Americans Are Divided, Alright — Into Abusers and the Abused

Forget all the anxious hand-wringing about the ‘intense divisiveness’ gripping the US. Forget the rageful, endless red vs. blue BS. Ditch the ‘democracy-lovers vs. Trump and MAGA’ crap.

It’s not that those ideas and political memes aren’t meaningful or useful. They are, in a very limited way. But I’ve realized there is something much deeper and more fundamental going on: the increasing tension/conflict in our society between abusers and the abused (the vast majority). Over the past decade, the malign influence of Donald Trump and rising billionaire oligarchs has supported and vastly magnified the needy, greedy egos of abusers and manipulators everywhere, with disastrous results that are now rapidly emerging.

With my background in psychology and extensive experience working in psychiatric settings, I know abuse when I see it (or its results), and have developed almost a ‘sixth sense’ for it. And I’ve got to say: our current limited understanding of abuse is far too narrow.

The truth is, abuse takes many varied forms and is common throughout our society. It may even be one of our defining features. But again, I’m NOT talking only about racism, sexual abuse, or domestic violence. I’m talking about an overall ‘abusive mindset’ that is part and parcel of our capitalist system and has infected almost every American.

If we look at the horrific political power plays Trump and MAGA are enacting and intensifying, for instance, what we’re seeing is various public forms of pathological bullying and abuse. We see similar dynamics playing out in our crazily divisive, abuse-inviting ‘social media.’ We’re reverting to a ‘dog eat dog’ (anti)social worldview where only the (few) ‘strong’ survive and thrive, while the (many) ‘weak’ are preyed upon and abused.

These are the exact conditions that civil society and modern governments were set up to tame, control, and, if possible, undo. Yet, here we are, backsliding into barbarism, tyranny, and mindless racism and hate. All hail our Abuser-in-Chief! All hail the rapacious Musks, Ellisons, and Zuckerbergs of our ‘brave new (gilded) world.’

Rather… screw these greedy, self-centered, abusive a-holes! Do not give them your admiration or veneration — for they surely don’t deserve it. None of it.

A dreadful parade of abuse and complicity

It’s a hard, painful experience to realize that even our modern, ‘civilized’ world is controlled and mainly defined by such greedy, abusive human beings (primarily men). The abuse they heap on us is staggering, encompassing areas of life as diverse as economics, our social lives, family planning, relationships, politics, and education. In other words, their pervasive abusiveness bubbles up (or even gushes) into almost every aspect of our lives.

But now, I need to clarify something. The abuser class is actually divided into two sub-groups, ‘active’ abusers and ‘passive’ abusers. The ‘active’ abusers are the smaller grouping, and they show up as the power players, bullies, tyrants, and ‘go-getters’ of our world. They are the ones who love to lord it over their fellow humans and are constantly scrambling to ‘defeat’ others and reach the very top of our socioeconomic pile (a literal pile-on). Trump and his billionaire oligarch buddies are the prime example of such ‘active’ abusers.

Then, there is a vast, less visible group of ‘passive’ abusers. These are the ‘nice’, passive, everyday folks who watch and do nothing as abuse, lies, and oppression spread and grow around us. These are the guilty, uninvolved ones who seek merely to protect themselves and avoid standing out. They are the invisible ‘silent majority’ who just want to make some money and get by, along with their friends and families. They don’t care too much about politics, nor do they invest much energy in abstractions like ‘social justice’ or ‘social reform.’

I call them ‘guilty’ because they see or hear all kinds of abuses happening and spreading, yet inwardly ‘duck and cover’ and refuse to take a stand or make waves. Thus, they passively enable the atrocities of the abusers and grant them tacit acceptance. Through their enabling beliefs and behaviors, they become complicit in the multi-faceted abuse that’s happening all around them.

Frequent lying is both deeply destructive and abusive

It may be hard to ‘get’ that intense abuse is literally occurring all around us, constantly — but the evidence shows that IS our current dark reality. In today’s US, there are multiple forms of psychological, physical, social, and economic abuse.

One of the most damaging and insidious is the spread of amorality and frequent, willful lying. Our society is being crushed under the weight of endless lies and gaslighting, and a prime symptom and example of this is the fact that our president, Donald Trump, is a known and unrepentant pathological liar. This is not an exaggeration, since he averaged over 7,500 lies per year — 21+ each and every day — during his first term. And he may exceed even these terrifying stats in his current term.

This is a man who lies as easily — and almost as frequently — as others breathe. What Americans need to wake up to, finally, is that this behavior is heavily and intentionally abusive. Trump is a full-on control freak and is always trying to drag the rest of us into his paranoid, delusional ‘reality.’ It’s his way of exerting total control and manipulating the hell out of us.

Back in 2003, Al Franken published a book titled “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them.” I love that title, primarily because out-and-out, shameless lying has become such a huge part of our politics and our daily lives.

Why is frequent lying abusive? Liars, in addition to practicing deliberate deception, use their lies to manipulate, twist facts, and mislead and hurt people. They create a dense ‘fog’ of confusion that aids their devious plans and prevents clear-eyed, effective responses and actions.

A psychological dissection of lying and ongoing deception

My wise partner, Darlene, has a pithy saying she’s shared with me: “You can’t win against liars.’ This deceptively simple statement contains a wealth of insights and information. Liars are obviously not constrained by facts or the truth, so they are ‘free’ to make up anything they want, no matter how absurd, harmful, or dangerous.

Oddly, liars thus possess a sort of evil ‘freedom’ — something they take full, despicable advantage of. And these liars’ ‘freedom’ gives them an edge, an amoral, ugly advantage over those who hew to the truth and the facts. They are ‘free’ to evade, deflect, distort, deceive, and pull the wool over others’ eyes.

