A Must Read for Men Who Have Struggled With Dating

 

Do I even need to say it, dating is weird these days. Not only that, but the current state of relations between the two genders isn’t great either.

There are many studies today that point to the overall decline in dating and romantic relationships. There are studies which indicate that more young males are single and not having sex today (almost 1 in 3), and on top of that there are studies indicating that 45% of women will be single and childless by the year 2030.

Still, finding a romantic partner who you can spend time with, confide in, be physically intimate with, and also be one of your best friends is one of life’s greatest joys. I hope everyone who wants this in their life can one day experience it.

For many men, the struggle is especially hard today. Dating apps, shifting ideas around gender, and societal trends seem to have made it harder for men to find potential mates. It used to be considered totally normal to meet and approach potential mates out in public, but today it’s considered a little more tacky and taboo (but I still recommend you do this).

What’s a guy to do?

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Don’t give up and you will eventually find somebody you really click with.

Do you hear me, man? Don’t quit!

Before you read on, I need you to resolve within yourself that this is something you will not give up on in your life! Okay good!

Dating and relationships aren’t easy, and in a sense, they aren’t meant to be easy. If this is something you truly want, accept the fact that it won’t be easy, and keep at it.

I know you’ve struggled and have felt hopeless in this area before, I get it. I want you to know however that your struggle isn’t unique. You are not more broken than the next guy, you just need:

1. To heal from your past disappointments and percieved rejections
2. To figure out why you have struggled and slowly work to correct those patterns
3. Invest the time and effort into meeting people

 

It’s absolutely essential though, that you go into this with the proper mindset. Basically, you need to believe deep within yourself that things can be different, this can get better for you, and the past doesn’t determine the future.

Keep trying, keep putting yourself out there, keep working at it. Do all of this with intentionality, leave your ego at the door, and something will eventually happen.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

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Have empathy for women.

Regardless of what many people like to say these days, men and women are different, and this includes our day-to-day lived experiences.

It’s an act of bravery on a daily basis to be a woman walking through the world. Almost every woman out there has some experience of:

• Street harassment
• Sexual assault
• Physical assault
• Stalking
• Being taken advantage of in some way

 

Women understandably need to be on their guard much more than men do just walking through the world, so if you want to date a woman you need to understand and empathize with this on some level. I know you can because you’re one of the good guys anyway!

When you have that empathy for them, it will change how you interact with them, and women can pick up on when a guy just “gets it”. You will be more relaxed, which will make her more relaxed, and you will have a greater chance of connecting with her.

Have empathy. Remove yourself from your solipsistic viewpoint for once. It isn’t that hard.

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The most important thing for you to do during this journey is to work on yourself.

If you believe you shouldn’t have to, then good luck to you my friend.

Let’s put it this way, would you want to get with a woman who:

• Depends on her parents for absolutely everything
• Doesn’t take care of herself physically
• Doesn’t take care of her mental health
• Has no real goals or interests
• Is boring, bitter, jaded, or generally just unpleasant to be around

 

My guess is probably not. I know, you’re probably thinking; “but I already do work on myself a lot! I go to the gym and I read self-improvement books and I’ve been making an effort to dress better and also talk to more people.”

Once again, this journey isn’t easy. But if you already do practice self-improvement, then congrats my friend! You’re already well on your way to getting what you want, even though it sometimes feels painfully slow.

Keep working on yourself, and never stop, even when you land that awesome girlfriend. I mean, especially after you land that awesome girlfriend!

At the end of the day you’re doing it for yourself, you owe it to yourself to become the best version of yourself you can possibly become, and when you do this somebody awesome will eventually come along to enjoy the ride with you.

Photo by Tibor Pápai on Unsplash

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Find joy in other areas of your life outside of dating.

For the sake of yourself, you need to aim to have a well-rounded life and a purpose outside of your love life. What are the other things in your life that can bring you fulfillment?

Look to create an active and thriving social life (this will help with dating too), and develop deep friendships with people. Find hobbies and other creative passions you can lean into as well. Set up a life full of connection, interest, and adventures.

Again, do this for yourself first, you owe it to yourself to build a life you actually enjoy, nobody else can do that for you.

What are you passionate about? What are you interested in? Is there something you’ve always wanted to try, or perhaps somewhere you’ve always wanted to travel to? Start building a list and slowly checking the items off.

Build that joyous and colorful life!

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You are worthy of Love my friend!

I know it’s cliche, so hopefully this time it actually gets through that thick skull of yours.

We were all born as perfect little beings, and we all have the capacity to love in this life. Maybe you have become jaded over the years from a stressful life coupled with the feeling that you are constantly being passed up and looked over. It can definitely be discouraging.

Until you deeply believe that you are worthy, things will not change for you. If you feel like you aren’t worthy of receiving love, you are unlikely to give love, and you need to give love to receive love.

Embrace it because it’s the damn truth! Accept it! Stop resisting it! You are worthy, and you can find the love you’ve always wanted.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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