“Bad Vegan” Shows How Easily We Crack for a Narcissist

The “Bad vegan’s” plot isn’t unique.

Narcissistic relationships like that start every day, everywhere in the world.

Days ago I was talking with a friend that’s very worried about her cousin’s new lover.

For the purposes of this article, let’s call her Cassie.

…

Cassie met this guy at a traffic light. She was driving to her job when he smiled back at her through the rearview mirror.

They immediately fell in love, pulled over, shared contacts, and texted their hearts away into the hottest and most romantic love story ever.

That happened two weeks ago.

But the odd part is not that they met in such weird circumstances, nor that they are moving way too fast and speaking of marriage and moving in together.

…

You could say their love is going through the fast lane:

Now that I got that bad joke out of my system, I’ll move forward to explain why their relationship is doomed to fail.

Both of them are in their 40s, but they still believe in destiny, love at first sight, and happily ever after.

The fact that he’s a divorcee with the quote “I don’t chase women, women chase me” under his public FB profile picture didn’t raise any flags to the damsel in distress.

Posting the picture of a gun with the phrase “I have a bullet with your name on it,” referring to his ex-wife, didn’t make her suspicious either.

We like to believe that after we stumble upon a rock once or twice, we’ve learned our lesson. But people keep marrying the wrong partners for a reason.

We need them. We need to play the victim role once again. We look for what feels familiar, and abuse is what we crave behind closed doors.

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

A child, a well-instructed and loved child, will be reluctant to meet a stranger in the middle of nowhere.

My friend’s cousin thought it was a great idea to start a relationship with a player. A Casanova confident enough to swoop her out of her car with nothing but a smile.

One could say that’s a rehearsed skill. One that comes in handy when you’re a prolific seducer.

…

But she thinks they have a special connection:

She desperately needs to feel special, and this is a hell of a way to make all her friends jealous.

She isn’t considering the stability of her mental health and inner peace after some months of living with that casual sex demon. But even long before that happens, I can see her shaking every time her hubby goes out for milk or cereal, thirsty for action picking up new girls on the road.

We learn to trust our feelings without considering they are constantly nurtured by our fears and guided by unresolved trauma. The anxiety of getting old while single is so intense we tend to lose control and make poor decisions.

That’s how we’re puppets of our desire to fit in the “happily ever after” fantasy. But, unfortunately, that’s what happened to my friend’s cousin and “Bad Vegan” Sarma.

They refuse to see what’s right in front of them: a big pile of B.S., the same B.S. that convinced the Tinder Swindler’s victims to ignore: HE WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

…

All of those stories are versions of the same ol’ tale:

A mysterious, tormented prince that you get to fix, wed, and bed in an enchanted palace for the rest of your life.

Why are we so afraid to hear and see what’s right in front of us?

Maybe there’s a common factor in the long list of lunatics you’ve dated.

Perhaps it’s time to accept you are the common factor.

But then, it’s time to double-check your feelings and plans with a therapist or a friend before planning the “best day of your life.”

Consider you might need to work on yourself and build another love concept — a healthier, more mature, and authentic form of love that helps you grow.

Genuine relationships aren’t built on fantasies. Instead, they take hard work and revisiting all the past drama we inevitably see reflected on our current relationships.

Nobody’s prepared to find love, but if there’s one thing that can prevent you from rolling down the hill into a narcissist’s arms, it’s accepting life isn’t meant to be perfect.

Love isn’t perfect either; you don’t have to be perfect. And that’s perfectly fine.

The “you’re my soulmate” narrative isn’t helping anyone, except for Netflix, who’s making big bucks with every new documentary on how we all turn a blind eye to love toxic people.

Don’t be afraid to ask the right question.

Don’t be afraid to embrace the facts.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***