In today’s US, the casual embrace of lying and disinformation has infected our media, especially right-wing ‘news’ sources like Fox ‘News’ and NewsMax. Real, truthful journalism is fast becoming a thing of the past, while hateful incitement, nasty innuendo, and uber-partisan ‘commentary’ take its place. Public lying/gaslighting has now become commonplace in our society — and it’s one of the primary forms of emotional, social, and psychological abuse that is undermining both our society and our individual well-being.

Of course, these ‘lying liars’ have an ulterior motive: they and their media platforms are making a shitload of money off of gaslighting and riling up their listeners or viewers. They work hard to keep their audience outraged, angry, and heavily ‘hooked.’

Thus, we’ve got to finally understand: persistent lying is always abusive. It is abuse and nothing but abuse.

More emotional abuse: “Hey, it’s only a joke!”

Here’s another common, recent form of psychological/emotional abuse. Many right-wing politicians and pundits are fond of making snide remarks that promote racist, White supremacist, or anti-liberal views (like calling liberals ‘libtards’ or labeling Black professionals ‘DEI hires’).

Then, if they are confronted about their nasty, abusive comments, they dodge, deflect, act hurt, and insist they were ‘only joking.’ They say they ‘didn’t mean anything bad’ (more lying), and twist things to make it seem like WE are just oversensitive. They throw it back at us and snicker, “Can’t you take a joke?”

But such abusive ‘jokes’ are no laughing matter. Using the vehicle of ‘jokes’ and demeaning comments (insults), these abusers, over time, can normalize their verbal abuse and the hateful beliefs it both contains and conceals. After all, it’s ‘only a joke.’

However, in reality — you know, the actual reality that the liars and abusers are constantly twisting and manipulating — their abusive ‘jokes’ end up supporting intense hate and racism. They can even inspire ugly, hurtful events like overt discrimination, racist heckling, and beatings — even lynchings.

Scarily, when our so-called ‘leaders’ engage in such abusive behavior, it models flagrant abuse for us and subtly ‘authorizes’ it. After all, if Trump, his V.P., and his Cabinet can do it and revel in dishing out abuse, then it must be perfectly OK. In fact, we should all aspire to be just as abusive and mean-spirited as they are!

Economic abuse: late-stage capitalism and the decline of labor unions

Here’s one last example: the decline of labor unions over the past 50 years. Just like civil society, unions were created to limit the abuses of those in power. Labor unions empower workers and give them a voice, group negotiating abilities, and better options overall. Yet unions’ power and popularity have been waning, and are way down from their peak in the 1950s -70s.

So, why this stark decline? It was orchestrated by an unholy alliance of abusers: capitalist bosses, the GOP, and greedy rich folks. They came up with the laughable (cry-able?) “trickle-down” economic theory, which postulates that we need to support the rich and all their greedy schemes, and then… wondrous benefits and wealth will ‘trickle down’ to the rest of us (peons)! This ludicrous and abusive concept has been strongly supported by the GOP, starting with President Reagan. Though it has waxed and waned, it constantly reappears and rears its ugly, abusive head again.

But ‘trickle-down’ economics is not just a theory. It is an abusive plan of action, and the plan involves undermining unions and workers’ power, while boosting the fortunes of CEOs and bosses. It is simply a way of solidifying their abuses of power, easing the way for ‘privileged’ abusers, and supporting the wealthy in getting even wealthier — at the expense (literally) of everyone else.

Rising, outrageous wealth disparities

Here’s a little personal story. Back in the 1980s, I was outraged to learn that the CEO of a large regional bank (now defunct) that I banked with earned 85 times more than the average employee. I was so upset that I withdrew my money and refused to have anything to do with that bank ever again.

Now, guess where the CEO vs. employee pay ratio stands today. You think 85 to 1 was bad? By 2024, it had skyrocketed to 281 to 1! And recently, it was announced that the world will soon see its first trillionaire, while the ranks of the centi-billionaires and wealthy oligarchs are growing fast.

I’m sorry, but this level of inequality and economic abuse is insane. It’s unconscionable and deeply wrong. Yet, this bonkers and abusive ‘reality’ is exactly what our current society and ‘civilization’ reveres — and is still busily supporting and creating. Apparently, we love and cherish our abusers.

In truth, this means that our entire economic system — based on unrestrained ‘end-stage’ capitalism — is both wrong-headed and abusive. It is deeply anti-democratic and unjust, so it’s no wonder that our supposed ‘democracy’ is floundering and falling apart at the seams!

It’s hard to have and maintain an effective democracy when economic and financial abuse are rampant, economic hardship is spreading, and the abusers always have the upper hand. Here’s what really ‘trickles down’ into our society: our abusers’ greedy, uncaring ways; absurd levels of wealth hoarding; and abusive beliefs and behaviors.

Dammit, ‘Abusers ‘R’ Us’!

Sadly, open and very public abuse is now the norm in our society. Once again, we’re busily creating (really, reverting to) that horrid ‘dog eat dog’ world that modern society was supposed to tame or prevent.

The examples I’ve explored are, in truth, just the tip of a vast and very ugly iceberg. The varied types and levels of cruelty and abuse mushrooming throughout our society are both astounding and horrifying. And the fact that most of this abuse is considered ‘normal’ and unavoidable is even more horrifying.

Thus, if we want to measure the dismal failure of modern civilization, particularly in the US, there is no better yardstick than the growing prevalence of economic, social, psychological, and physical abuse.

We could even say, generally speaking, that ‘Abusers ‘R’ Us.’ Shudder.

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This post was previously published on Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs.

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