After a recent break up, I posted an article about the rise and fall of a blissful relationship. One that shined too bright and ended too soon. We remained friends and a few months later I got my second chance. A second chance to experience the incredible high of being back in her orbit. And the incredible low of tumbling back out.
Between those emotional bookends, a new volume of happiness was scribed. A chance to reconsider a life together. An expectation that this time things could be different. This time the relationship would last. And while in that bubble of bliss, she asked me if I might write a follow up to my original breakup story. Something to tie things off with a happy ending. It sounded like a wonderful idea.
But I never had a chance.
As I was considering the bullet points of my good fortune a shadow of doubt was forming back over her heart and a familiar ache was spreading back over mine. That painful, soul crushing sickness that gnaws at your will. The constant distraction of a chaotic mind trying to overwrite a dreamy future with messy reality. The settling in of a deep sense of loss.
But I regret none of it.
Every extra moment with her was a gift. She was a joy I’m grateful to have shared. A testament to how passionately I can feel. An exploration of the treasures a partnership can offer. A beacon to the love I desire.
But she was not my happy ending.
I’ve always been a sucker for sap. A hopeless romantic at heart. I not only get choked up by ridiculous rom-coms but I suffer through the emotional ride with raw empathy. My OCD brain longs for a sweet resolution. The satisfaction that the universe can deliver on a happily ever after.
But it doesn’t work that way.
Even in the movies the happy ending is just one last scene before the credits roll. We never hear about what happens next, in the months and years that follow. Maybe the couple’s initial passion cools in the light of the day. Maybe his parents don’t approve of the union. Maybe her ex shows up with declarations of love. Maybe his persistent snoring drives her insane. Maybe she didn’t want a committed relationship in the first place. Whatever the reason, courtship without hardship doesn’t exist. Incredible circumstances may have brought them together but a myriad of mundane reasons can drive them apart. Relationships are hard. Life is hard. It’s amazing any couples endure.
But we know some do.
Everyone knows the stories of the high school sweethearts who have built their slice of a wonderful life. Tales of everlasting love. But are these stories of endless romance or just quiet contentment? An old married couple may love each other until death do they part yet fill those days with constant bickering.
The initial passion of pursuit is unstainable. Love changes with time. Relationships transform. We don’t see that in the Norman Rockwell painting with generations gathered around the holiday table. We certainly don’t see that in the gauze filtered images you find on social media. Those are all just snapshots. Well-staged moments in time.
And maybe that’s all a happy ending really is. Just a moment in time. A quick sip of euphoria to be savored. A happy pause in our roller coaster ride through life. We can try to recapture it daily, look for it everywhere, but it can only be captured in our memories. It is not a permanent state of being.
The only true “ending” in our lives won’t be all that “happy.” Before that grand finale the best we can do is fill our days with cherished moments. Find delicious details everywhere. Make sure those snapshots of joy get scattered throughout our lives. Be grateful for every one we’re offered.
She may not be my happy ending, but it’s not the ending that matters. She is a beautiful chapter in a saga that happily continues. The conclusion does not diminish the experiences that grew along the way. The memories we shared are priceless and each precious one will stay with me until my final credits roll.
And that’s the best I’m “ever gonna get it.”
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” ― Eckhart Tolle
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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