As a mature woman in her sixties, I greatly enjoy online dating. It is a great way to meet interesting people. I always have loved research. Online dating is a major research project.
First you need a great profile with current photos. It matters what you say because you want to attract the right candidates. You also want to find the right potential dates. That takes time.
I have learned how to suss out the fake profiles and the guys that I won’t like — too many photos of them holding a fish or too politically conservative or they want a woman to work out with who can then put on heels for a fancy dinner.
I look for the ones who mention something about communication or that they have worked on themselves or they are into self-awareness or self- growth.
In the 34 months since I ended my 23-year relationship, I have met alot of good men. I have rarely met assholes because early on I figured out how to avoid them. I have looked at a few thousand online profiles and probably communicated with over 200 men. I have met in person a good 50 men.
I have enjoyed a 7-month and a 1.5 year relationship. Although I didn’t feel either relationship had enough to last long term, I am grateful for these connections and lessons learned, helping me get closer to what I really need and want in a long-term relationship.
I am on my third major round of online dating. I find that I am meeting higher quality people. They tend to be sapiosexuals, curious, open, and have led fascinating lives. They care about Mother Earth and giving back and tend to be devoted dads to their grown kids.
Surprisingly, online dating has pretty much restored my faith in men. Here’s why:
- They have less testosterone so they are less aggressive, and thus a bit softer and gentler.
- With less testosterone, they are a bit or a lot less controlled by their drive for success and sex.
- They have seen the negative impacts of their gender role conditioning on the people they love and learned that these behaviors are destructive; from anger, emotional withholding, disengagement, gaslighting, sense of entitlement, and their ego drive to compete and succeed no matter what, etc.
- Life has given them a few swift kicks and humbled them, so they have faced some of the ugly parts of themselves and improved.
- They have learned from past relationships about the importance of communication and developed skills in listening and being considerate.
- They realize the value of having a partner and don’t take her for granted.
- Their utter love and adoration for their kids and grandkids has made them better, more kind-hearted people.
- They still might be dominating in their energy, talking too much, jumping to conclusions, making every conversation about themselves, but they can turn it off if gently reminded.
- They have seen how much crap women put up with from men, including themselves.
- They have been humbled when they have ‘loved and lost’ either through an unwanted break up or death of their partner.
So if you are a wary older woman, I get it. But all I can say is, based on my experience, try it! You just might like it! Older men, who just want to love and be loved with nothing else to prove, are very sweet and so much gentler.
I am feeling hopeful that a love match with my last great love is approaching.
I hope it does for you too. Give it a try. Risk a little. Shed some of that past gunk you don’t need to hold on to anymore. Let me know how it goes.
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Previously Published on Medium
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