Asking Your Partner for Permission in a Relationship — Hell Yeah or Hard Pass?

Imagine you are in a loving relationship with your live-in partner, and then on one Friday night, after coming home from work, they dart straight for the shower, leaving you in a state of curiosity.

Normally, they would say, “Hi, how was your day?” and perhaps engage in banter or grab a snack, but for them to come in with such frenzy… that’s unusual.

Even more puzzling, soon after the shower, they head for the bedroom and start packing frantically, prompting you to ask, “What the hell is going on?”

“Oh, my bad,” they mumble, a retort half out of breath, “I’m running late. I have a flight to catch; I’m going for a weekend getaway with friends.”

How would you feel?

My question to you, dear fellow reader, is how would you feel if your partner behaved this way?

Would you be okay with it? Would you think to yourself, no biggie, they are their own person, they can do what they want, or would they have hell to pay for not asking for your permission?

Because there are people out there who actually believe asking permission in a relationship is the worst thing imaginable. Like TikToker biggestdawg85, who recently went viral for saying it’s not normal when your partner gets to decide what you can and cannot do.

As one would expect, the comment section has been falling into two distinct camps.

On one side, you have those who say you should always ask for permission; it shows respect and consideration.

While on the other hand, you have those saying asking permission disregards autonomy, and it infantilizes the relationship.

As for me, I fall in the middle.

I don’t like the idea of asking anyone for permission.

I already have to ask permission at work, government, or educational institutions, with my tenant, and then I am expected to do the same in my personal relationships? Nah, that’s not happening.

However…

It doesn’t mean I get to do what I want.

I still need to inform (not ask) them within a reasonable time frame, especially if I’m planning on something that will directly affect them.

For example, instead of springing a boy’s trip out of the blue, I would tell her about it well in advance by saying something like:

“Hey, dear, the boys and I are planning a getaway sometime in the next two weeks; do you have any plans for us on those days?”

By framing it like this, I don’t necessarily ask her for permission, but I open a line of communication. She can then give her input, and if she is not happy with the setup, we can discuss a new course of action that works for both of us.

That is what works for me.

If I had to ask for permission each time, I would feel stifled. And if I did whatever I wanted, I would feel like I was not considering my partner’s feelings.

What do you think?

Do you agree with me, or is biggestdawg85 in the right on this one?