Attaining the Mature Masculine in the Modern World

The Hero’s Journey, as I have written previously, is considered the final transition from boyhood to manhood. Many of us can point to an experience from our youth that marked the end of childhood, or perhaps a series of experiences, not all of which were necessarily positive. But what comes next? How do young men in modern societies make the critical transition to the mature masculine?

Let me point out that I am not a Jungian analyst. However, I have found that the male and female archetypes offer convenient structures from which to examine the current state of masculinity.

It is said that we are in the midst of a “crisis in mature masculinity,” and that men in Western countries lack any clear ritual process for marking this all important transition. If we assume that modern men are hard-wired as men, at least in the biological sense, then what is lacking? What is missing from the magic soup whereby society begins to expect that we act like mature men, and men in turn possess the experiential qualities and transitional mindsets to engage society according to what is expected of them as mature men?

The question of gender is another very important element to consider. We may be hard-wired as men, as the Jungians believe, but we must also acknowledge possible “hard-wiring” or perhaps youthful experiences that make us gay, asexual or in some sense queer. I believe it is fairly clear that acceptance by the broad society becomes even more problematic when a young man presents as gay or queer, however strongly we may believe that these distinctions should not matter.

But whether or not you accept Jungian archetypes, the transition to mature manhood appears essential to a man’s success once he moves beyond boyhood. Ideally, the boy-to-man transition builds on the boy’s achievements in character, responsibility and self-image. And while this warrants a separate discussion, let me summarize what many have already shown: that boys and boyhood are in serious trouble on any number of fronts.

What we find in men’s groups is that most men continue to struggle with boyhood trauma for many years, or even for some, for the rest of their lives.

Applying a Freudian interpretation, we find that children struggle to engage the Id, the more primitive aspects of our drives and pretensions, while learning little by little what is required to move beyond the Id and gradually become more Ego driven. Presumably, boys who most successfully negotiate childhood challenges will face the transition to manhood better prepared to leave childish ways behind. But since we have already stated that most boys are not doing well, we could have ended this discussion right here.

It may well be that the most serious problem preventing more men from attaining mature masculinity is their failure as boys to master the Id of the immature masculine. They may grow physically into men, but still be struggling to attain Ego driven sensibilities. This is the infamous “man-child” frequently described by feminists.

Complicating matters even further is the child’s powerful ties to Mother, not his actual mother, but the generic concept of Mother, the primary focus of the immature masculine. So while a boy likely benefits from the passionate, affectionate and curious aspects of boyhood, his failure to master the Id and overcome attachment to Mother may seriously compromise relationships with women and other men well into his adult years.

What does this look like in adult men? Confused and overly demanding relations with women, hyper-sexualization of the feminine, addiction to pornography, and intimate partner violence, among other issues that flow from the Id and damage intimate relationships. I believe a similar dynamic applies for men who are gay, bisexual or queer. The basic skills required to negotiate an intimate relationship are simply missing as these are controlled by the weakened Ego.

Platonic relationships with other men are also compromised for several reasons. The persistent attachment to Mother prevents men from bonding within the fraternity of men. Instead they look toward Mother and the idealized feminine to satisfy their social and emotional needs, and lacking actual women who accept these roles they turn instead to social media, hook-up apps and porn.

A Boy’s Hero’s Journey and the King Archetype

We must acknowledge that awareness of our own journeys beyond childhood may be vague and uncertain. For many men, recognition of the transitional experience may become clear only years later. For others, the experience may remain incomplete for years to come. Sadly, many boys simply do not have the male role models — the fatherly “King” archetypes — to help guide them through childhood and prepare them for a transition to the mature masculine.

Traditional experiences that have historically guided boys to take on mature male personas have become rare in modern societies. Those that are available have been hollowed out or compromised in other ways. Joining the military, for example, may offer such an experience to young recruits, but for others, lack the gravitas needed to inspire their transitions. Certain religious traditions are available and may assist a boy to the extent that he is a true believer.

Generally, those boys who lack positive father/king role models do not make a clean transition. Some take on pseudo masculine roles such as joining a gang or engaging in a variety of other criminal activities. Some align with social media elements related to the manosphere including “bro-culture” or the more extreme misogynistic rabbit holes such as incels and MGTOWs.

My own experience was made possible by my kind and loving father. Yet there was nothing especially magnificent in his actions. No grand ceremony, not even a single mention about becoming a man. More simply, my father was accepting, generous, and encouraging toward me as a teenager. He displayed trust in me and allowed me the freedom to explore the world in a variety of ways. He was also the role model that allowed me to separate effectively from Mother, and in particular from my mother.

