A Dating Faux Pas — 'I’m Not My Type’s Type'

In some ways, dating is a lot like a job interview.

We don’t like to think of it that way but there is some truth to it. You’re looking for a person who can fill a certain place in your life, as are they. In the early stages, you’re both feeling each other out. If there’s chemistry and it works, you move forward. You continue as long as there’s a match and it works for both people.

This is a lot like how jobs work, too. You apply, get through an interview process, and stay at the job as long as it works for you and the company.

Now, what would happen if you constantly applied for jobs that you weren’t qualified for?

Let’s say you liked the title, the salary, the big name, and you really wanted to work there. But when you read the description, you didn’t meet the credentials of what they were looking for.

Whatever. You throw your hat in the ring anyway. And you might, on occasion, get an interview — but will you get the job?

Probably not.

This is the problem with dating today.

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“I’m not my type’s type.”

This is what happens when we price ourselves off the market.

We create a laundry list of things we want in a partner, but seldom reflect on what we have to offer in return.

Women, especially, tend to struggle with this. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen average women act like they deserve well above-average men. He should be tall, handsome, rich, smart, and an excellent lover — while you are overweight, average at best with a face full of makeup, and know nothing of what it means to be a good partner.

Something is not adding up.

Now, this isn’t to knock on people for being less than “desirable” in many ways. Rather, it’s to draw attention to the demands we make on others without realistically looking at ourselves in the mirror.

Let’s be fair to both sides of the coin.

But how?

Change your standards.

If you find that everyone you’re attracted to isn’t attracted to you, that’s a good sign that you need to reevaluate your standards.

This doesn’t mean lowering your standards altogether, but you should at least consider changing them to more closely reflect the types of people that come your way.

By all means, have standards. But at a certain point, they may be hindering your chances rather than helping them.

Work on yourself.

Self-improvement is the best thing you can focus on while single. (And while in a relationship!)

Pay attention to the criticism you hear from others, especially those closest to you. They’re onto something.

Set goals for yourself and never fall into complacency. Whether that means working on a life skill, a hobby, your physical health, or mental well-being — you should always be working towards enhancing your life.

Get some honest friends.

I could not tell you the number of girls who will swear that their friends and the prettiest, most amazing, fabulous people on the face of the earth.

Women love to complement each other face-to-face, but rarely ever confront problems or offer room for improvement.

I myself probably wouldn’t tell a friend my honest opinion unless she really asks for it. But sometimes, you need the honest truth. Living in your own delusion is keeping you from what you truly want.

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Final thoughts

If you’re “not your type’s type” then that is probably a good indication that you aren’t being realistic about your own level of attractiveness and desirability.

If you are looking to get into a relationship, you shouldn’t place yourself off the market.

And if you’re looking to get hired, don’t only apply for jobs that you aren’t qualified for.c

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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