—
There’s a saying in Texas to describe someone who is all talk and no action, it goes: “He’s all hat and no cattle”. I heard the term while listening to talk-show host and financial management guru, Dave Ramsey.
It appropriately describes someone who talks a big game but doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude to back it up.
I’m all about backing up what I say with action. When I say I’m going to do something, i.e. get up early and do yard work, I’m up at 6 a.m. and hittin that yard.
When I say, I’ll be somewhere at a specific time, I’m there 10 minutes early.
I was all in when I said “I do” to my wife, come hell or high water, ups, and downs, in sickness and in health.
Perhaps it’s just my Type A personality or the fact that keeping my word still has meaning to me. I’d like to think that backing up my words with action is important, especially as a dad.
One thing my kids know about their dad is that when I say something is going to happen, they know it’s going to happen.
A few years ago, I told them we were going to China. Realizing I needed additional funds to fulfill my promise, I sold my collection of Star Wars and Marvel action figures, baseball card and comic book collections. As heartbreaking as it was to part with my Amazing Spider-Man Issue #300 and Darth Vader with a removable mask, we were going to walk on the Great Wall of China and we did.
Sure, I could have put everything on a credit card, and kept all my toys and comic books, but I don’t roll that way, à la Dave Ramsey’s advice…but I digress.
As dads, when we promise our kids something, whether it’s giving them candy or taking them to the park or China, they’re expecting us to come through.
Yet, when it comes to discipline, that’s a challenge.
How many times have you told your child you were going to punish her by taking away a toy or TV time, only to falter when you see that little cherub face with tears streaming from her eyes, tugging on those heartstrings?
It’s hard to say “No” to our kids, although, I find it easier to say than my wife, I still find it difficult to do. I want my kids like me. I want them to think I’m cool. I want them to think that I’m the best dad ever (which, I am), but I also want them to know that I will follow through on my word, even when disciplining them.
Let’s be honest, nobody likes discipline. Nobody enjoys taking away toys or fun activities, but I’ve found when I don’t follow through on my “threat” of discipline, my kids do one of two things: doubt the seriousness of what I say or ignore me. Ultimately, they regard me as an “all hat and no cattle” type of dad.
Does anyone else have this type of problem?
I try not to make promises that I’ll later regret and need to back-up with action, so thoughtfully making commitments to my kids is of utmost importance.
If you struggle with being an “all hat and no cattle” type of dad, consider the following:
Your words and actions are being constantly evaluated by those little hearts, good and bad. When you fail to follow through on a commitment, you’re also building up distrust which will lead to disrespect.
Of course, there are times when unforeseen circumstances occur that you legitimately need to back out of a commitment or put something on hold for another time. In those instances, that requires your child’s flexibility and understanding, but for the most part, as a dad, you should be backing up what you tell your kids, whether good or bad (i.e. buying them a toy or taking away a video game or activity).
Lastly, as my wonderful wife tends to remind me, there’s grace. In our household, we tend to follow through on disciplinary measures, but grace also plays a part in dispensing the discipline. We sit, we talk, we cry, we do all the things that we hope communicates that we mean what we say even in meting out discipline.
Zachery Román is an avid Dave Ramsey fan who also believes that if you raise up a child in the way she should go when she’s older, she won’t depart from it…even if that means disciplining her along the way.
—
What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!
RSVP for Intersectionality Calls
—
Join the Conscious Intersectionality FACEBOOK GROUP here. Includes our new call series on Human Rights.
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops, and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo courtesy Unsplash.