As some of you may know by now I work in the healthcare industry, in the emergency department. It’s hectic, it’s draining and far too often it’s sad. Honestly, I’ve concluded that in healthcare, the main factor contributing to burnout is seeing so many truly sick people.
As such, in the emergency department, we learn quickly not to take anything personally. Heated moments are nothing more than a stressful day, and I like to admit I’m pretty good at not taking anything personally, for the most part.
I’ve had words with a few coworkers who I felt could have handled a request in a nicer manner or were too snippy. Ya, I’m one of those upbeat workers that probably irritate others. However, my method always works. I’m polite and professional yet direct.
However, my epiphany today is that my directness is mostly, or almost always addressed to other women. Why is this? Perhaps I expect women to have a softer delivery than men? I’ve come to the realization I take abruptness from women personally, but I expect and accept it from men.
I’ve noticed for a while now that I’m more subdued with the male gender. Maybe I accept directness from men because they’re men. Maybe I feel more subservient to a man who holds the exact same position as a woman. I realize this must sound horrendous, and I agree. Why would I respect a man’s authority over a woman’s?
But wait, do I respect a man’s authority over women, or do I just expect women to be kinder? Either way, it’s the same thing, instinctive self-suppression.
As a Gen-X I’ve been raised to look up to the male gender. I’ve inadvertently been brainwashed to believe men are smarter, stronger, better at math and more logical than women.
One may assume I was raised by a domineering father figure. This is the polar opposite of the truth. My mother pretty much had to raise my sister and me herself.
In a subtle and subconscious way, my mother held a certain regard for men. My mother was an early baby boomer. She definitely had an old-fashioned upbringing.
I know I’m a lot like her, and I’ve recently discovered my subconscious, and unwanted intimidation of men. I’m quiet and less apt to speak my mind with men, and far more social with women.
So how do I change? How do I stop regarding men as smarter, stronger, better at math and more successful?
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This reminds me of the old adage; if a man is direct he’s being authoritative, if a woman is direct she’s being a bitch. Being a 1970s child, I believe I’ve been conditioned to accept that.
Science Daily discusses the findings of a study that found male college students to be more confident in their intellectual capabilities than female students. They also perceived themselves as more intelligent than women. Alternatively, women perceived themselves as inferior, and less intelligent.
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When I was in university I remember one specific class; research methods in the psychology program. As a group, we needed to come up with a social experiment. Our group consisted of two men and two women. The men of the group not only chose the experiment, putting down all our ideas, but they also took over the entire project. We sat one day at a shared computer in the lab trying to peer over their shoulders while they, themselves worked on our project and ignored us completely to the point that we no longer knew what was going on at all. This was eye-opening. Ultimately, our group failed the project miserably, and I quickly learned that sexism is alive and well.
Why do I also fall into this sexist mentality, when I experience it firsthand?
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A few years ago I was working at the airport prior to Covid and was standing next to my coworker, an older and classically distinguished-looking man; a retired school principal. A younger man approached us for directions. As I gave him the directions he was very curt; didn’t believe my very correct directions and looked to the former school principal for confirmation. My coworker, noticing this replied just as curtly; ‘she gave you the answer’. Afterwards, my coworker couldn’t believe what transpired and how dismissed I was. I told him this was a regular scenario, he was shocked. Yes, this was a daily occurrence.
This incident could be one of many that perpetuate a sexist society. Perhaps I’ve been conditioned to feel gender inferiority based on how society has treated us for several decades. Let me quickly say that obviously, there are many wonderful men who are not sexist, but there are also many men who are, whether they consciously realize it or not.
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Perhaps, my inferior self-perception could be a result of the 16.1 % annual wage gap that astonishingly still exists between men and women. Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) shows Canada as the 8th worst country for gender wage differences within ranking countries. The United States is similar in its gender wage gap at a 16.6% wage difference. Wow, and to think this is still a thing in this decade.
As a result of the gender wage gap, Canadian women retire with 22% less pension than men. In addition, Canada places 40 out of 156 countries in response to the gender wage gap and available opportunities. I’m beginning to see gender inequality comes straight from the top.
As a result of my research, I suspect my own perception of gender equality is a result of systemic gender inequality that still exists today. The United Nations Population Fund-UNFPA claims there is a universal gender inequality that includes resources, opportunity and decision-making. According to UNFPA, they have adopted a gender mainstreaming plan which hopes to bring further attention to gender disparities.
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My mother’s generation was raised to believe men were more capable, smarter and more successful than the ‘fairer sex’ and my generation is still experiencing this disparity. Hopefully, by continuing the conversation and standing strong every chance we get, both men and women can join the gender inequality fight, and the next few generations can learn by example.
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Hi, I’m Lily!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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