A lot of progress has been made in the body image movement for women. Sami Holden wonders why this hasn’t been extended to include men.
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Across many on-line outlets, I’ve seen an outpouring about “96 Bodies You Won’t See On Billboards – But Should” – a pro-all bodies confidence booster. When looking through images I see women who look more like me. Nothing about me resembles that of a model, something I’ve come to accept. My sister was a model in her youth and into her early twenties, and we have extremely different body types. Although I realize that not all women look like the pictures in the magazines, and models look quite different than their photos in real life, I understand why seeing all bodies is so important to so many. This makes me question though – where is the counter-part to this for all of the guys?
“I think I’m going to become vegan” my friend announced to me. Ten minutes later he was discussing his favorite place to get pizza. I pointed out that this very pizza would not be on the menu once he became vegan. I questioned why he was making such a life change. He wasn’t even a vegetarian. Was it moral reasons? No. He recently had an arm injury, and combined with already existing bad joints due to health issues, his doctor had suggested he stop exercising for a while to recover. My friend was terrified that he would start gaining weight. He is not overweight nor has he ever been, but he wanted six-pack abs and he could see that goal drifting further and further away.
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It’s not hard to see where the pressure for six-pack abs comes from. After all, that is the image perpetuated to men of what “ideal” is. It’s often said that a confident man is a sexy man, but how can confidence be achieved in a society that creates unrealistic physical expectations? In addition to well-muscled, magazine images tell men that they must be tall and without body hair, yet still have a full amount of hair on their head. Any talk of body image issues for men is kept at a minimum even though it’s something I’ve seen over and again with men I’ve dated as well as friends. A man I dated after college had lost 50 lbs shortly before we started dating. Any picture of himself from the time before the weight loss he referred to as “fat me”, and would post pictures from this time frame on-line to only cut-down and mock his once larger appearance.
Even an agonizing amount of time spent in the gym cannot create the model-esque appearance for most. Beyond weight, there is a lot to the “perfect male specimen” image that is beyond the control of men, and yet this is supposed to be the physical ideal. Of course the hirsute male could wax, but that’s both painful and a chore to keep up. The shorter statured male can’t just grow. I’ve seen my male friends spend countless time using gel, hairspray, and try to coif their hair in an arrangement to stave off any appearance of hair loss. Many men are anxious over hair loss that isn’t happening, and others are frustrated over the inability to stop the biological process towards bald.
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A while back I stood in an airport security line behind Bradley Cooper, a onetime “sexiest man of the year”. Having already met a few Hollywood types, I know that male actors tend to be average height, something that surprises many in person. I also know that a lot of the images we see are camera angles, lighting and make-up. Bradley was attractive, but no more-so than many men I know in real life. To me, my boyfriend at the time was just as attractive.
“You’re lying,” my now-ex accused me when I told him that very thing. He wouldn’t believe, couldn’t believe, that a woman could find a range of appearances attractive or that his girlfriend would rather be with him than Bradley Cooper. After all, he was 5’4 and the magazines told him that was something about him that he could never fix. To make up for height insecurities, my ex ran four miles every day, even when he was severely sick with the flu while I tried desperately to get him to take a break. It was the only physical aspect he felt he had control over. I liked his height; it meant that when we kissed I didn’t have to crane my neck. There was no effective way to explain that to him.
Earlier this year, the Today Show did a survey that found over half of men are unsure about their appearance at least once a week. It’s not a surprise when they are holding themselves to the standards of Channing Tatum (which, just personally, I much prefer Jason Schwartzman). This should be proof alone that a “96 Bodies…” project would be beneficial for men.
For the people attracted to types other than what’s currently portrayed in the media, it would be great to see some variety; including images that we’re actually attracted to. Also, for the men that are holding themselves to impossible and unnecessary standards, it’s about damn time we take the pressure off. I sincerely hope that the next time I see an all bodies piece, it truly is inclusive of all bodies.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Here comes the unpopular view… 1st, you’re right. There is a double standard. More importantly? The female version of this movement is crap. I know, I know, little girls think they have to be thin to get ahead in life…i’ve heard it all. But here’s the truth: Companies put skinny people on billboards because they are more attractive to more people. That does not mean those people are discriminatory to overweight people. The part that gets left out of this discussion is biology. And, biology is the only part that is not arguable. You can debate about psychology and opinions… Read more »
Andy – opinions are opinions. If you take a closer look at the 96 bodies, it is trying to encompass all bodies and not just in the overweight directions. If you look at female models – they’re of a specific height, most are thin but also are busty to an extent, there is less ethnic diversity, and the models even have certain hair (which is why it was a big deal when Victoria’s Secret model, Karlie Kloss, cut her hair so short a year or so ago). Those women still would not make it on to billboards due to rigid… Read more »
There are certainly a lot of double-standards. Most women do not like being rejected romantically because of their weight, but those some women will often reject a man for not having enough hair, wearing glasses or being too short. Such a man receives ridicule for being conventionally unattractive but a woman will (largely, but not always) receive sympathy for male shallowness.
Men are implored over and over again to look beyond a woman’s physical appearance, and condemned when we do not. It’s about time we had more memes like this:
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/real-men-have-curves.jpg
I love hearing women whine about, “Oh, where are all the GOOD men?!!” These same women are the ones who CONSTANTLY date men with the “perfect” body, and when these “perfect”-looking men abuse them or give them other kinds of trouble, they rationalize about CONTINUING to date these men. I have stopped feeling sorry for these women. They claim muscle men are better in bed and are “bad boys” who give them James Bond-like thrills, so they just keep going back to them regardless of what these men may do to them. I am SICK TO DEATH of hearing this… Read more »
Thanks for this article. I think men’s body issue problems need to be discussed more. Too many people look at men’s body issues as a joke. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/19/full-frontal-disney-feminism-s-nudity-double-standard.html# I think there are several possible reasons for this: people fear women’s sexuality and want to repress it, there is the belief that men shouldn’t be sexually desired so all men’s bodies are ugly, people believe there are already varied depictions of the male body in media, people believe that it distracts from talking about women’s body issues, and I think there is also a belief that men don’t need to look good.… Read more »