Am I His Wife or an Afterthought?

Aisha, a 29-year-old newlywed, had always believed marriage was about partnership and mutual respect. But two years into her union with Omar, her 34-year-old husband, she found herself questioning her place in his life.

The first red flags showed themselves early. On their wedding day, Omar gave his bride, Aisha, a necklace as a symbol of their new life together. But when his mother asked to see the necklace, he willingly handed it over, promising his wife a replacement that never came. This is when Aisha first saw the pattern — a pattern of putting others first. The pattern was glaringly obvious when Aisha found out that 70% of Omar’s work life insurance was in his mother’s name while only 30% was hers.

What pained the most wasn’t the economic slight but the emotional neglect. Aisha relied totally on Omar since she was still studying to build a career. All the efforts she put in to contribute — paying for more than half of her education herself — was rewarded with a scanty monthly allowance from Omar, which consisted of €100. Any money she used up on essentials such as foodstuffs was deducted from that sum. The parody of her being “unproductive” back home lent further insult to this injury.

Aisha worked tirelessly maintaining the household: cooking, cleaning, and overseeing Omar’s requirements. Problem is, nobody seemed to notice the effort she put in. And to top that off, Omar made comparisons between her and his mother in another country, as if measuring her against his mother.

The way he handled gifts was another source of frustration. He hardly ever gave her anything, and his rare gestures ended up being to other people. Once, he gave Aisha a watch she did not particularly like; after a few months, he gifted it to his sister. In the meanwhile, most of her meager pocket money went in thoughtful gift-giving towards him, hoping to bridge the emotional gap. Even such innocent gestures as flowers were deemed by Omar to be “a waste of money.

Aisha’s parents urged her to compromise for the sake of Omar and to keep him happy, insisting on patience and sacrifice as part of marriage. But as she struggled with her studies, financial restrictions, and growing isolation, she could not help but wonder: Was this normal? Was her role as a wife being more overshadowed by her husband’s obligations to others?

Aisha threw herself into her studies, hoping that independence would clarify her muddled thoughts. For the time being, she remains stuck in this circle of self-doubt and desire, not knowing how to speak to the schism that’s widening between her and her husband.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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