Noel Lobo wants someone to connect with him, understand him and care for him.
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Loneliness. Anger. Resentment. They’re destroying me inside. Sometimes I think the only way to enjoy life is live it to the fullest. Yet I’ve never enjoyed life because I’ve spent my time searching for something that I have begun to doubt exists for me.
Everywhere I go, to the market, the mall, the beach, even school, I see people wearing their happiest faces. They didn’t win the Lotto or buy their dream car, they found someone who connects with them, understands them, cares for them.
And it kills me.
I ask, “Why are they so lucky? I want what they have.”
And for the rest of the day I feel sad.
I wonder if I condemned myself to this solitude. Sometimes I question God, “When will you stop tormenting me like this? When will you let me live my life to the fullest? When will you allow me to feel that passion, that burning fire that others feel?”
When will I feel love.
Photo: Ashley Harrigan/Flickr
This feeling is not uncommon. It is felt by millions of all ages. There was this guy in his 50s who said the exact same thing. Although he had one brief 7-month g/f back in his 20s, that was it. He told me stories of how he filled his time (smoking pot, watching television, reading, driving around the city on his m/c alone, washing his jeep, listening to music, going to the gym, playing on the computer, going camping now and again with the boys, going to a couple’s place to drink and play with toy cars/helicopters and roll dice).… Read more »
Noel, your article struck a chord with me. What worked for me was to share openly about myself in the rooms of recovery. In particular, for what you described, Al-anon is a great place to start. While you may not have any direct experience with alcoholism, what you describe is incredibly common in recovery, that feeling of not being able to love, often because many people haven’t been shown healthy, authentic love enough. What I’ve come to learn is that love is something that is demonstrated, and some people are better at it than others. Also, the ability to _receive_… Read more »
I recently read about this silly kit called I Married Me. It seemed like an expensive joke. Well, it is. And then I thought about it some more, and there is a hard truth in there. We can’t expect love from someone else until we love ourselves. It’s like that line from Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Try writing down three things about yourself that make you smile (privately, not here). And mean it, no backhanded self putdowns or sarcasm, ok?
“I’ve been put down …I’ve been pushed ’round…. When will I be loved?”
—Linda Ronstadt
I know the feeling, mate. Well done for giving a voice to it.
working in this area myself, recommend checking out Brene Browns stuff, it has at least helped me a lot so far. I don’t know how to really put her stuff into a short line but I guess the front of her book “Daring Greatly” will doo: “how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead”. her ted talk was really good if you want to know what she’s all about. it’s a process that takes time though and constant effort though, don’t really believe there’s any sort of quick fixes here. but it is… Read more »
I lived your pain. I have advice but I’m not going to give it. I”m afraid you would find it too tough to handle. There are a lot of great men on TGMP. Between the good advice they give you and the contradictory info you will get you’ll have to muddle through.
I will say this. The grass is always greener, and be careful what you wish for. So tend to your own grass, and prepare for what you don’t expect. This will all make sense someday.