Are Guys Seriously Paying for Their Date’s Uber Just So They Show Up?

When it comes to dating, inference is often more important than what’s explicitly stated.

It could be the difference between an anxiety-induced existence and a life of clarity.

To paint a clearer picture of what I mean, let me share a story.

Back way yonder, when I was single and still dating a lot, I remember matching a lovely young lady on Tinder.

After a brief back-and-forth lasting no more than two days, we met up for lunch at a spot halfway between us — because that’s how I preferred setting up my dates back then. If we matched on a dating app, we had to meet ASAP. None of this endless chit-chatting, and our first date had to be low-key, ideally within an equal distance from each other.

But I digress.

So the first date went okay.

It wasn’t the best I had ever been on, but it was far from bad. The main issue was the conversation. It lacked depth on her end. Needless to say, I still liked her and chalked it up to first-date nerves.

Besides the conversation, the only other thing that irked me slightly was that she was more religious than I would have preferred. Just not enough to stop me from asking for a second date, which she agreed to.

It came and went without much fanfare. Again, nothing about it stood out. Just like last time, it was the same old “meh, it’s alright but not great.” Despite feeling this way, I asked her out a third time, and that’s when I started to get a clearer picture of what exactly was going on.

She would agree to meet up, but as the date drew close, she would cancel.

The first time this happened, her excuse was that she had to run errands for her mom.

The second, well, there wasn’t a second.

Not to say I didn’t ask her out for the second time. It’s just that when I did, she responded that if I wanted to see her again, I would need to start paying for her Uber to our dates, because that’s what gentlemen do.

Unfortunately for her, I never said I was a gentleman, nor did I have any desire to be one. She had me all twisted. There is no way in hell I was going to jump through hoops to appease a date.

In case you are wondering, no, that is not how I responded when she told me I needed to be more of a gentleman. I just left her on read.

Yes, I know that was petty of me, but I just couldn’t be bothered. Suffice it to say, that was the last I heard from her.

So when I came across this Reddit post below, I was immediately reminded of her.

I was talking to a woman (27F) for a few weeks, had been on 2 dates in Manhattan, and FaceTimed a few times. I invited her to Williamsburg (my hood) for a brunch date, she said yes, then asked how she’d get there and if I would send a car for her. I assumed this was a joke since she lives in Greenwich Village, so like 15–20 minutes away, so I laughed and said I had full faith in her to make it to Brooklyn. She quickly called off the date and broke things off.

Is this a common expectation of NYC dating? I could understand calling an Uber for my date at the end of the night, if it’s late, there are no good subways, etc. But for a daytime date, when there’s an extremely easy subway, it makes no sense to me. — InternationalBee9696

She is not that into you, my dude

Unlike the Reddit guy above, who goes by InternationalBee9696, I used subtext to infer she wasn’t interested. I figured if she were, then paying her own way wouldn’t have been an issue. I didn’t take the request as a joke or assume this was the common expectation of women, because it is not — up until that point, I had never been asked to pay for transportation. So paying was not my reality.

It’s not even about being considerate; it’s the fact that she demanded it. In doing so, she showed me not only a lack of genuine interest but a sense of entitlement. If I’m okay with finding my way to meet someone I like, why would she not feel the same? Am I not worthy of her time and investment?

And I believe this is what InternationalBee9696 and guys like him don’t get. Women, or better yet, people, are rarely explicit about interest. And even when they are, they are usually not explicit about it.

Just because someone agrees to go on a date doesn’t mean much.

How they act during and after the date is a more genuine reflection of their true desires.

To answer InternationalBee9696’s question, no, it’s not normal for women to ask you to sponsor their ride, especially if they like you.