, Dr. Gary Chapman, “One of the most important things in a relationship is affection. It’s a way to say, ‘I love you’ without words.”
If you’re angry with your partner, it’s important to communicate openly about what’s bothering you. But try to avoid withdrawing affection as a way to punish them.
If you’re withholding affection from your partner, it’s important to try to resolve the underlying issue so that you can start rebuilding intimacy and connection.
What you can do about it:
No matter how angry or hurt you feel, do not withhold affection from your partner.
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5. Being dishonest
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” — Gloria Steinem
Dishonesty is one of the quickest ways to destroy trust in a relationship.
If you’re caught in a lie, it can be difficult to regain your partner’s trust. And if they can’t trust you, it’s hard to build a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.
According to a book themed on honesty in relationships written by relationship expert, Dr. Gary Chapman, “One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. If you can’t trust your partner, it’s hard to build a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.”
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to be honest with your partner about your thoughts and feelings. Try to avoid dishonesty in your relationship.
What you can do about it:
Even when it is hard, choose to be honest with your partner at all times.
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6. Neglecting your partner’s needs
“Love is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupery
In any relationship, it’s important to consider your partner’s needs and wants. If you’re constantly neglecting your partner’s needs, it can put a strain on the relationship.
People who authentically love each other do not neglect their partners’ needs.
Your partner may feel like they’re not a priority in your life and that their needs are being ignored. This can lead to resentment and frustration.
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to try to meet your partner’s needs. This may mean making some sacrifices on your part, but it will be worth it in the long run.
What you can do about it:
Pay attention to your partner’s needs and address them whenever you can.
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7. Being too needy
“Neediness is the greatest destroyer of intimacy in relationships.” — Wayne Dyer
While it’s important to consider your partner’s needs, it’s also important to be mindful of your own neediness.
If you’re constantly needing your partner’s attention and validation, it can put a strain on the relationship. Your partner may feel like they can’t ever do anything right or that they’re not good enough for you. This can lead to resentment and eventually, a breakup.
According to a research paper published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “neediness is associated with poorer relationship quality, including less satisfaction and more conflict.”
What you can do about it:
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to try to control your neediness. This may mean spending more time on self-care or talking to a therapist about your issues.
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8. Resorting to name-calling
“The easiest way to stop a fight is to never start one.” — Unknown
Name-calling is one of the quickest ways to destroy a relationship. When you resort to name-calling, it shows that you’re not willing to communicate openly and respectfully with your partner.
Name-calling can also lead to a feeling of insecurity and low self-esteem in your partner. They may start to doubt their worth and value in the relationship.
According to a research paper published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “name-calling is associated with poorer relationship quality, including less satisfaction and more conflict.”
What you can do about it:
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to try to communicate without resorting to name-calling. This may mean taking some time to calm down before you discuss your issues with your partner.
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9. Caring more about what the world thinks than what you and your partner think
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Teese
It’s important to remember that you can’t please everyone all the time. There will always be people in the world who don’t like you or agree with you.
If you’re constantly trying to please everyone, it can take a toll on your relationships. You may find yourself neglecting your own needs in order to make others happy.
Your partner may feel like they’re not a priority in your life and that their needs are being ignored. This can lead to resentment and frustration.
It’s important to decide what kind of relationship you want to build with your partner, and focus on giving it your best. Remember, your own opinion matters.
According to a research paper published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “people who focus on others’ opinions are more likely to experience conflict in their relationships.”
What you can do about it:
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to focus on your own needs and what makes you happy. This may mean setting boundaries with people who don’t support your relationship.
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Final Thoughts
In conclusion, there are many things that can lead to the destruction of a relationship. It’s important to be aware of these things and try to avoid them.
However, if you find yourself in a destructive relationship, it may be time to seek help from a therapist or counselor.
If you find yourself exhibiting any of these habits, it is a good indication that you might be sabotaging your chances of finding true love.
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And now your thoughts…
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section.
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Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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