Deciding whether to adopt more children can bring out a difficult internal struggle. Henry Amador explains his reasoning.
Our adopting via foster care story continues here in North Carolina. As some of you know, we are licensed to take in two children and have previously expressed our willingness to adopt a sibling group.
My husband wants a house full and our son will gladly say that he wants a brother AND a sister.
We continue to get our email alerts attached with beautiful photos and not so beautiful stories about the children that find themselves in care and just how they got there.
Each time I open a file I imagine my life with one or two more children added to our mix.
Our son is nearing four.
He is fully potty trained, not a pull up to be found in our home.
He is extremely witty, articulate and engaged.
I rarely have to guess what he will want to eat, he just tells me.
He’s like a little dude, scratching his back side as he opens the refrigerator door and pulls out his juice or a yogurt all on his own.
“Dad” he yells from the pantry, “we need to buy more brown sugar pop tarts!” He’s awesome right now, so helpful and present and dare I say it, easy.
I try to imagine taking in a newborn now at the age of 51 and spending the next three + years of my life back in diapers, back in the vague, confusing world of trying to understand my child’s needs, my child’s wants. Back in the foggy world of sleepless nights and bottles and never ending pots of coffee.
We considered older children but with all the studies being done regarding adoption and maintaining birth order we feel our son would be better served by being the big brother.
We recently had our caseworker send our file over for consideration for a sibling group, two of the sweetest faced angels you could imagine, ages one and three. We were not chosen as their adoptive family and after an evening or two of silent disappointment I suddenly came out of that thinking to myself, “what, have you lost your mind, what the hell are you thinking? ”
Imagine suddenly being the stay at home primary care giver of a one, three and nearly four year old!
That got my husband and I having yet more real serious talks about what we really needed in life.
Do we really need three kids?
Do we really want three kids?
We are also under contract to buy a new home soon. Prior to selecting this house we found ourselves looking for houses that would be perfect for our future family, our not even existent family, not our real life, present day family.
We finally found a lovely home in a great neighborhood in a great school district, but will it have room for our own little baseball team to stretch out in? No.
Is one child enough in today’s world?
Will we not be able to afford our boy so much more if it remains just him? We can continue to socialize him with our ever full dance card of playdates and adventures, can’t we? What about health care? Education?
As I sit and write this piece my little man is seated beside me with his IPad, headset on, laughing hysterically with Tom the Cat.
I am almost able to get through an hour of work without too much distraction. I am just starting to be able to feel like a fulfilled adult again, even if just for that occasional hour.
Are we ready to give that up? Am I ready to start all over again?
Gosh, I wish I had the answer to that question.
Fast forward down the road five years and our friends will probably be asking us why we are selling our awesome home and we will probably reply, “we’ve just outgrown it, it’s not big enough for us and the six kids!”
Wish us luck!
By Henry Amador
This article was previously published on The Next Family. Read the original article.
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