Mom, I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss hugging you. Hearing your voice calling out my name. Listening to you getting all excited when sharing the latest neighborhood gossip. Seeing the light in your eyes.
I even miss moments I never thought I would, like studying for a test while rehearsing someone’s bio in front of you.
I miss waking up earlier than usual and finding you sitting on your rocking chair, with the front door open and a coffee cup wrapped around your fingers. Enjoying the first moments of the day in calm and quietness.
The saddest thing is, I know you miss those mornings too.
Your life has changed so brutally in the past 7 years. It must be rough for a person to endure so much in such a short span of time.
I know you are blocking it, of course. You are alienating yourself from reality, like an addict who prefers to stay under the influence to avoid confrontation with “the other”. Moving the wheel without even wanting to stop to think about why it is moving.
That kills me the most, because it’s exactly that alienation which keeps you from climbing out of the hole that you find yourself falling deeper into.
I would like to say something, but I am so afraid to hurt you. The awakening is going to be tough. At the same time, I know that it will be so worth it.
Abstinence days are the equivalent to self-reflection days. It will turn you inside-out, if you are true to yourself. It is supposed to.
Confronting demons that we have kept locked in a bag for years doesn’t come at a cheap price. Nor does the process of sitting with them, analyzing why they are there and what made us lock them up. It takes a lot of energy and willpower.
However, once it’s done, and you have clear your system, your self, it will feel as if a veil has been removed from your eyes. You will see colors again. You will have plans. You with feel joy. I promise this.
You need to be brave and remember that your life belongs to you. And then your eyes, mom, will start to shine again.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
