“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” – Sophocles
I’m about to out myself on something that embarrasses the hell out of me. And I hope that sharing what I’m about to share can help me release some of the shame I have around it. And I hope it teaches a valuable lesson not just for me, but for all.
We’re coming up on my two year anniversary of my graduation from Accomplishment Coaching. And while I could share about so many things – from the amazing humans I met on my team (many of whom are still some of my best friends), to the beautiful lessons I learned that year, I wanted to share about one particular thing.
Month 12 of the 12 month program, I couldn’t pay the final tuition. I didn’t have the money, nor did I have the money to get to New York for graduation weekend.
So, I got to work. I made some scary and intimidating phone calls, and I raised the money needed to not only get to New York for graduation weekend, but I got flat with my obligations.
There is one aspect of my life where I remain unhealthy. Dare I say, one aspect of my life where I’m dying.
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Let’s flash forward to November of 2018. Every time my phone rang, I shuddered when I saw my landlord’s name show up on my caller ID. The worst part about that is this – my landlord lives right underneath me.
I couldn’t exactly duck him.
I fell behind on rent. November and December rent was unpaid and I had no idea how I’d get it paid.
The E word was threatened – eviction. I consulted with a real estate attorney (a man who is also a friend.) And I got to work.
The Thursday before Christmas, my landlords knocked on my door and handed me a document. All I’m going to say was this document started the eviction process. I had until December 26 to settle up with them over the past rent or else they would begin the eviction process.
I didn’t sleep. I barely ate. I went to work, but I was going through the motions. I wasn’t working out. I wasn’t living, I was barely existing.
I knew there were some calls I needed to make. And I had one call circled on my to-do list for more than a week, but I was terrified to make it. One call I so desperately wanted to avoid. One call I was terrified to fail.
I got on the phone with a friend of mine. And he pretty much laid it down for me. “I don’t care how late it is, make the call. You’re not going to wait until morning to call 911 when your leg has been chopped off. This is the same situation.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the general mise en scene of what went down on that call.
Being too proud to ask for help will kill you. It will kill you just to watch you die.
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My poor friend – who was one of those people I met in Accomplishment Coaching – took so much abuse from me that night. Long story short, during that call, I forgot who I was. Simply put, I forgot who I was. I don’t know if I was fully conscious as I said this thing I’m about to share on a global platform.
{Side note: Am I really about to out myself on this level? Jeez? What the hell is wrong with me?}
During the call, I said some variation of this thing I’m about to share.
“I might as well take (my dog) Pete to a shelter then drive off a fucking bridge.”
Needless to say, that statement brought this call with my friend to a screeching halt.
Let’s backtrack a little bit. My mental health during the entire month of December was shaky at best, dangerous to myself at worst. The Holidays have always been a heavy time for me, but this past year hit me harder than ever before.
Let me be clear: at no time did I ever believe I was truly suicidal. But the thoughts were there.
Back to the fateful call with my friend. At almost 9 o’clock, I got off the phone with my friend and made the call. This was a call to a friend of mine in Alabama I was about to hit up for the money to get flat with my commitments.
This man is like family. He once told me that the reason why he’s successful in his line of work is because my granddaddy “taught me everything I know.” My grandfather was a true mentor to this man.
While the call didn’t yield the results I had hoped for, they did get me flat with my obligation to my landlord…for now.
After I got off the phone with him, I called my friend back and I tearfully told him what happened. After a truly beautiful acknowledgement, my friend gave me another phone number that he insisted I call.
It was the national number to the suicide hotline…
I share all this for three main reasons. The reasons, I’ll share over the rest of this article.
First: let’s not get this twisted, I’m a healthy man. My body is as healthy as it’s ever been. I’m now down over 50 pounds on the scale. And my blood pressure is normal, and I haven’t been on blood pressure medication for a couple years. I’m healthier of mind more than ever before. And my emotional life is healthy as well.
Mind, body, and emotions – I made a declaration and a commitment to transform those aspects of my life. And I’ve done so with great aplomb.
But there’s one aspect of my life where I remain unhealthy. Dare I say, one aspect of my life where I’m dying.
2019 will be the year I get healthy financially.
I learned a pretty scary lesson that if you’re not taking expert care of your entire well-being – mind, body, and spirit – your mental health will take a severe hit.
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I’ve already taken steps to educate myself on budgeting, saving, and investing. I’ve got two friends who are financial advisors who would take my phone call and would do anything for me. And I’ve got prospects for income that I haven’t had before.
I’m almost 42 years old, and I have the financial literacy of a 12 year old.
Second: I learned a pretty scary lesson that if you’re not taking expert care of your entire well-being – mind, body, and spirit – your mental health will take a severe hit. I was so busy with work and with trying to avoid that call from my landlord, that I let my well-being spiral out of control. I was exhausted, burned out, and crying for help that I thought would never come.
Finally: I’m a powerful man. In the past two weeks, I’ve appeared on TV, and delivered a powerful coaching workshop. And I’ve got many, many more things planned this year.
But even I – a powerful king – was terrified to ask for help.
Being too proud to ask for help will kill you. It will kill you just to watch you die. If I’d pushed my wellbeing any further than I did, only God knows what would’ve happened.
I get it. Oh, do I get it. This isn’t a good look for me, a life coach.
The masks are coming off. I’m tired of putting on a mask simply to look good!
Would you rather look good, or would you rather get shit done?
I know what I’m choosing! How ‘bout y’all?
Plugville:
- Are you a man who wants to share his story? A story of overcoming adversity, discrimination, or resilience? Can you get to New York City for an event? If so, I’ve got some really exciting news for you. #watchthisspace. Or follow me on twitter at twitter.com/ryanhallwrites.
- As I mentioned earlier, I appeared on TV again. My appearance with Vin Dacquino is available right here. We spoke a lot about coaching, my first book, my book in process, and what inspires us. It was a beautiful conversation and I’m blessed to share it with y’all.
- I have two new group coaching programs I’m launching in February. One for people wanting to write a book. And the other for men who simply want to claim their crowns and be kings. More info coming soon on both at royalheartscoaching.com. Or if you want to connect with me about making one of those work for you, shoot me an email at [email protected].
The moral of today’s piece is this – never – and I do mean never – be afraid to press F1 and ask for help! Your very existence and your quality of life may very well depend on it.
Photos by Milan Popovic on Unsplash