Are You the “Convenient Invisible Partner”?

It’s not malicious.

It’s a response to the uncertainty of the world when it becomes so utterly “subjective”. So many standards, so many experiences, so many interpretations of a healthy and non-dangerous relationship.

That all means nothing in this moment, because you feel… hurt.

You feel continuously used, not in money, not in body, but in time and spirit.

The seconds that were spent on the late-night conversations could have been better spent elsewhere if you had known that it would lead to this realization.

You are the “Convenient Invisible Partner”.

The one who is taken off the shelf the moment you are necessary to fill the void in this topsy-turvy, radically connected, and yet still so lonely world. And then, when your job is finished, when you have fulfilled the other’s urges and needs for validation, you return to the coldness of the dark.

You can’t remember exactly when, but you noticed a shift in yourself that let you know the status quo was no longer acceptable.

Your mind compiled a drawer of all the events, the decisions that were small cuts on your blood-pumping organ.

The flirtations in one day, then the conversations about current situationships another.

The hangout sessions that carry in between you that twinge of tension, strong enough for a foundation to be built.

Falling into the roles of lovers in spirit and in time, but still maintaining that inability to taste the words to concretely define it.

This isn’t about being friend-zoned. You know that if the moment arose, if the feelings were mutual, and either of you needed to spend the night in each other’s company, a spark could turn into a fire. But that would be a line crossed. You would be right back in this position.

Your mind leads you to believe that you are the place filler, the one who can conveniently sit in place until the real royal of hearts appears. Until they sweep the individual in question off their feet.

This isn’t malicious. Perhaps they are not aware. Perhaps they take your silence on the matter as agreement. Perhaps they assume you are doing the same thing, that your time when not in their company is spent searching for another that will possibly complicate this dynamic.

Maybe the reason they believe all of these things is because they have options, so they don’t get to feel the sting of such slow, painful acts that you do.

The Convenient Invisible Partner can carry multiple names and situations. If you are in any capacity a container for emotional intimacy, then you are the person I look at when I paint this canvas before you.

You are treated like a commodity, an object, a piece that serves a purpose. Never becoming a person or a being worthy of mutual companionship, love, and visibility.

You ask yourself the questions aloud:

“Do they love me, or do they love feeling loved?”

“If I disappear, would they come and find me? Would my absence matter to them, or would they just find someone else to fill the void?”

“For selfish reasons, am I willing to abandon this ritual?”

The last of these is the most profound. It details a potential solution and path forward. But, only if you, the Convenient Invisible Partner, are strong enough for it.

You know the cold nights. You know the darkness that permeates this world, maybe even your life. Yes, you may hate this dynamic, but the other side doesn’t seem all that much better.

Emotional commodification or loneliness of truth in solitude?

The ritual of intimacy, without the heart of it, or isolation in a dreadful world with no guarantee that the void will be filled?

It isn’t malicious. But does that really matter at the end of the day?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.