9 Reasons Why Long Distance Relationships Suck

My last relationship was a long distance relationship. We were 18,695 km apart. The circumference of the earth is 40,075km. So that’s basically about as far about as you can be from another person who’s not an astronaut.

We met when I was travelling solo through Europe and it was whirlwind romance. That real sappy romantic-drama kind of stuff. We’d only spend a handful of days together, but I was an absolute goner. I knew we had something special, and I knew that she thought so as well.

Her and I talked every day from the day we met until the week before we broke up. We would text eachother first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. I’d stay up until 2am talking to her, because that was 2pm in the afternoon for her. She did the same for me.

After months of dodging around the “What are we?” conversation, we agreed to meet up again, each flying thousands of kilometers to meet in the middle. I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me. It was official. Over the next year, I visited her in her home town, and she came to mine.

It was pretty damn nice. But, almost 2 years after meeting, we broke up.

. . .

Ultimately, the relationship didn’t work out for a lot of reasons. None of these reasons were helped by being on opposite sides of the world from eachother.

So, in my state of mourning, let me tell you why I think long distance relationships just absolutely suck.

. . .

You can’t touch them.

You can’t reach out and hold their hand. You can’t give them a hug. You can’t have hot make-up sex. You can’t kiss them goodnight. 0/10.

. . .

Seeing other couples will make you feel sad.

I remember catching up with my couple friends who had met at the same time me and my ex did, and feeling jealous of how far along their relationship was just by virtue of being able to physically spend time together.

It wasn’t just them, seeing any couple together was enough to make me feel a bit bummed out.

. . .

You can’t always tell who they are.

I got to know my ex largely via texts and video calls. Most of our relationship was spent apart and I only saw her with her friends and family once. This sense of not knowing her completely, it never really went away.

Many times I wondered how much of her I imagined in my head, and how much was actually real. Did I love this person, or did I love my idea of this person? Do they love me, or their idea of me?

. . .

If you’re insecure, it will drive you insane.

I was lucky that I always trusted my ex. We would both always text as soon as we could, tell eachother what we were up to and there was an implicit level of trust we both held.

However, that is the only level of trust that any long distance relationship can survive on. If one of you is always paranoid about what the other one is doing, it’s game over kids. It will make you crazy wondering all the things your partner could be up to and you will drive them away with your neediness.

. . .

You can’t communicate like you normally would.

Obviously you can’t talk face to face, but the rhythm of communication is different to being in-person. You can’t pop your head into the next room to ask them something. You can’t muse over something together during dinner. You can’t go to brunch together and gossip about how expensive avocado toast is.

The dynamics and feel of communication is very different face-to-face vs through a phone.

. . .

On that note: texting is a terrible medium.

Things get lost in translation over text all the time. Tone and sarcasm is lost. Timing of texts can make you think something isn’t right. But because you can’t always be calling your long distance partner, you’ll invariably and constantly be texting them.

It’s convenient but can easily lead to misunderstandings. (Warning: never have arguments via text message. Always call them.)

. . .

It was expensive.

Perhaps it’s not kosher to talk about relationships costing money. But frankly, this relationship was expensive.

We both spent thousands of dollars flying to meet eachother and travel together. Was it worth it? Absolutely, every cent. Did it cost me a tonne of money? You betcha.

. . .

You can’t tell how compatible you might actually be if you were together in real life.

Aka. You have no idea how they’ll annoy you and how you’ll annoy them. You’ve built a routine and set a dynamic based on your virtual connection and this might be totally different when you’re together in real life.

For me, I found my ex to be a lot less organised in real life, she was always late and always forgot something. To her, I was probably a lot more rigid and pedantic than I might be over the phone. This wasn’t a dealbreaker, but it did create some tension. These were things we couldn’t know until we were together.

. . .

You feel like you’re always waiting.

I wouldn’t consider myself someone who gets lost in relationships, I have a close group of friends and as an introvert, I like being alone. But there were so many days during our relationship, that I felt like I was simply waiting out the hours so that I would be that much closer to seeing her again.

The excitement and anticipation wears off, until you’re simply sad, missing them and waiting. It’s a frustrating state to be in and can certainly wear the relationship down over time.

. . .

Having said all that, I have no regrets about my experience with long distance.

It was difficult, but it was also a very nurturing and supportive relationship. This was a person I loved and learnt so much from. Even though it didn’t end the way I wanted to, I’m still happy we tried.

So to everyone who has someone special but far away, please, go for it. Don’t let this grumpy article stop you from putting your heart out there.

To those reading this and in a long distance relationship, from the bottom of my heart: Keep going. I really hope it works out for you. ❤️

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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