A Compromised Mature Masculine

According to the Jungians, archetypes are primal elements of the male psyche, sometimes described as “mysterious entities or energies or energy flows” that correspond to many social concepts in diverse cultures. Yet, most scholars agree that the energies that contribute to the mature masculine have become rare in the modern world. So what becomes of men who never achieve the mature masculine?

Many eventually reach a version of the mature masculine, one that is highly compromised by what the Jungians call “shadow elements.” These are obverse aspects inherent in every archetype, and represent the “dark side” of the psyche containing primitive emotions, negative impulses, and traits considered unacceptable or inferior by society. Among young men in particular, many of these are essentially advanced versions of the Id with which they struggled as boys.

The following four male archetypes were proposed by Moore and Gillette in their 1990 book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine.

The principal duty of the King archetype, for example, is to bring about or sustain “Right Order” in the community, and more personally, in his own family, both demonstrating and supporting what is “right” socially, culturally or morally. Depending on cultural context, his guide may be the Dharma, the Tao, or in the Abrahamic traditions including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, the major prophets and associated texts.

But the Shadow King, a man who has not attained mature masculinity, may still lead by virtue of the “dark side” elements, through fear, self-obsession or violence along with hidden talents and abilities which may support positive activity. These shadow elements may include a variety of negative emotions and desires such as rage, envy, greed, selfishness, fear, and resentment, along with unacknowledged sexual desires, narcissism and power-seeking. It is obvious that the Shadow King is in a position to cause a great deal of damage.

Jungian scholars have pointed out that this most common version of the King archetype is either unavailable as a guide for boys and young men, or becomes an unwilling guide for young men who follow him into the “dark side,” desperately seeking his approval and blessing.

Of course young men emerging from boyhood may unconsciously aspire to something short of Kingly status, and instead perceive themselves as Warriors, a shadow archetype that includes actual military warriors as well as guerilla fighters, organized crime or gang members, and terrorists working for defined causes. For the man who has attained the mature masculine, the Warrior energies may be put to positive and non-violent uses that inspire and promote the highest levels of civilization. Consider for example Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, and the Dalai Lama.

Another archetype a young man may pursue is the Magician. In general, Magicians are advisors and creators, including inventors, scientists, lawyers, technicians, doctors and other medical staff. They were in earlier times shamans, wizards and persons with special intuitive powers. The modern world needs all of these roles. But the shadow archetype is, in one form or another, a manipulator who uses his “secret” knowledge to harm others, either individually or in service of a Shadow King.

In some cases the damage is done without foreknowledge. Albert Einstein, for example, discovered the fundamental relationship between matter and energy, knowledge later used to produce the first atomic bomb.

Finally, a young man may unconsciously choose the Lover archetype. In its positive form, here we have brotherly love, compassion for one’s community, procreative love, protection for children, and the energy of passion behind creativity of all kinds. But the Shadow Lover may be more familiar to young men today. This is at the heart of all addictions including substance and sexual addictions. The man becomes possessed by the very energy which brightens life for so many others.

Another version of the Shadow Lover archetype is the impotent lover who favors a variety of sexual perversions that degrade and humiliate women, and ultimately results in severe depression due to the subject’s disconnection from any real person including himself.

It is worth reminding the reader that these are Jungian archetypes that may become debatable among persons from other fields of study, particularly other domains of psychology. This exercise is intended to develop a useful interpretation of modern man’s current predicament.

Mature Masculinity Receding

Fundamentally, while many young men experience a Hero’s Journey, it seems that very few of them today attain the mature masculine. Thus, without experiencing such maturity, many languish for years in the shadow dimensions of these Jungian archetypes. Sadly, today’s most severe difficulties for young men reside in this liminal state: educational disinterest, career stagnation, failures of passionate love relationships, withdrawal from society, addictions of all kinds, and significantly elevated rates of suicide.

Some men achieve the mature masculine later in life and overcome most of these barriers. Some of us become leaders, others creative artists, a rare few become trusted advisors to the next generation. We aspire to offer service as man’s highest calling, and in the years we have left, work to make the world a better place.

Vic Caldarola is the founder and lead facilitator of the Shine a Light Men’s Project, a men’s mindfulness discussion program, and a member of the Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center. He holds a PhD in Communication Studies.