If your first marriage didn’t work, consider it a life lesson and move on.
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Entering a second marriage means that you are already aware of the pitfalls that are likely to cause issues when two people move in together. |
When you first commit to marriage the last thing on your mind is that it may end in divorce. After all, you are in love, the world is your oyster and you have plans and dreams to spend the rest of your life together. Unfortunately, the statistics show that as many as forty five percent of first time marriages end up in divorce.
There are many theories regarding why this happens, from a lack of communication in a relationship to infidelity. It has also been suggested that people who marry young are more likely to divorce as they mature and move in different directions. Whatever the reason one thing is clear, if you are brave enough to fall in love and tie the knot a second time you want to feel that this time it will be for keeps.
Statistics actually back this up; official figures show that only thirty one percent of second marriages end in divorce; this is substantial better odds and there are several reasons why this is the case:
Practice is vital
Entering a second marriage means that you are already aware of the pitfalls that are likely to cause issues when two people move in together. Sharing a home can be difficult; one person is inevitably tidier than the other and may end up feeling like they are constantly clearing up after the other. When you enter a second marriage you are aware of these issues and will have a solution in mind as well as working harder to make a success of the relationship.
Know yourself
You should also have developed an awareness of what part you played in the breakdown of your previous relationship.
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As you age you become more comfortable in your own skin. Most people are more prepared to stand up for what they believe is right and at the same time they have more knowledge regarding their personal parameters and the need for tolerance. These skills combine to make it easier to know what you will accept and what you simply cannot; only the things you cannot accept need to be dealt with. You should also have developed an awareness of what part you played in the breakdown of your previous relationship. This means you will be better prepared to avoid the same events happening again.
Getting it right
Having been through a divorce and the shattered ego, anyone who chooses to commit to marriage a second time is committed to getting it right. They believe that happiness is still possible and will push hard to ensure that the marriage works. If both sides of the couple are on a second marriage then there will be a huge amount of drive pushing the marriage in the right direction and refusing to accept failure.
Be grateful – not everyone gets a second chance at happiness
When you have been through the roller coaster ride of marriage and divorce you will come to appreciate how quickly happiness and security can be taken from you. In response you will be more appreciative and grateful of the chance to have that happiness again. People in a second marriage will treasure the opportunity to be happy again and your gratitude for this can turn any situation into a positive; making a second marriage a far sweeter experience than your first.
Communication is bliss
Communication is an essential cornerstone of any relationship and one that is all too frequently overlooked. Once you have experienced divorce you will be aware at how important communications are in relationships. Without effective communication the relationship will inevitably fall apart. Those who are on their second marriage realize that it is essential to communicate with their partner regularly and deal with any issues as they arise. It is only through communication that any relationship can hope to survive.
Don’t repeat the same mistake
Life can be surprising at times. We think we’ve found the one but we end up in divorce. |
Some people don’t believe in second marriages. However, others think that second marriages are the real deal. Why? Because now you’re more experienced. You know what to do keep your partner happy and you’re finally more determined to make it work. Love plays a key role, but it’s equally important to assess your behavior and uncover why it didn’t work the first time. Have realistic expectations from your new relationship, and try to have more respect and faith in your new marriage. Avoid “déjà vu” situations. If you used to get angry over the little things the first time, find a way to think before you act in the new marriage. Allow your partner to state facts as well, and be more patient.
Life can be surprising at times. We think we’ve found the one but we end up in divorce. It can happen to the happiest of couples too. You can never know what life throws at you. It is important to stay positive no matter what. If your first marriage didn’t work, consider it a life lesson and move on.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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As someone who has been married once, I am terrified of marrying a second time. Sometimes it seems like a good idea and other times, I’m not so sure.
An important message but poorly articulated and communicated. How to learn from your first marriage would have been a better.
Your third marriage will be even better, because you’ll be even wiser.