I’m about to come across like an old fart right about now. But I do so with love.
Remember when MTV played these weird things called music videos? It was a short film based around a band’s latest single. Granted, music videos are still popular on YouTube, but it’s not the same.
Dang it! It’s not the same! #getoffmylawn
One of the most iconic clips of the 1980s was Addicted to Love by the late English singer Robert Palmer. Oh, gentlemen of a certain age…I know all y’all remember this video.
He’s dressed simply but he’s looking sharp in a crisp white dress shirt, a black necktie, and dark slacks. Behind him is a chorus of models serving as his “band.” They’re all dressed in tight black dresses, impossibly high heels, and all are wearing bold, bright, red lipstick. They’re all mindlessly dancing while pantomiming their instruments.
While it’s obvious they aren’t really playing – pay close attention to the lady sitting behind the drum kit – they looked damn good doing so.
“You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love.”
C’mon, you’re all humming the chorus in your head right now. Don’t lie to Coach Ryan…
I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 the other day and I only have a three-word review. “I am Groot.”
But as I’m headed home, I put my Apple Music on shuffle. All You Need Is Love came up. And I haven’t heard that song in a long time.
“Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be. It’s easy.”
Okay, why did I just reference two songs that came out 29 years apart? That just happen to have the word “love” in the title?
Consider that all my work as a coach, all my work with a coach, and all my transformational work that I have taken on in the last three years has been leading to one thing. All the talk about power, forgiveness, authenticity, and the like has been leading to one thing.
See, these things actually do Come Together?
Perhaps I’ve got monkey finger? Have you considered that?
As I’m listening to the Beatles’ song, it hit me; one of the most existential questions of my entire transformation. And, to be honest, perhaps one of the most existential questions of my entire life.
Am I allergic to love?
I’m quite proud of my life right now. I’ve dropped more than 60 pounds in not quite a year. I’m neck deep in a new book. I’ve developed relationships with people I couldn’t imagine just a couple years ago. And I own a passport for the first time. AND I’m going to use it soon!
What is my life?
I gotta say, there’s one aspect of my life I don’t know if I’ve truly let in yet. I’ve had offers and I’ve made investments, but I haven’t unconditionally let this into my life yet.
What’s it going to take to let love into my life? What’s it going to take to accept the love that people have for me at its core? Without question and without condition.
What’s it going to take for me to unconditionally love myself?
Let me let you in on a secret. And yes, I’m about to talk about my dog again.
When I first adopted Pete, I must’ve googled the phrase “does my dog really love me” twenty times. I had no concept that a creature could love me unconditionally and only ask for love in return.
I sure as hell wasn’t getting love from the man in the mirror.
“You know, I’m gonna have to face it, I’m allergic to love.”
Where are the dancing girls? The fancy production values?
Even now, with some amazing people who love me, there are times when I don’t believe I truly deserve it. I don’t believe I truly deserve the love. And I am pushing away the love that people have for me.
What more can I say? Love scares me. Love concerns me. Love confuses me. Love confounds me.
But am I really allergic to love?
I gotta say, in a twisted way this love allergy seems to be serving something. Maybe not a healthy something, but it serves something nonetheless.
This allergy keeps me safe from enjoying and appreciating my great life. It keeps me from celebrating me.
Because when I celebrate me, I get to live a life of possibility. And possibility isn’t reality…yet. It’s not a sure thing and the unsure thing scares me. (Sez the guy who just moved from Alabama to New York for pure possibility.)
When I start to feel the love that people have for me, I question it. I don’t take it at a surface level. I can’t help but think there’s an ulterior motive behind it. Like it’s the setup for a punchline.
How could ANYBODY love me?
Can I really believe this? Can I really believe people actually love me?
Maybe people love me, but not until I provide them with something. With laughter, thought, or if I give love first.
Why am I so scared of love? Why am I so scared of the people in my life who love me?
It’s a process. But it’s a process I’m eager to undertake because it fulfills an essential, basic human need.
Humans need love.
As always, I’d love to work with you (see what I did there?) Perhaps I can support you in creating and embracing some love in your lives. [email protected] is my email. Hit me up and we’ll connect.
While I don’t believe a love addiction is what everybody needs. I do believe that love is all we need. Love has solved more problems and has led to more breakthroughs than doubt ever has and ever will.
As Marianne Williamson once wrote: “Love is the only thing that’s real. Everything else is an illusion.”
Don’t fear love. Embrace it. And it’ll come to you.