Dear Mom…

I know it’s a bit late for Mother’s day, but that doesn’t really matter (especially if you are in a part of the world that doesn’t observe that particular day). There is never a wrong day to tell your mom you love her. So (hopefully) to inspire you, here is a copy of the letter I recently wrote to my mother while she was going through a particularly difficult time…

Dear Mom,

I want to tell you something that I’ve wanted to say for some time now but couldn’t quite find the words. It may be late, maybe too little too late. Nevertheless, I need to say these words to you…

I love you.

I mean that from the depth of my being, with no caveats, conditions, addendums or agendas.

I realize this path hasn’t been easy for you. The moment you decided to have me, you took upon yourself something so utterly profound and life-altering that you probably didn’t even fully gasp it at the time. You may have known, on some level, that it would be a hard road, but you could never have known just how hard it would be. Sure, there were some clues that it wasn’t going to be easy, like the fact that I didn’t come with an instruction manual. But, as a lot of things in life, nothing fully prepares you for the reality of it. And now that I’m grown, though I could never fully grasp everything that you have gone through on your own journey of motherhood, I want you to know that I love you and I truly, deeply appreciate everything you’ve done for me.

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

Every decision you made in the heat of the moment, with incomplete knowledge, limited resources, and with incomprehensible ripple effects… Every word you spoke, whether from a place of peace and tenderness or from frustration and exasperation… Every choice you made, whether I agreed with it or not, and whether it seemed you even had a choice or not… I know, on some level you did it out of love. It may not have seemed like it at the time, but I know now, and I want you to know that I know.

Love comes in different shapes and colors. And while it may not always be perfect, that doesn’t make it any less than pure love.

I remember when I was young, trying to draw a perfect heart so that I could cut it out and paste it on a card that I had made for you. I tried so desperately to make it perfect. I tried so many times and finally just had to accept the imperfections as good enough. But when I finished the card and presented it to you, you didn’t see the imperfections. You saw the love behind it. And you saw it as beautiful.

Now, when I look back at all the gifts you’ve given me over the years, that’s all I see. Your love for me.

I know we’ve had our moments of disagreement and disappointment. There were times when I may have even questioned your love for me. There may have been times when I was so hurt that I withdrew my love from you, even if for a brief time. I’m sure that hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. But what I want you to know is that I now understand.

I understand that, as a mother, there was never a time that you didn’t love me. Even when I was too young to comprehend the very concept of love, you loved me. Even when I was too immature to understand how love could delay or deny the things I may have wanted that seemed so important to me at a time when all I could think about was myself… You loved me. And even when you made choices that perhaps were not healthy for you or for me, you loved me. And I know that will never change.

That is why, in this moment, I am declaring that for now, and forever, no matter what happens or what comes between us in the heat of the moment or the slow passing of time, that I love you too. And that will never change.

Your loving son forever,

Joel

If you have not said or written these or similar words to your mother recently, or if you have difficulty even forming the “right” words, I am inviting you to borrow mine. This is an open-source letter, which means you are free to take it, copy it, add to it and/or modify it to suit your own situation and sentiments.

Your mom (or mum, or ma, or whatever term of endearment you prefer) needs to hear this from you today.

Don’t delay.