What do you believe is the most essential quality women seek in a man?
I asked my male buddies this question to get a male perspective, and some of the replies are, “Someone who’s tall, dark, handsome, and hung?” There were several references to money such as, “He’s loaded.”
I’m not sure why ‘wealthy big penis’ seems to permeate the male mind when thinking about what women want, but it does. I find that kind of funny but also sad. I think it’s really an illustration of how little we actually understand each other.
For the record, and I also find this amusing, I remember reading in the book, “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam that studies have revealed it’s that men are more concerned with penis size than women.
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It’s an excellent book and truth; you’ll be shocked silly by what you’ll learn if you read it.
Combined, a study led by Virginia J. Vitzthum from the Kinsey Institute let me know I had to write this article — for all of you guys out there who may have misguided ideas about what women want. (Dodgson)
Because if you’re anything like my pals, you might believe that height is critical, or having biceps, pecs, and all the rest. Alternatively, bring rich. Or, better yet, a combination of all three.
Who could blame you? After all, Hollywood and social media have been sending the same message for decades: if you’re not rich (or at least conventionally attractive), you’re not worth dating. Yes, that’s the focus of some, but I believe that’s a minority.
If you believe that, I want you to know something: Hollywood and social media have done a terrible job understanding what women value most in relationships. Really? How often has Hollywood helped understand truth?
As a side note, you should avoid those women like the.
Why avoid these women? Because they’re not interested in you. They want trophies, not relationships. They are the female equivalent of what many women believe most men long to find.
I could retire now if I had a dime for every dating profile where the man tried to appear tall, muscular, and wealthy. Not just retire; I’m talking retire on that big colossal home in Maine by a lake I’ve always dreamed of retiring.
Most males need help understanding what women want, in my experience. And that sometimes leads to unnecessary confusion when dates fail to go well.
As a man who has had many female friends (both romantic as well as gin and platonic) and who takes pleasure in learning about and discussing relationships, it is time for men to make an effort to understand what women genuinely desire from partners. It’s not about one-night stands or casual relationships. Specifically, I’m referring to romantic partnerships, wherein a notable distinction exists.
So Let’s get to it.
A survey of women spanning the globe of over 68,000 women found that kindness was the quality they valued most in a life partner more than any other. Don’t read kind as weak but kisser; this man is caring, generous, and protective of others. Please don’t read kind as ‘spinless doormat.’
Yup!
Nearly 90% of the women polled, representing a wide range of ethnicities, socioeconomic statuses, and educational levels, stated they prioritize being kind to others.
Almost half of the women in the same survey stated they would rather date men with average or “dad bods” than those who are exceptionally muscular. Actually, just a minuscule percent of the women who responded to the poll even remotely admitted that they like guys that are highly fit and ‘man pretty.’
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This survey’s results, at least to me, are not all that surprising.
In one survey, tens of thousands of women ranked kindness as the most important quality in a man. Remember that when you feel unattractive or out of your league.
Women are tired of dating cocky men who think looks, money, and few jokes are enough. They’re tired of hollow promises and games. I’m putting this politely. If you’re a relationship researcher/writer like me and you’re reading what women are writing, I just wrote you an article using kid gloves, men!
Everyone’s appearance fades. Even the best plastic surgeons and all the money in the world can’t keep you looking 25 at 80. Just look at all the aging, absurdly affluent Hollywood celebrities.
What remains when youth and physique are no longer on your side?
Heart! How they treat themselves, you, and the person who cut into their lane while they’re late. That’s important. How you treat yourself is as vital as how you treat them. If you don’t care for yourself, how can you care for another? If you don’t show caring kindness towards strangers, service workers and our all-important furry creatures of the planet, how can a woman know you really care for her? How can she know it’s not an act to get something?
If you’re a guy attempting to understand, let me help:
Decent women don’t care how much time you spend at the gym or how much money you have. The women that do, they’re kind of like half-baked bread. They smell amazing, but their not quite done in the middle yet.
Why? You should date self-sufficient ladies. They don’t expect drinks or fancy gifts. They appreciate it when you do, but it’s not an expectation. They’re self-sufficient, the same as they EXPECT you to be.
They need a person with whom they can be vulnerable. Someone who loves them as they are. Someone they can relax with after a long day.
Good women want this. Everything else — appearance, money, etc. — is secondary to who you should be with. Outside adornments don’t mask what lies within.
In relationships, compromise is vital, but don’t compromise your expectations or lose hope because you haven’t found a match.
Full Citation: Dodgson, Lindsay. “A Study of 68,000 People Has Determined What Women Really Look for in a Partner, and It’s Not Money or a Muscular Body.” Insider, 24 July 2019, www.insider.com/what-women-really-look-for-in-a-partner-study-research-2019-7.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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