Something huge happened today, and a lot of people didn’t see it coming.
This was supposed to be about diversity in literature. But….
By now, you’ve probably heard that a 5-4 decision by the United States Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal in all 50 states immediately, and ordered states to recognize marriages previously granted in other states. Any state.
I’m not going to go into legal details. The opinions are online if you care to read them. And there are thousands of more opinions with more on the way.
I’m going to get personal here, because this is personal, for millions of people on both sides of what should be a settled matter. And today, a lot of us found out how people really feel about marriage equality when it ceased to be an abstract and became a reality. And a lot of us were surprised.
Let me say this: If you are against marriage equality, regardless of the reason – political or states’ rights or religious or because you read it in a book or your best friend told you to be or because you hate Obama or love Obama but think the courts need to go or think marriage should be done away with altogether or think it will lead to men marrying houseplants, then you are saying to any and every gay person you have ever met or will meet:
“You do not deserve the same things as a straight person. You should not be allowed to marry who you want. You do not deserve the same legal and financial benefits as a straight person. Neither do your children. I don’t care if you served our country with honor or raised children no one else wanted or did everything on the list of Things That Makes Someone an Outstanding Person. I don’t care that you increased my stock portfolio by 15% last year, funded initiatives to get kids off the streets, or made the TV show I just can’t miss. The fact that you took my dog to the vet last year while I was out of town doesn’t matter. And that you’ve promoted my wife three times when no one else would take a chance on her, because you know how it feels to be overlooked? Thanks, but no. You don’t deserve the things we get. Because of who you want to build your life with.
It has nothing to do with your character, or your money, or where you live, or your faith. It’s not about your kids or your your favorite team or where you were born. Where you go for vacation doesn’t matter, and while I wish your parades were a little quieter, it’s not about that. You don’t deserve the things we get. Because of who you are attracted to.
I’m sure you’re a perfectly nice person. But you don’t deserve the things we get. Because of who you love.”
I’ve heard lots of denials. But it boils down to this.
You would not be saying these things if they were marrying someone of the opposite sex.
If they walked into a courthouse with a woman, you wouldn’t care.
If I were a male co-worker telling you about my impending marriage to a woman, you’d be somewhere between indifferent and happy. You would not be fighting with everything in you, or fighting at all, to keep us from getting married, even though we met the day before at the airport.
You might not like the idea of a sex-offender in prison being able to get married, but I haven’t heard you talking with your friends about how those marriages will destroy the institution of marriage.
You’ve rallied behind troops abroad and returning home and you’ve been disgusted with their treatment by the VA, but you’d willfully deny them the opportunity for better care and more stability for their family, because of who that family is.
You’ve been perfectly happy to let the federal government and the Supreme Court make decisions that your state abides by.
You might not stand on corners with picket signs or shout at rallies, but you make sure to tell people why marriage equality is bad. Maybe you wait until they ask, maybe not.
Maybe you didn’t think about it until this morning, when you looked at the news and realized that the time had come, and now those people could get married.
Five justices said that people who want to marry someone of the same sex are allowed to.
Depending on where you live, it’s far from a settled matter. Here in Alabama today, most of our probate offices (where marriage licenses are issued) are closed while the decision is reviewed and officials decide what to do. Our Chief Justice has essentially told state judges and workers that they don’t have to listen to the Supreme Court. The sitting Governor of Wisconsin is trying to figure out how to keep marriages from happening. There will be other elected and appointed officials who will balk in the days to come.
Because like you, they think that certain people don’t deserve equal treatment or equal protection.
Not because of who they are.
Because of who they are with, or may be with.
They, and you, are saying to friends’ children, teenagers, brothers and sisters, to students, co-workers, neighbors, professionals, people you work with and interact with (because even if you don’t know it, you are coming into contact with gay people every day), “I am against you having what I have for one reason only. The person you want to have it with.”
Photo: Shannon/Flickr
What’s wonderful Ryan ? The ruling or the overall effect. Be careful for what you wish for again I’ve no issues with the ruling but for the why of it. Educate yourself on campaign funding and then come back and critique. If the ends justify the means we are screwed
“You do not deserve the same things as a straight person. You should not be allowed to marry who you want. You do not deserve the same legal and financial benefits as a straight person. Neither do your children. I don’t care if you served our country with honor or raised children no one else wanted or did everything on the list of Things That Makes Someone an Outstanding Person. …” This is not true. Many people opposed to gay marriage have been willing to accept and even support same-sex civil unions that give all the same benefits to a… Read more »
NOW LETS GIVE NON-WHITE PEOPLE IN AMERICA EQUAL RIGHTS
I feel as though, I don’t have to accept gay people getting married. However, I do respect there rights. You cram it down people throats, saying “You have to accept gay marriage, and if you don’t you just a bigot.” And that isn’t fair. We are people with our own opinions too.
This is wonderful. Thank you.
@ryan_a_bell
I’m not opposed to same sex marriage at all. What I am opposed to is the usurpation of Congress by both the president and the supreme court. This in particular is a time of political activism. The laws of the US are ignored by the ones entrusted to keep them. A congress that passes bills just so they can see what’s in them? Are you serious that this is in any shape or form acceptable? What will be the next political whim? What will be the next bill that sweeps social change and no one k ows what’s in it,… Read more »
As a gay ally in Birmingham, Alabama I say a rousing “Thank you” for this beautiful piece of writing. You were able to sum up every single thing I feel on this subjct.