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As a woman, back in the day before my awakening, I was horrendously rude to guys I thought were creepy.
Most women have this radar for that kind of energy. We feel this—hell I can’t even describe it—slimy pressure or coercion from certain men.
Most men are terrified that they’ll come across as the ‘creep’.
It’s not a nice tag.
Lazy? Yeah righto.
A dickhead? I can handle that.
But a creep? The very thought brings up visions of a man in a beige jumper, greasy black hair, huge brown eyes and that slow, stalking energy of hesitation mixed with ‘I want to touch you’.
Now that I’ve worked with men so much, I understand the flipside of this and the fear that manifests itself in men who seem creepy to us. The reality of this is FAR different.
Creating Your Own Inner Turmoil
The mindset of a man who projects (or is trying NOT to project) creep behaviour may be driven by shame, insecurity, or uncertainty about his sexuality and who he is, that he doesn’t know how to channel his own desires or understand where his boundaries are compared to a woman’s. He’s too focused inward on his fears, instead of being present in the moment.
He has a lot of inner work to do. The man who’s trying NOT to be a creep is still focused on that very reality, and although he might not come across as a creep per se, the simple thought of it lends itself to insecure behaviour which women will react to.
Most women don’t help in this equation.
We move away FAST from this guy without fully understanding WHY he’s behaving this way. We may criticize, bully, and beat down a man who throws a mirror at our own discomforts and insecurity around letting someone who behaves like that near us.
Which compounds on the issue & validates to him that he’s not attractive, desirable or worthy to be in her presence.
Now I’m talking about the extreme end of the spectrum here.
I’ve spoken to very well adjusted guys who still fear the ‘creep’ factor. What I’ve come to understand is that this ALL stems from shame.
The #1 Confidence Killer
Shame is the key driver in many men who fear coming across as a creep. There are so many blurred lines for men around what they should be doing in modern-day dating:
- ‘Can I approach and talk to her?’
- ‘No because then I’m harassing her’.
- ‘Should I show sexual interest?’
- ‘No because I don’t want to be seen as rapey’.
- ‘Should I call her and tell her I love her?
- ‘No because she’ll think I’m too needy’.
These thoughts create a massive conflict in a man’s mind because shame is kicking up friction. He’s fighting his natural desires and urges in order to avoid more shame (and possible humiliation) which creates massive incongruency in himself. Then around & around it goes.
A man who feels no shame, on the other hand, does these things without too much hassle. He can walk up to a woman, have a great conversation and ask her out with zero attachment to the outcome.
Why?
Because he’s open, congruent in himself and isn’t blocking himself with ‘shoulds & should nots’. This makes him more aware of boundaries and allows him to be fully present interacting with the woman.
This is Where Your Confidence Level Needs to Go
When you understand why you feel shame (parental issues, ex-girlfriend issues, bullying issues, limiting belief issues), then it’ll be easier to heal. Most of men’s issues with women come from shame about their own desires and not knowing how to channel that effectively, which affects us all.
Women miss out on meeting and getting to know a great guy … and you miss out on giving yourself the love, honour, and the personal power you deserve.
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Photo credit: Getty Images