What Are You Celebrating?
On the walk from the lobby to his office, my therapist asked: “How’s your holiday season going?”
I thought for a moment, then answered with the most candid answer I’ve probably ever uttered when asked this question.
“I’m not participating this year,” I said.
Old me might have said: “Yep, just doing my best trying to get through it.”
Or, “I haven’t even begun my shopping! I need to get out there!”
Or, “Yes, it’s great! I just love this time of year, don’t you?”
I thought I had to keep explaining myself to him, adding more reasons as we continued our walk to his office.
I didn’t have to.
That statement was enough.
And so, I won’t go into why I’m not celebrating the holidays this year, and instead, I’ll share what I am celebrating, if you’ll allow me the space.
I’m celebrating how far I have come since the start of this year.
I am celebrating that I am the healthiest version of myself at these very moments, compared to where I was about six months ago, when I entertained thoughts of ending my life.
I am celebrating that I am deciding to be who I am meant to be, and that I am moving on from people, relationships, and mindsets that are no longer aligned to me.
I am celebrating that my life is in a period of massive change and transformation and that it can be messy and challenging and even difficult at times.
I’m embracing and celebrating what is and what will be, and I am letting go of what was.
So, no, I am not celebrating this time of year in the way that many do with ribbons and bows and lights and tinsel. I’m not living at the mall or online looking for deals. I’m not going to twinkling events that will require me to buy more, that will expect me to pour my energy into the rapids of capitalism.
No.
Instead, I am going to enjoy the finite daylight the is given at this time of year, and I’m going to savor the darkness, because I now see that it serves the purpose of introspection and building warmth and light from within in order to give to others.
And I will give to others. That is what this time, as all the times of the year, should be about. As the love grows inside, built upon love and respect for self, so does it flow to others like a gentle river, steady and calm and life-giving.
That is where I will be sitting this year, next to the rio, warmed by the light of a fire, watching the silent stars go by, being my genuine self, giving the most loving parts of me to those I love.
That is how I will celebrate and participate this year.
So, now the question is: How are you celebrating yourself at this time of year?
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Photo by Paolo Nicolello on Unsplash
