I received the best advice I’ve ever gotten from my dad this weekend. We went to lunch and in the middle of talking about politics and sports — our usual go-to’s. I asked my used to be a f/ck boy dad about dating.
Now the title insinuates that he had texting in his day, but he didn’t He’s in his mid 50’s and didn’t get a cell phone until I was 14.
Your mom never called me and when I called her she always had the same reason for not calling. It went along the lines of “Oh, I’m so sorry. I just have had so much to do.”
My mom was a single mom of 1, me, and she had 3 jobs and 9 siblings. She met my dad when she was 20 years young and he was 25 and they both instantly knew, they were destined for each other. It’s a love story for the books? Not when you’re a 25 year old f/ck boy. It made him upset. Why isn’t she calling him? Why won’t she chase him? After all, he is desirable.
I waited outside her apartment for 3 hours. I know it’s a little weird in this time period but in 1993, it was the most romantic thing I could have done. I had a cassette I just mixed for her and her favorite flowers. She pretended not to see me in the parking lot and walked right upstairs. I was so upset.
My mother, the queen of shade. This made complete sense to me. I understood her a little more now.
But when we were together, it was like I was the only person that existed in her life other than you. She made me feel special. It was a weird contradiction.
So How Do I Deal with the F/ck boys of today?
“That’s exactly it. You don’t. Not in the ignore them and they’ll go away way, but in the don’t be phased by them and they’ll see their antics aren’t something that you’ll tolerate. It’s really that simple.”
But is it?
From the 3 hour long and 4 beers deep conversation I had with my dad, I took away 3 golden rules for dating that I wish I knew a few years ago.
- Let them reach out the first few times. If they don’t call or text or ,however you guys communicate, first, then they aren’t really that interested and probably just want to sleep with you. Someone who really wants to get to know you takes the effort to get to know you.
- If they text you or call you without a plan in the first month of dating, they’re taking someone else on dates. No single man goes a month without a woman on his arm whether it’s at home, or in public. And if they say they do, they’re lying.
- When you’re with them, let them speak. They’ll either wow you, or dig themselves in a ditch. It’ll be a faster way to weed out the ones who aren’t worth it.
And the last anecdote he had was be so focused on yourself, that you forget about them until their name pops up on your screen.
Thanks, dad.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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