A Small Town Responds to Its Own – and Other's – Racism

I live in a small town on the Delaware River. With only 4000 residents, many of whom are therapists and artists, the town is definitely left-leaning. We have definite diversity of sexual orientation, but the predominant racial makeup is White. We’ve all been affected by George Floyd’s death, and have responded in our many ways, including a protest parade the weekend after Floyd was killed.

What’s set us apart is the memory of his death has not faded as it left the front page. I continue to blog and support diverse clientele in my therapy practice. A group of residents created a well-thought-out, interactive, and deeply moving memorial affirming that Black Lives Matter. Another resident, who happens to be a White man married to a Black man, created a lawn sign, educating the town’s residents about microaggressions.

For those of you, who like many of us are still learning, microaggressions are discriminatory statements, actions, or incidents directed towards a marginalized group. While microaggressions are usually unintentional, they certainly sting. They often are repeated again and again.

In this case, my neighbor’s lawn sign affirmed his husband’s intersectional identity as a Black, gay man. The sign reminded us that his husband is not “the gardener” or a visitor to town, suggesting that we not ask direct any statements towards him that we would not ask a White person on their own front porch.

He proudly posted a photo of this sign on the town’s Facebook page. And the town responded.

I guess I should not have been surprised by the mixed response and ironic microaggressions in the responses. Our Nation is so polarized, and this is a microcosm of that. While no one responded with blatantly racist remarks, the responses ranged from one person who pointed out a typo in the man’s Facebook posting, to some who could not figure out why it was a big deal, to several who basically told the couple that they should pull up their bootstraps and turn the other cheek, or better yet, kill them with kindness.

I got angry, especially at the latter response.

Silence is never the answer. Too many White people have been complicit in such silence and for too long. If we do not speak out, whether through art, demonstrations or directly to those who are perpetrating racism things will not change. And telling victims of racial, ethnic, and homophobic microaggressions to “kill them with kindness” silences victims and keeps us stuck.

I hope that the dialogue created by Floyd’s senseless death, and the deaths of so many others whose crime was simply to be born Black or Brown skin can continue. The starting point is for all of us to continue to do the inner work of looking at our internalized prejudices and joining our voices and actions in the service of change.

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