Are You a ‘Perfectionist’? Why This Trait Could Be Limiting Your Potential

I have always had this word following me — PERFECTIONISM.

I have always been a perfectionist who would proofread even another person’s work, obsessed with details, and couldn’t get any rest until everything seemed “absolutely right”.

Even though that probably sounded more like my strong suit, such an approach has always left me empty and disappointed.

Often, perfectionism is regarded as a virtue — the name of hard work and precision. But, does it all live up to the hype?

Let’s begin by defining Perfectionism.

Perfectionism is much more than just the quest for perfection. This is a more profound psychological pattern that anything short of perfect is not only a failure but also a sign of inferiority.

It’s worth noting that the feature could help in some measures, however in excess it turns out to be disadvantageous.

However, not all forms of perfectionism are negative.

Highlighted by NACADA is adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism.

Maladaptive perfectionism can be self-defeating whereas adaptive perfectionism may motivate us to achieve great things.

The Downside of Perfectionism

The search for perfection has been on the way and I have realized that it was mostly a disguise for hidden insecurities.

It is never-ending, aiming at filling the “feeling bad because I am not good enough” void.

Psychology Today further says that perfectionism is a cover-up of an inferiority complex and harsh self-critique narrative.

Moreover, this never-ending pursuit of the impossible has mental health repercussions that go far beyond emotional strain. There are studies relating perfectionism to depressive and anxious symptoms. It’s hard mentally to live with you every day, feeling as if you will never meet your expectations.

Personally, this constant pursuit of these impossible standards usually made me feel as if I had been running an endless race.

No achievement was ever satisfying enough. It was a cycle of setting high goals, overworking, and then feeling empty when the goals were achieved — or worse, falling short.

In Everyday Life

In academia and the workplace, perfectionism can be cut both ways. How it leads to high achievement but at the same time results in burnout and extreme stress are discussed by NACADA.

There’s a paradox in perfectionism: in many cases, by trying to be perfect we achieve less.

Making a mistake can become very frightening, and lead to the suppression of creativity and risk-taking that are very important for development and progress.

As a perfectionist, I always had strained relationships and missed opportunities in my life.

My friends thought that I was overly critical, and in the workplace, I had trouble delegating tasks or trusting other people’s work because I always feared they would not be up to my standards.

Combating

My journey towards overcoming perfectionism involved recognizing and deconstructing cognitive distortions, most notably all-or-nothing thinking.

I found out that life is not black-and-white; it’s colored with different gray shades.

I tried to replace self-talk such as, “I must be perfect” with healthier versions like “I intend to do my best.”

This new version looks more healthier and less regretful.

So, The first step in Combating perfectionism is Moving to a Healthier version of “SELF-TALK”.

Remember One thing: The pursuit of perfectionism is not an individual pursuit. It’s Between “You and Yourself” therefore, you should be kind to yourself while on the journey.

Rather than engage in self-talk that perpetuates the need for perfection, adopt a more constructive approach to self-talk. This might be just recognizing your progress and achievement and not your shortcomings.

Another main thing is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

My perfectionism was significantly addressed using CBT. It is just like having a mental health coach who identifies negative thought patterns and replaces them with positive and constructive ones.

CBT is not only about transforming thoughts, but it’s about transforming lives.

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I adopted simple, yet powerful strategies: realistic goal setting, “being good enough”, and mindfulness.

I began by admitting that I was a perfectionist myself and consciously tried to thwart its wishes. Initially, I set achievable targets and kept reminding myself that it’s okay to never have to be flawless.

It was important to learn to be kind to myself.

Like Celebrating small victories, which turned into a new habit.

It is about seeking happiness in what you do instead of what you will have accomplished.

The greatest progress happened once I started accepting and loving myself as well as my flaws. To confess that it is normal to commit mistakes because they can sometimes bring about lessons.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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